Growing Up Unstable
by Miss Pontmercy
Summary: UPDATED! A series of N2N one-shots spanning from before the show takes place to way afterward. Each character will make an appearence, but will focus esp. on the family Some stories will be very dramatic, and others more fluffy. PLEASE review.
1. Nightmares

**Here's my series of one-shots- yay! Please review**

**I don't own N2N.**

* * *

Diana and Dan were sound asleep when the crying started. At first, just a few tiny little whimpers, then a few longer stretches, and finally full-blown screaming. Diana woke up, sitting up in the darkness of the bedroom, looking around. She hated waking up in the night- it was so disorienting. But Gabe needed her.

"Dan, I can go," she whispered, knowing her husband would be awake, too.

"No- Di, let me."

"Dan, he wants me, I know he does. I can hear it," she insisted.

"Di...?" there was confusion in his voice.

"Let me go Dan- he needs me."

"Di, no-!"

But she had already gotten out of bed and thrown back the covers, not needing a light to find her way up the stairs of their tiny first house. She took a right on the landing and entered her little boys' room, accidentally knocking her shin against something in the dark.

"_Shit-"_ she said, before remembering that Gabe was in the room. But she could have sworn they had set nothing next to the door.

"Gabe, sweetie, I'm coming. What's wrong?"

But the crying just got louder.

"Gabriel? Sweetheart?" The cries were ever louder.

Di found the crib and switched on the lamp.

_Where was the hell she?_

The walls around her were a sunny yellow, not the blue she had painted only a little over a year ago. The blankets were pink, not green.

And this baby was _not_ hers.

It was a girl, screaming her lungs out, her cheeks red and her eyes streaming. The girl looked to be about a year old, and her eyes were pleading with Diana. She was reaching her arms out, longing for closeness, but Diana recoiled in horror.

Was this a dream? Or had she somehow gone to sleep in someone else's house? But then her shin gave a painful throb and she knew that it was not a dream.

"_Who are you?"_ she asked the baby. "_WHO ARE YOU?"_

The girl just yelled more.

"_Where is my son?" _Diana grabbed the bars of the crib, holding on for dear life. "_Where is my Gabriel?"_

Sobs raked through her body, and she was now as desolate as this imposter child in front of her.

_"_Di- Di!" Dan's voice was ringing up the stairs, and soon he was in the room, which was really much to small for the both of them.

"Dan?" she asked, weary. "_Who is this?"_

But he just pushed past her, reaching into the crib and pulling out the tiny crying child, holding her gently in his arms and rocking her back and forth. "Shh, Nat... Hush, sweetie, Natalie. It's ok... everything's alright..."

Diana took a step back, tripping over the toy box next to the crib and landing on her bottom on the floor.

_Oh my God. Natalie._

_Natalie._

New tears poured from her eyes- a different fear, a different hatred. Instead of hating the poor little child, she hated herself.

She had forgotten her daughter. How often has this happened?

"Dan...?" she whimpered out, needing him now more than ever.

"Di... Maybe you should just go back to bed," his voice was kind and gentle, but she saw in his eyes that he was angry. Angry and scared.

"Dan, let me help- I can hold her-"

"No, Di- I've got her. She'll be... fine. I'll be with you in a few minutes."

By now, Natalie had quieted in her father's arms. Diana just nodded, shame overflowing her whole being. But before she left the room, she reached out as gently as she could to her tiny daughter, her pajamas soft and white and her dark hair curly already, despite its thinness and lack of length. She was beautiful- just as beautiful as Gabe had been, and just as precious. But in her own way- and Diana feared the child she had would never touch her in the way the child she'd lost had.

"I'm so sorry, sweetheart. Natalie, I love you. I do, Natalie- with all my heart." She reached out a finger to stroke her daughter's tiny hand, but the little girl tugged it away.

It could be a coincidence, she knew. But then her daughter's eyes- though so young, they carried such an old soul- and knew it wasn't. At only one year old, her daughter did not trust her.

"I love you, Diana. I hope you know that," Dan said, his eyes making it clear that he could forgive her. As always.

Diana just nodded.

Didn't he know that sometimes loving just wasn't enough?


	2. College Admissions

Natalie picked at her cuticles obsessively, feeling her stomach drop more and more as the seconds ticked by. She chanced yet another glance out the window, and there it was: the mail truck, stopping in front of her house, the man leaning out and stuffing the mailbox. He hadn't even closed the little door before she was out of the house, shoeless, running down the driveway. _It has to be here,_ she told herself, for every day for the past two weeks she had gone through the mailbox, only to find disappointment.

Any day now, she would be receiving her results from Yale- albeit the second time she had applied. Getting out of the house without going through senior year hadn't exactly worked out (she tried to push the memory of her piano recital out of her mind, shuddering), but Yale was still her top choice. The second time she'd applied- well, hopefully it worked out better. Though she'd heard from everywhere else, she felt like Yale was the only school that mattered. It had represented her ticket out for so long that she couldn't imagine going anywhere else. It was freedom, it was the place where she could be noticed and be valued. At least in her mind.

Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, she reached into the mailbox and pulled out a stack of letters and magazines and- was it? _Yes, it was!_ She opened her eyes and saw a thick envelope addressed to none other than Natalie Goodman.

She hadn't even opened it, but judging by the size of the envelope... well, she couldn't help jumping up and down a little. But she couldn't open it just yet. She ran inside with her hands shaking as she picked up her cell phone and went through her contacts.

"Hello?"

"It's here," she said, without any other kind of greeting.

"I'm coming over," Henry said, and she could head the jingle of keys. "Wait till I get there."

"Hurry up!" She hung up, throwing her phone on the couch and plopping herself onto it, the large envelope staring at her.

What if it wasn't an acceptance? Maybe they were wait-listing her... or worse, she didn't get in...

Her mind toiled away like this until there was a knock at the door. As fast as she could, she opened the door, dragged Henry inside, and then practically hauled him up the stairs into her room. They sat next to each other on the floor with their backs against her bed as she stared at the envelope.

"I can't open it," she said.

"Yes, you can! It's a big envelope, Nat- I'm sure you got in."

"Don't say that- what if I didn't? Won't you feel bad when I get rejected?"

"Natalie- you _won't._ But this isn't the only place for you, just in case- there's tons of other school's who'll take you. Tons of schools who have taken you already. I mean, you're going to be valedictorian and everything," he said, trying to be comforting. She just shook her head.

"None of it really mattered before- being turned down or any of it. But this is _it. _My one real chance to go to Yale. I'm savoring the last moments before I know." She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, before picking up the heavy envelope. "Ok. I'm ready."

She carefully tore along the seal, her stomach aching horribly. As soon as she opened the envelope, she looked inside, spying some brightly-colored brochures and papers, along with an official-looking letter. Sliding it out of the envelope, her eyes scanning frantically over the page, not reading anything in order, but jumping about, looking for the key words.

"Henry..." she said, not sure she could believe it.

"Yes?" he asked, smiling. He had already read the first sentence of the letter over her shoulder.

"I _got in! I'm in!"_ she squealed, a most un-Natalie-ish thing to do, before getting up and jumping up and down. "Sorry- I can't help it!"

"I'm so happy for you, Natalie," he said, getting up and joining in a little bit, before feeling awkward and stopping.

"Henry!" she said, throwing her arms around him, her smile threatening to fly right off her face. "I love you," she said, meaning it. She seldom said it, but as she did, she felt something taint her happiness.

She couldn't tell anyone she felt this way, but it was true: if she hadn't gotten into Yale, there would be nothing keeping her from being with Henry. She had no preference between any of the other schools- truly, Yale was the only place for her. Henry was going to major in Music Education- what grade he wanted to teach, he wasn't sure yet, but he wanted to teach. He'd applied to a few schools, all seeming too far from Yale. He had wanted to apply to Boston University, but she didn't know if he ever did- all she'd heard about was his acceptances and rejections from various schools that were hundreds of miles away.

"What is it?" he asked, but of course she couldn't say. Henry could never into Yale, she knew; but more than that, she'd never wanted to be the girl who made her decisions based on what her boyfriend was doing. Needing someone, loving someone and admitting it- well all that was still too difficult to even imagine. Harder was that someone wanted to love and be there for her.

"Nothing." She averted her eyes. Henry took her chin in his hands and turned her face towards his.

"Are you happy?" he asked, and she nodded. truly, she was; she felt like all of her insides were inflated with Helium- as scientifically impractical and impossible as that was, it was the best way to describe how wonderful she was at that moment. Except for that _one_ thing. But they would make it through, right? He had promised to stay with her.

"Yes, I am."

"Then why do you look sad? What's bothering you?" he asked. _God dammit. How did he know?_

"What about... us?" she asked quietly.

Henry just sat down on the floor. "I dunno, Nat. We'll find a way to stay together. But for right now, we're together, right? Isn't that all that matters?" He looked pensive for a moment, as though he was teetering on the edge of saying something, and then didn't.

"Sure."

* * *

"What's up?" she asked when Henry knocked on the door a month later. His smile was too excited, too engaged- he obviously had something to tell her. "Dad- we'll be upstairs!" she called, not waiting for her dad to see who was at the door.

As soon as they were safe in the privacy of her room, she turned to him. "Ok- what is it?"

"Nat- I've got _amazing_ news. It's _brilliant."_ He even clapped his hands.

"Henry... what's _up_ with you?"

"Ok, so you know how we were worried before, abut you going to Yale and how I only got into schools on the West Coast and Midwest and all?"

She nodded. "Yeah?"

"_Well- _you know how I was going to apply to Boston University?"

"Uh-huh..."

"Well, I did, and I didn't hear anything for the _longest time._ Seriously, I thought I was going to die. I didn't tell you I applied because I didn't want to go there unless you were going to Yale-"

"Henry- you shouldn't go somewhere because of where _I'm_ going, don't be stupid-"

He put a finger to her lips. "That doesn't matter- because I got in. And you got into Yale. Nat- listen! We'll only be only a few miles apart. We can see each other whenever we want-"

"Henry," she said, making him be quiet. "Henry..." How could she say this without sounding _too_ mean? "I want to be with you- I do. But you shouldn't do something so completely dumb as going somewhere because I'm going. Like, have you even _looked _at the school? Do you know anything about it?"

"Natalie," he said, slightly mocking. "Natalie... Believe it or not, I was looking at this place before I even spoke to you. OK, so back then I was a bit more of a..."

"Slacker?" she finished, smirking.

"I was going to say '_lost soul'_ but if you're going to be insulting, then fine... Anyway, once I figured out what I wanted to do, I started looking at a couple schools. Don't worry Nat- I've thought this through."

She just stared at him for a long time, studying his face. Was he serious, or was he doing something impulsive and romantic, some stupid _Henry_ thing that he'd be better off staying out of...?

"Natalie, aren't you happy?" His eyes were hurt- he had been so excited.

She looked down. The selfish side of her was ecstatic- it was the solution to their problems. And after all, he did say he had wanted to go there- so what was the problem?

"Henry- I am happy. But will you promise me something?"

He nodded.

"Let me go with you in a week or two, before you accept- let's go look at the school again, ok? So you're sure?"

"Why? I am sure, Natalie."

"Just- for me. Ok? I don't want you to throw your life away for me, like my dad did with my mom. Does that make sense?"

Sighing, he nodded. "Ok. One more try- but honestly Nat- I like the school. I want to go there."

"Just one more look, Henry."

"Fine- one more."

She nodded. Maybe- hopefully- he wouldn't change his opinion. But she didn't want him to make the wrong decision on her account, either. If she didn't want to end up like her mom, she was going to make sure as hell Henry didn't end up like her dad.


	3. Gabe

It had been a week, and Dan decided it was time to start acting human again. But it was as though he was just a shell of a being; he couldn't cook, clean, or work. When people called to ask how he was doing, he couldn't remember what he was saying.

Diana's mother was constantly calling and asking if they needed anything, but he knew better than to say yes. She despised him, believing that Dan had led her daughter astray. _How wrong she is,_ he used to say to himself, when he had been in better days. Now, he simply didn't want the hawk-like woman anywhere near him or his wife.

If Dan seemed inhuman, it was nothing to his wife. She lay in their bed all day, and had still not changed out of her blue nightgown that she had worn that night. The night their lives had changed..

He forced himself to brew a proper cup of tea, and brought it into the tiny bedroom. "Di?" he asked. "Love? I made some tea."

"No, Dan."

"Please, Di, just sit up and talk to me... I'm worried about you." What he wanted to say was 'I need you,' or 'I can't face this alone,' but it came off much more patronizing.

Diana sat up quickly, her eyes burning with rage. "Well- maybe that's the _problem, _Dan- you're always worried about _me. _Maybe if you'd have been worried a bit more about _him,_ our _son,_ something could have been done-"

He put up a hand, unable to listen to more. She couldn't have hurt him more if she'd stabbed him. "Don't blame me, Di- you know that's not true, you _know_ I did everything I could- you know if I could go back and change it, or put myself in his place, I would. He is-" Dan winced. "Was- my _son._ Di, you know I loved him-" But he couldn't continue. Tears flowed from his eyes when he thought of his perfect, angel haired boy just learning to talk, stuttering out a few words in the cloudy, garbled way of a toddler. He stuck out his lip when he couldn't remember what to say, and would shake his fists when he was frustrated.

"Dan- I don't think you understand-"

"Diana, I understand. _Believe me,"_ he was angry now- how could she believe she was the only one who was hurting? How selfish could she _be?_ "I'm hurting, too."

She just shook her head. Words flew into his head, angry retorts that he could have thrown at her, but then he got a better look at her- hair unwashed, her eyes so puffy that her face was almost unrecognizable. She'd lost weight in just a week, and frankly looked quite sick. How could he fight back when she was like this? Diana was always passionate, but now she was different, broken. Shame washed through his being when he thought of how he was just about to try and break her more.

"Diana, I love you," he said, kissing her forehead. "Do you want me to run a bath for you?" She shook her head again. Should he make her clean herself up? _No, no. She's too upset, let her rest,_ he told himself. Some, like Diana's mother, might have said that this was not the right way to get her back to normal, but, well- to hell with Diana's mother. Diana was hurting, and so was he. Neither of them could stand to fight- he feared they might never recover from the emotional wreckage they were already in- hurtful words would do nothing but harm.

So he just stood up and turned to leave the room.

_Maybe she was right,_ he thought. _Maybe this was your fault- maybe you didn't care enough._ Well, if that was true, he'd never make that mistake again. He was damned sure that he cared about nothing in the world more than that woman and their son. Something evil had taken him away from them- but Dan would not lose Di.

_Di, I'll take care of you,_ he promised._ I'll take care of you no matter what, because I can't lose anyone else. _

When he turned his back and left the room, Diana hated him for it. Why hadn't he _made_ her get up and wash herself? Couldn't he see she was not strong enough to do it on her own?

But why was he strong enough to offer her help already? Dan had always been a caretaker, she knew, and someone who she could always count on to be there when she called for him. But after something so disastrous as this, how could he bounce back so quickly? Did he not _care_?

Was she the only one mourning their son?

"Gabe," she whispered to no one. "Gabriel- I miss you, my love. I will forever love you, my son. Forever. I promise."

Uttering his name aloud gave her comfort- it made him seem more alive. Discovering this was like a surprise- a gift. "Gabriel," she said again. "Gabe... Gabe, Gabe, Gabe...."

He was alive, she knew. He was an angel, looking after her, and she would find him again, and this time she would never let him go.

"Gabriel," she said. "My darling boy..."

"Di? What's that?" Dan's voice came from the living room, and she instantly shut her mouth. Somehow, she didn't think her new therapy method would appeal to him.

"Nothing," she called back. But once more, before she succumbed again to sleep, she whispered his name.

When the sound left her lips, she felt something press into her hand- something small and warm, a feeling she knew so well.

Little Gabe had grabbed her hand, from somewhere, and she knew he was trying to tell her something.

_We'll see each other again, Mom,_ she heard. Not just in the confused speech of an eighteen-month-old, but she heard Gabe at three, at eight, at thirteen, and as a man.

"Yes, my love- we will."

_Soon, Mom,_ she heard.

"Soon."


	4. Costco

_Fuck, fuck, FUCK!_

She had just handed the phone off to her dad. The police were on the phone, and had to talk to him. Nodding and saying submissive things, his side of the conversation didn't give her much to work with. But it wasn't too hard to figure out...

What could have _possibly_ happened? She'd gone to Costco or something- how hard could it be to just shop for food? But obviously it had been _just too much_ for her, and her mom had to mess up the first week in months without anything going wrong. Well, until now that is.

"Natalie," her dad said in a tone she knew all too well. "I've got to go pick up your mom- can you, I mean- will you be ok?"

Natalie sighed, looking up at him angrily. "Dad- what happened now?"

"Not now, Natalie, I have to go."

"Fine- just go."

"Are you ok, or can you ride along?"

What he meant by _ride along_ was go over to the grocery store and sit in the car while he apologized to whoever her mother had freaked out at, and brought her back in. Then they would act like she wasn't there, and argue the whole time.

"No, dad. I'm fine. Seriously- I'm fifteen. I don't need you to take care of me!" she glared at him, and he looked like he wanted to say something, maybe something encouraging, but he just turned and left.

An hour later when he returned with Diana, Natalie sat up from the couch.

"Dad? Mom? What happened?"

"Not now, Natalie," her dad said, his eyes pleading with her.

"Come on- tell me!" she raised her voice.

"Natalie- just s_hut up!"_ her mother screamed. Nat just rolled her eyes.

"You are _so_ fucked up!"

"Natalie!" her father screamed, but she didn't care. She just ran up the stairs and into her room. "_Natalie! Get back down her right now!"_

Slamming the door, she sat down on the floor with her back to her bed, taking her head in her hands, trying not to make any noise as the tears fell down her face. Trying to push all the frightening images she'd had of her mother over the years out of her mind, she just let herself cry.

* * *

At school the following Monday, she made a vow to act like nothing had happened. _No one else knows,_ she told herself. _Just act like it's ok. _It was usually pretty easy- she wasn't exactly an outcast at school, but she wasn't popular either. She'd had two really close friends throughout middle school, Elizabeth and Danielle, but by high school they had grown apart. Or rather, their parents had found out about her mother and told them- Natalie could remember the day _she_ knew that_ they_ knew- they never looked at her the same way again. It was like, because her mom was crazy, then she was suddenly unstable. Well, they weren't good friends anyway

And now, she was too smart and too weird to be friends with. Boys were put off by her intensity and girls were a bit scared of her, and certain people had heard rumors about her mom going into the hospital in the middle of last year. Talk about a great freshman year. Not.

When she walked into the school, no one was there, as usual. She arrived forty minutes early to practice piano, and she wandered downstairs to get some peace, some time away from it all, and just let herself dream that one day she'd maybe get away from all this shit. When she was done playing, she had five minutes to go until her first class, which was geometry.

At first she didn't notice people looking at her, for she was too wrapped up in her own mind. But by the time the warning bell rang, signaling two minutes until classes started, she was starting to feel a bit self-conscious. _What the hell? _Why was everyone staring? They seemed to all stop talking when she walked by, too... Instantly her mind jumped to the incident on Friday night- but no, it couldn't be that. No one would know, would they? _She _didn't even know the details!

Bits of conversation followed her down the hallway. Though she wasn't listening, she still caught snippets, and the gave her no more information.

"I heard she like _attacked_ Shelby's mom..."

"They had to call the police..."

"She ruined, like, $400 worth of stuff!"

She rushed into geometry, and was almost late. Her heart was pounding, and as she ran to her desk, she closed her eyes, trying to block everything out. She didn't need to hear anymore, or want to. _Why can't it all just go away?_Everyone was already there, and a bunch of people were in the corner of the room talking. She was an unfortunate class without anyone she really got along with- most of the class were part of the 'popular' group- a group of losers who just sat around drinking and partying on the weekends, and they were all gossiping. Other than that, the class was made up of her, this super shy kid who looked like a stoner and tended to get bad grades (he sat behind her in class and always looks upset when he got tests back) who was busy listening to his ipod, a kid who she knew to pick his nose, and a stuck up choir girl. Not her cup of tea.

"Goodman!" one kid called from the corner of the room. She jolted up from her seat, so surprised that someone was talking to her. It was this blond kid who was on the football team, and his uber-tanned girlfriend. Natalie didn't like to stereotype- well, she didn't like when people stereotyped against _her, _at least- but these two just called for it. They were the slut and the manwhore of the high school.

"Hm?" she asked, unable to form a response but for surprise. By now the bell had rung and the teacher had come into the class, looking bleary-eyed and not ready to teach at all. Manwhore looked him up and down before deciding he wasn't a threat, and then continued.

"What's it like living in the nuthouse?"

For a second she just stood there staring, but then it was as though someone had dropped her in a tank of boiling hot water and then instantly into another tank, this time filled with icy cold water. Her tongue seemed not to move, and all the sudden she could feel everyone's eyes on her, waiting for a response.

"I- what?"

"Here!" one girl said, tossing a crumpled page of the local newspaper at her. When she unfolded it, she saw it was the front page, and her eyes balked at the headline:

SUBURBAN WOMAN LOSES CONTROL AT LOCAL SUPERSTORE

And there, in all its 6x7 inch glory, was a picture of her mother, amidst a pile of scattered merchandise and spilled cereal. She didn't need to read the rest of the article- she'd seen it all before. Her mom losing control and leaving others to pick up the pieces. The bits of chatter she'd heard before ran through her head, and she wondered who Shelby was. But instead she shook her head- no, the part about attacking someone was probably just gossip. But this- losing control at Costco- no, she couldn't deny that. Concrete evidence was right here in her hands.

She gradually faded back into the present, and looked up at the kids talking to her, searching for a trace of kindness on their faces. _Come on, _she thought,_ somebody help me..._

But she was drowning, and no one was coming... They gradually began to laugh at her, and their laughter stung. Tears, damned tears, came out of a hidden place in her body, and she tried to look away.

"Oh, look, she's crying. Maybe she should go home to mommy," the instigator said.

"Oh- she can't, can she? Mommy's crazy!" a voice threw in.

"She's probably nuts too, ya know," somebody else said. "I hear if its in the gene pool, well..." he made a signal with his fingers indicating insanity.

Their laughter just grew. Usually if someone teased her, she would threaten to kick their asses or something of the like- but this came out of nowhere a surprise _and_ a direct hit in one.

_She's probably nuts too,_ she heard in her head over and over again, an echo of her deepest fears shouted out to the entire world.

"You should probably control your mother better, you know," the tan slut said. "She can't go around acting like that- it's dangerous."

"You know," Natalie heard another voice from behind her say, and she cringed, imagining another attack. "You should probably control _yourselves _better," the voice said. She turned, and saw that it was the stoner ipod kid. He was not looking at her, but at the group of kids in the corner. "You're a bunch of assholes for going around picking on other people. Especially smarter, more talented people." He glared at the group for a second, and Natalie's heart flipped- was someone really sticking up for her? Did she hear him right? "At least think of some more creative insults- you sound like losers... jeez."

And with that, he'd put his headphones back on. For a brief second, she wondered what he was listening to, before he looked up at her and smiled warmly. The corners of her mouth twitched, but she couldn't bring herself to smile just yet.

"So you've got the failing, idiot pothead on your side... good for you."

"I think they've found love, Matt," on of the kids said to Manwhore, whose name was apparently Matt. Natalie wasn't good with names. It was so great that the first one she learned out of the whole class was _his._ Not.

"Aw- the emo crazy girl and the stoner... How sweet," he said, leering. The tan girl cackled.

"That's enough," came the teacher's voice from his desk in the back of the room. He glared at the kids in the corner, and turned to smile at Natalie. His smile sickened her, and she turned away.

"Natalie, come here for a second," he said, and her stomach churned. _Like hell,_ she said to herself, but he just said her name again and she felt herself walking towards the desk.

"Natalie," he whispered, trying to act concerned while all the other students listened in. "What they did was uncalled for. If you ever need to talk, me and all the other teachers are here..." he droned on and on, but all Natalie could think about was how he ignored the conflict until after the majority of damage had been done. _Thanks so much, Teach._ _You're such a great help._

She knew it would probably only make it worse, but she asked for a pass to leave early anyway. At first the teacher protested ("I'm not supposed to let students leave...") but finally he gave in. Ignoring everyone's eyes on her, she walked back to her seat to retrieve her backpack. About to bend down for it, ipod stoner boy handed it to her, smiling again. Not a happy smile, but a kind one. This time she smiled back. But only for a second.

* * *

When she got home, she didn't speak to her mother or father. She couldn't forgive them for not telling her about all this, and she wouldn't even give them the power of knowing that they'd hurt her.

"How was your day?" her dad asked, noticing her miserable facial expression he picked her up from school.

"Being a sophomore sucks," she said simply. "I can't wait to get out of here."

The next day at school, she braced herself for math class. When she walked in, everyone was quiet. Though it was harsh still, it was better than yesterday. For a second, she looked at Ipod boy. He wasn't looking at her- in fact, he was looking everywhere _but_ her. _Well, I guess one good deed is enough. He probably wasn't actually very nice anyway,_ she told herself. She didn't want to admit she had kind of banked on him possibly being her friend.

Well, fine. If he could ignore her, she could ignore him. She didn't need him.

That was why she was so surprised when, a year later, he walked into her practice room.


	5. Weddings and Moms

**November, Two Days Before the Wedding**

Natalie didn't think she had ever been so busy. Everyone was arriving, and she couldn't make another petty decision without going crazy. The wedding was on Saturday, and they had checked into the hotel today, along with everyone in Henry's family and her own. Henry's sister Emily was ten years older than he was, and his parents were much older than Natalie's. Henry had been- how to say politely- well, a 'surprise and blessing,' to quote Marianne, his mother. Her dad and both sets of grandparents were there, friends from college were arriving more and more by the day, and cousins and aunts and uncles were trickling in quickly. Emily and her husband were there, too, along with their young daughter Anna, and Natalie's favorite piano teacher had arrived. Coworkers were coming in on Saturday for the wedding, including the boring old principal of the school Henry had been working at for only a few months. Everyone was there, in fact, except one person.

"Dad," Natalie said again, for the hundredth time that day. "Have you spoken to mom?"

Dan looked at Natalie again, rubbing the corners of his eyes. "Yes, Nat- she's running late, but she'll be here any minute. Don't worry, everything is going to work out."

Again, she just swallowed her worries and nodded. It would have to work out. This was her chance for everything to be ok.

"I'm going to go check on your grandparents," Dan said. "She may need help getting her luggage upstairs."

Natalie just nodded and let him pat her on the knee. He left her sitting alone on the hard couch in the lobby of the hotel, staring at her converse sneakers.

The past few months had been such a whirlwind- she and Henry had left grad school, and he'd been very busy looking for jobs in local areas. Within a month, a high school had picked him up to by the band and jazz band director in the fall. He joked that they hired him so fast because he was right out of school and couldn't be paid much, and Natalie didn't really argue. In the meantime, he'd been going to houses and teaching beginning piano. Henry had been getting a lot of headaches recently. She, on the other hand, was working as an event and performance planner with the Boston Symphony, planning when people were coming to watch rehearsals and such. For the time being, it was a good job. Neither were making much money, but hey- they couldn't ask for more. After all, it was only November and both their businesses had given them two weeks off for the wedding and honeymoon- a rare and precious commodity.

She'd even gotten together with her mom a few times recently, for lunch and such. Apparently Diana was well enough to attend the wedding- Natalie had made sure to contact her doctors- and it would not be too much for her. She was sure she'd given her mother all the correct information- after all, she'd spoken to her on the phone two days ago! She was supposed to have arrived on Wednesday morning; it was Thursday evening.

"Goddammit! Where _is _she?!" Natalie grunted, digging her toe into the carpeting, and swore loudly. Someone a few feet away from her coughed, and she looked up to see Henry's tiny, ninety-year-old grandma looking disdainfully at her. Natalie blushed.

"Sorry, Rosie..." Natalie stood up and strolled around the lobby, needing some air. Wrapping her sweater around her, she went out in front of the hotel. People would need her soon, to supervise the final decorating of the ballroom they were renting out, but she could let them wait. The demands on her were too much, really- she couldn't thank her father enough for taking so much of this wedding on himself, but he couldn't do _everything_, and without her mother to chip in with opinions here and there, she and Henry had a lot of responsibility on them.

Her phone buzzed in her pocket, and she flipped it open, revealing a picture of a giant cake with Harry Potter on it, complete with the words, "The Magic of Love Awaits!"

_What?_ she wondered, and scrolled down, finding that the message was from Henry. He wrote: _Found out this was an option. WTH didn't we get it? ;)_

She rolled her eyes, and answered: _No words on the wedding cake!_

Three seconds later, it buzzed back: _So can I get a cake w/ HP on it if there's no words?_

She laughed, then typed: _You're on thin ice, buddy. Get back to work!_

Henry and his dad were picking up the cake and moving it to the hotel, where it would stay refrigerated until the reception on Saturday. Geez- if Henry was texting her about Harry Potter cakes, he much be just as bored as she was with all this crap. Why couldn't they just jump forward a week and be married, without going through all this shit?

_Because then you wouldn't get a honeymoon,_ she told herself. Well, there was a silver lining to everything.

Getting chilly, she went back inside. Some people went out to dinner that night, but she, Henry, his parents and her dad and a couple other family members just decided to eat at the hotel. Every few minutes, she kept checking the messages on her cell phone and fidgeting about.

"excuse me for one minute," she told the group, before leaving the restaurant and going over to the front desk.

"Excuse me," she said. "But has a Diana Goodman checked in yet?"

The perky receptionist bustled over to the computer. "You know, dear... I don't think so. I've been at this desk all day and no Diana came by, but I'll check anyway." She hummed a little and clicked the mouse a few times. "Sorry, sweetheart. Not yet."

"That's ok... Didn't expect her to." Natalie's heart sank even more. She was now almost two days late, and no call. She wasn't answering the phone when Natalie called, either.

Natalie didn't want to tell anyone, but her mom showing up late like this... or worse, not coming at all, was really bothering her. People thought she hated her mother, and could never forgive her. Maybe they'd never be close, but Natalie wanted her mom at her wedding more than anything.

_She'll be here,_ she tried to tell herself. _Just wait._

* * *

Diana stood in front of the mirror in her bathroom in her apartment, constantly looking at her watch. _You can do this, _she told herself. _Natalie wants you there._

It was too late to make it there for dinner, she was sure, but if she left first thing in the morning she could surely make it. But how would everyone treat her? She'd spoken to Natalie and Dan frequently, but what about Dan's parents? They never liked her, even before she had left the family. And what would Henry's parents think about her? They surely knew everything by now.

Was she strong enough to face all these people? Fear shook through her when she imagined walking into the party, the people there, waiting for her to crack, watching like hungry sharks. They would want her to fail, she would feel it.

_I'm not strong enough._

Her phone rang again, and she saw on the caller ID that it was Natalie, again. She closed her eyes and sat on her bed, taking her head in her hands. _I have to be strong enough, for Natalie. It's her day, it's her time to shine._

* * *

That night, Natalie lay alone in her bed at the hotel (she and Henry had been sleeping together since freshman year of college, but to appease everyone they'd booked two rooms. After all, they were only in the hotel two nights, and they needed to sleep separately on the eve of their wedding anyway). She tossed and turned, unable to sleep. She was supposed to be worried about leaving her single life behind, fretting over having sex with the same person for the rest of her life and all that. But she could only see her mom's face when she closed her eyes.

_Goddamit, Mom!_ she cried out in her head. _Couldn't you be here for me just once? I'm getting **married,** for god's sake. Just think of me for once- I don't ask for much!_

If she wasn't there on Saturday, Natalie didn't know what she would do. She would have to make it through the day, and wait until everything was over before she freaked out. She would force herself to have a good time, or at least fake it. She'd save the tears for after the reception.

_And Dad will be there, too. Don't forget._ That was true. He was so gung-ho over this, it was almost sickening. Natalie could tell that his lack of a real wedding had sort of come out in the planning of her own. But he was so focused on making this nice for her and Henry that she would be ever grateful for it. He'd really been wonderful in the past few years.

_If she's not there,_ Natalie thought,_ don't you dare do something stupid, like freak out and throw an tantrum. You don't owe her that- don't let her ruin anything else for you. Or Henry. Don't ruin this for Henry._

Henry. She wouldn't mess this up for him. Sitting up in bed, she rubbed her neck and her eyes, which she'd realized were leaking some tears. The red digital clock next to her red 12:09, and she knew she'd have to fall asleep soon or else feel horrible in the morning. But her stomach was feeling jumpy, and she suddenly felt like she had all the energy in the world. She stepped out of bed, pulled on a sweatshirt, grabbed her keycard, slipped on her flip-flops and left the room.

For a few minutes, she just wandered like a ghost through the halls, passing all of the anonymous rooms. She tried not to think about the fact that her mother was not in one of them. She'd been wandering for a half-hour when she started feeling sleepy again; but the thought of returning to her room was not promising. Instead, she found the elevator and ascended one floor level, knocking on the door to room 1412.

"Wha- hello? Who's that...?" the voice came from inside, and she couldn't help but smile.

"It's me," she said, and the door opened. Henry's eyes were puffy and he was squinting at the light, his hair all crumpled on one side.

"Sorry- I woke you! I just figured you'd be awake for some reason... I wasn't thinking."

"No, it's ok, come in." She stepped into his dark room. "Couldn't sleep?" he asked, and she nodded, but then remembered he couldn't see her.

"Yeah. I was just thinking about mom. I mean, she's _still _not here, and she was supposed to be here Wednesday, and I can't reach her..." Natalie's voice broke. "Henry, what if she doesn't show up? What'll we do?"

"We get through it, and get married, then I send her a strongly-worded letter later."

Natalie just sighed. "Henry- it's not that simple. I'm her _only child-_I don't care what mom and dad say- I'm the only one. She owes it to me to be here, and I don't know why she doesn't _want _to be- for god's sake, Henry, when- if, whatever- we have kids, I am _never_, _ever_ doing this to them, I'll be at _everything _for them. I mean, what the hell? I'm getting married! This wasn't sudden or anything, she's known for _months,_ why doesn't she care? Why does she _hate me so much?"_

_"_Natalie, she doesn't hate you. You know she's got other things to worry about-"

"Yeah- other things like her dead son, and her own health and all that. I asked for _one_ thing from her, really. How complicated is it to love your own daughter? How fucked up to you have to be to spend your whole life wishing she was someone else?" she felt her eyes tearing up while she said this. "And, the fucked up part is, I still love her! I still need her here! I mean, why should I care? She's treated me like shit- the only good thing she ever did for me was leave. And she's not here, and all I want is for her to come back. She hurts me when she's with me, and when she's not- when will _I_ win?"

"She does love you- you know that. She just... can't do it properly," Henry said. "I'm sure she'll be here tomorrow, Nat. But if she's not- well," he drew her closer and wrapped his arms around her, and she buried her face in his chest to try and disguise the fact that she was crying, "you've got a lot of other people here for you. I mean, just look at everyone here who loves you. And what I've been thinking this whole time is that the wedding doesn't matter anyway-"

"I know... it's the marriage," she rolled her eyes.

"I was going to say the tax benefits and sex every night, but ok."

She laughed. "Don't even _try_ to act like you're not a hopeless romantic!"

"Oh, well. See, I have faults, too..."

"Not as hurtful ones," she argued.

"Well, that's why you're marrying _me,_ and not her," he explained.

"Um, eew, Henry."

"Stay here tonight," he said, leaning back onto the bed. She lay down next to him, and instantly felt sleepy.

"'Kay." It was only a minute before they both fell asleep.

* * *

That morning, Henry woke early for once, and sat up. Natalie was just stirring, and he noticed it was only seven-thirty. She opened one eye.

"Hey," she said.

"Morning, sleepy."

She groaned and sat up, looking at the clock before flopping back down against the pillows. "I have to get back to my room..."

"Naw, you don't. Come on, it's not like a secret. We practically live together-"

"No, I have to get dressed and everything, and all my clothes are downstairs." She leaned over and kissed him.

"I'll see you at breakfast, ok?"

She nodded. "Meet you in a half-hour."

Opening the door quietly, she went out into the hallway, jumping when she spied someone coming down the hall. She hoped to god it wasn't Henry's grandma again- she didn't need to give any other reasons to think she was 'improper.'

"Good morning!"

Oh, it was just Emily.

"Hey," Natalie said. "How are you?"

"I'm fine. Look at you, sneaking back in the morning..." Emily laughed, and Natalie rolled her eyes.

"I, uh, couldn't sleep."

"I understand," Emily winked. Natalie blushed. Discussing her sex life, or alluding to it, with Henry's only sibling was not exactly comfortable. At least it wasn't grandma.

"I have to go get dressed," Natalie said, moving towards the elevator.

"Ok- see you downstairs."

* * *

A few minutes later, Natalie was in the elevator, hair still wet because she hadn't bothered to blow it dry. The lobby was filled with people, some of which she knew, but most of which she didn't, and everyone was greeting her and introducing themselves. Henry came to her rescue and led her towards where her father was sitting.

They sat down on the couch with Dan and Henry's parents and were chatting for a few minutes before Henry turned around and looked out glass doors. A well-groomed woman with light-brown hair was pulling a small suitcase through the automatic doors. Henry turned back around and poked Natalie lightly on the arm to get her attention.

"Look," he sat, nodding to the woman at the desk and smiling.

Her heart skipped a beat, and, abandoning all her anger from the night before, jumped up from her chair and ran over to the front desk.

"_Mom!"_ she cried, and hugged her tightly. "I'm so glad you're here."

Diana leaned back and looked Natalie up and down. "You look good," she said. "Happy. Are you?"

Natalie smiled, nodding vigorously. "Yes, I am, Mom. Thank you so much for being here." Despite herself, she hugged her again, surprised by how wonderful it felt when her mom hugged her back.

"I wouldn't miss if for anything, Natalie."

"Come on, I'm sure everyone wants to see you..."

Natalie tugged her along back towards the rest of her family.

* * *

**Hoped you liked that! Seriously, anyone who's reading these, PLEASE review. I'm seriously getting desperate- let me know what you think, I really could use some feedback!**


	6. Trying Again

**Sorry I haven't updated in forever- lack of inspiration, maybe. Hope this is alright!**

"Diana?" Dan asked, opening the door to their little house and putting his briefcase down. "Di? I need to talk to you."

"Dan!" a voice from the kitchen said, sounding alarmingly happy and wonderful. Confused, he made to go find her, before his wife emerged, fully made-up and dressed neatly and prettily, her hair clean and combed, an apron around her waist. "Hi, dear," she said, kissing him and taking his hand. "How was work?"

"Fine..." he said, thoroughly puzzled. This morning she had been blue as ever. The night before they had argued over whether or not to put some of the pictures of Gabe away and off the refrigerator. He had said they should, she had argued, and there were some scratches on his arms and a few broken glasses to prove it. 'We can't forget our son!' she had yelled. But here she was, perfect and beautiful. "How are you?"

"Wonderful. Feeling like I could conquer the world!" she yelled, turning on the spot. "I'm making dinner; it should be ready soon. Just sit down and wait-"

"Di, I wanted to talk to you." He had an idea; it had been churning in his head for a few weeks, and today he'd decided to talk to Diana about it. There couldn't have been more perfect of an opportunity if he'd asked for one.

"Sure, sweetie..."

She seemed distracted.

"Di-" he reached for her hand, pulling her down into a chair and kissing her. "You're in a good mood today."

"I'm feeling great, Dan- I feel like I'm going to make it through. I know it's already been eight months, but I'm really starting to get a handle on it. Maybe I, um... won't need that stuff anymore."

Dan raised his eyebrows.

"Not now- I mean, soon, maybe. If there's more days like this."

He nodded. "More days like this..."

"So you said you had something to say?"

"Yes," he took her hand again. "Di, I feel like we need something to distract us from all this grief. You seem to be getting better, and I know I've started to go through days without crying anymore. But this waiting isn't enough- we both need something to take our minds off of him."

"Like what?" she asked, raising her eyebrows. "A vacation? Because I _really _don't think that's going to-"

"No. Something... permanent. To maybe fill this hole," he rested his hand against his heart. "And keep us busy."

"How busy?" she asked, looking suspicious.

"Busy enough not to... uh, sleep through the nights again. And maybe we'd have to paint a few rooms..."

"Dan. Clarify, now."

He swallowed- he certainly didn't want her to get angry with him again, or even be offended. But it was the best idea he'd had so far, and it would just _have to work. _"I think we should have another baby."

Diana just blinked, her face completely blank.

"Don't you see, Di? It's exactly what we need! Not to replace him- we could never, never do that. But we'll have something to take care of again, some _one _to love. Someone more important than ourselves- and we can do it, Di, I have faith in us. It'll be good. Think of it- a beautiful little baby..." _Please agree... I need this, Diana. Not for you, for me. For us._

A huge smile broke out on her face. "Dan, you're... wonderful. And exactly right!" Throwing her arms around him, she kissed him full on the mouth.

_I won't question it,_ he thought. _But maybe this time... well, I'll do it right. _

* * *

**Six Weeks Later**

Things had been going well, so far! Diana had been wonderful every day, cooking dinner, smiling, taking care of herself... Dan no longer feared what he would find when he got home from work. At six-thirty, he pulled into the driveway and cut the engine of the car, whistling to himself and hopping up the steps.

"Di?" he called. "I'm home!"

There was only silence.

"Di?" he asked, setting his keys on the table near the door. "Di?"

Still no reply. _She's got to be here, _he thought. _She's always home when I get home from work..._

A thumping noise came from upstairs, and his heart leaped a bit as he ascended the stairs. There was a light on in the bathroom, and the door was ajar. Carefully, he pushed it open to reveal his wife sitting on floor, the tile littered with pregnancy tests and bits of paper. She did not look up when he came in.

"Diana?" he asked, getting down on his knees and putting his hands on her shoulders. "Love- Diana- what's wrong."

Her eyes just started blankly as he tried to shake this out of her.

"_Diana?"_

"Dan, I'm pregnant."

He didn't know what to say. Why did she look upset? Wasn't this what they wanted? Didn't she say that this was a brilliant idea...? Hadn't she...? _This couldn't be happening again!_

"Diana- that's great!" he smiled, trying to get her to smile back. But she just shook her head.

"No."

"Yes, Di- it's _wonderful!_ Isn't this what you wanted?"

All at once, her eyes seemed to burn as she stared him straight in the face. "_No! _This is what_ you _wanted!"

He sat back. "Diana- I thought this would help-"

"It's all about making you forget, isn't it, Dan? Maybe I don't want to forget it! We can't all be _numb _like you! I don't _want _another child!"

"Diana, I know you'll love this child as much as- as much as you loved... him."

"Gabe, Dan. _Gabe._ We can't do this! Don't you remember?! He _died._ Gabriel- our little Gabe- don't you _remember_ him? _Gabe-"_

"Stop!" Dan yelled, throwing up a hand to block her face from view. "Please... stop."

"He died because of us, Dan. Our _child._ And you want to have another one? You'll trust yourself- you'll trust me- to have another child?"

"Yes, Diana. I believe we can do it."

"Well then. You're a fool."

He nodded. "That may be the case. But I'd rather have hope than have lost it all."

She didn't speak for a moment. "I can't have this baby."

"Yes, you can. And you will," he stood up. "And you'll love our child, I promise."

She looked up at him, looking doubtful. "Really?"

"I promise. Everything will be ok." He held out a hand, helping her up to her feet. "I'll make it all ok."

_We're going to have this baby. I won't mess it up this time. I know we can do it- the first time... well, that wasn't really our fault, was it? This time, we'll take care of everything ourselves. Di will get better. I'll help her._

_Because that is what I have to do._

* * *

That night after Dan fell asleep, Diana lay awake thinking with her hand on her stomach. There was a tiny being in there now, she knew. Someone small and defenseless, who she had to care of. Why couldn't she? What was wrong with her, that she didn't want her own child?

But every time she shut her eyes to imagine this baby, she only thought of her little blond angel. The one she couldn't have.

"Mommy?" she suddenly heard in the dark, a whisper at once familiar and completely new.

"What's that?" she whispered, her heart pounding. "Who's there?"

"Mommy, it's me."

Then all the sudden she saw him. Her little boy, sitting on the end of her bed.

"Mommy, I couldn't sleep."

He was different. He wasn't the baby she had lost- he was older, a little. About... well, eight months older. He was bigger, but he was the same somehow. None of that mattered, though. He was _here._

Tears filled her eyes. "Sweetheart, come here," she said, opening her arms to this miracle. Who had said he had died? He was right here. _I knew he'd find a way to come back to me,_ she thought.

Dan was wrong. 'He' hadn't died. _Gabe_ was right here.

His tiny body climbed into his mother's lap, and she wrapped her arms around him.

"I missed you, mommy," he said.

"Oh, darling, I missed you too... I missed you so much. Don't ever leave me again," she pleaded, holding him tighter as her tears escaped.

"I won't mommy. I promise."

_I can't wait to tell Dan, _she thought. She was thought of waking him, but then she thought better of it. Gabe was _hers. _She had thought Dan understood, but it's clear he never had. He didn't have the same love for him that she held; otherwise Gabe would have returned to him, too.

Maybe this would stay her secret. At least for awhile.

She had Gabe. Maybe, if they had this child, it would all be alright, and Dan could love Gabe again. They could all be a family, and she would do something right, for once.

_That will never happen to me again,_ she thought.

"I love you," she whispered, but heard nothing back.

_He must be asleep,_ she thought.


	7. Forever and Forever and Forever

**Sorry peeps, this chapter is rated M- not exactly graphic, but more sexual than any of the other chapters I've written in this story or for this fandom. But like I said- it's not porn or anything, haha. Just Nat/Henry.**

**And I don't own anything, including a line someone might see from a Nicholas Sparks book.**

**PLEASE review this. ****PLEASE. Because it might be one of my favorites, cheesey as it is.**

* * *

"Natalie..." he whispered against her mouth as her lips moved around his and they leaned back onto her bed. His hands found their way to the hem of her shirt, and they skirted underneath it, before his progress was interrupted by Natalie removing his own shirt. He raised his arms, and then his shirt joined their shoes on the floor. His hands went straight back to roamed her soft stomach, and then higher up, until he removed her shirt just to make it easier... She continued kissing him- his mouth, his cheeks, his neck- while he touched her.

It was early October of their Freshman year in college, a Friday night. They'd taken to spending Fridays together, since they no longer saw each other during the week. And lately- since before they'd gone away, even- things had been getting pretty heated. Natalie's roommate was out at the time, so they'd used her room for a little messing around.

But as Natalie's shirt and bra joined Henry's shirt on the floor, and there was some below-the waist touching going on, things were getting a little too far. Henry's hands trailed down her stomach and onto the waistband of her jeans, but Natalie pushed him away.

"No- not here. Not with everyone around," she said, referring to the noise coming from the hallways of the dorm. "Anyone could walk in here-"

"There's a lock on your door," Henry protested, but she put a finger to his lips.

"I'm not saying _no,_ I'm saying not here."

He sat back, and nodded, looking sort of disappointed. She reached for her shirt and put it on, and then leaned forward and kissed him again. "Hey. I don't think either of us was exactly _expecting _it to be tonight, Henry... and I'm not ready."

He looked up at her and took her hands. "You're not ready? Natalie- I'll wait if you're not ready... but I thought you were, I mean, we talked about this-"

"No, I mean I'm not ready with," she blushed, "any kind of protection. I want to get something from my doctor, you know."

He nodded, understanding. "Oh. Right."

"Maybe... two weeks? If I set up an appointment tomorrow I don't think I can get anything until the end of the week, and I think it needs some time to, you know, work..."

"Right," he said again.

_Why can't we just have sex?_ she thought, mentally kicking herself for, once again, thinking logically. _Why doesn't it happen like it does in movies, where we're just automatically ready? Trust me to bring up all the necessarily details and kill the moment..._

But there was one thing she wanted to get out of the way.

She bit her lip. What she wanted wasn't unreasonable, it was just going to be sort of difficult. "I don't want to do it in a dorm room, Henry."

He looked up at her this time. "Where else can we go? We don't have any money for a hotel."

She knew that. She sighed and hugged her knees to her chest. "I don't know where... but it just doesn't feel right, you know? With everyone around? It seems... cheap somehow."

Henry didn't really care either way- he thought that, provided it was with Natalie, anywhere was ok. But if she wanted something, he would try his best to give it to her. Especially with something like this- sex was a big deal, and he wanted everything to be perfect for her.

"I'll try to find somewhere," he promised.

* * *

On Wednesday, Natalie left the pharmacy holding the paper bag and feeling strangely like she was getting away with something. She'd fulfilled the prescription and paid for it herself. She was just glad she was already 18- she knew that she could get birth control as a minor without her parents input, but she wasn't up on the details. This just made everything easier.

She got back to her dorm and checked the time. Four o'clock. She decided to take the first pill.

She felt accomplished. Though she knew it wasn't working right away, she had an idle thought. _I'm protected against pregnancy... I'm almost a sexually active woman._

How strange.

She excited about this- she felt like she was growing up. She was a legal adult, in college, about to have sex. But she wasn't nervous. If it wasn't Henry, she probably would have been. But it _was_ Henry, and that changed things.

* * *

The next Friday, Henry picked her up. Her not-nervous feelings were now gone, and she felt the same feeling she got a long time ago when they'd had their first date. The feeling that she didn't want to do this at all; she needed to be brave, because she knew that as soon as he kissed her, she wouldn't feel that way anymore. Her brain was just psyching her out.

"Hey," he said, leaning over and kissing her.

"Hey."

"I, um, found somewhere to go. You're not cold, are you?"

She looked at him funnily. It was warm outside- early October was always that time when people _thought_ it was fall, but the weather was still warm. And tonight was especially comfortable.

"No, I'm fine."

"Ok, good."

She reached for his hand, and they drove in comfortable silence. Natalie couldn't guess where they were going, but didn't quite care. After about twenty minutes, he pulled up to a park- not the kind of park with a playground, but a stretch of grass enclosed with trees. Kind of like a meadow. Only there were no houses around here, no sign of life. There was no light except the moon and the stars, but one could nevertheless see. She took a deep breath. _Here we go,_ she thought.

Henry got out of the car, and she sat alone for a minute. When she didn't get out, he went and opened the door for her. She mechanically followed him out of the car, butterflies in her stomach. From the trunk, he retrieved two blankets and a cardboard box. She raised an eyebrow.

"Well, I don't exactly have picnic baskets laying around in my dorm, and this was the best I could do," he explained, and she smiled, reached for his arm and leaning into him. She kissed the side of his face.

"Fine with me."

They found a comfortable spot in the grass, and laid out the blanket. She was glad he brought dinner- she'd had this on her mind all day that she couldn't concentrate on classes, much less eat. And now she realized she was hungry. She sat next to him on the blanket with her legs crossed and they ate, keeping up a kind of idle conversation that neither was following. It was obvious that they both had other things on their minds. She looked up at the stars and leaned into Henry's chest, resting her head on his shoulder. She closed her eyes, feeling the warm air around her and his Henry-ish scent, and listened as their breaths were almost synchronized. She felt her love for him and his love for her as he put a hand atop her head and kissed her hair, and she was completely, utterly content. No one could take this moment away.

* * *

After they finished eating, they looked at each other kind of awkwardly, each knowing what came next, but not knowing how to get there. It was like their destination lay at the other end of a crevice. A crevice, they thought, of awkwardness.

"So," Henry said, breaking the silence. She laughed.

"So..." she said right back.

"So... this," he said, and put a hand behind her neck, drawing her to him, and kissed her on the lips.

"So what?" she whispered, and he kissed her again. And again. And then she kissed him back, over and over.

Until she was on her back, and he'd laid the other blanket over them both, and their clothes lay in a pile together next to them. Until he was touching her somewhere no one had ever touched her before, and she felt like it was more right than anything she'd ever imagined, though it was supposed to be so wrong. Until he told her not to worry- if it hurt too much they'd stop. Until she was holding onto him as tightly as she could, and he entered her, finally putting them together, like two broken pieces who'd been looking for each other on a long, lonely journey.

She gasped in pain, and he stopped, but soon the pain subsided as well. It was an uncomfortable, but not altogether an unpleasant experience for awhile, until she decided to stop thinking about it. Once she relaxed, breathing deeply, she realized how truly beautiful it was.

She raised her hand up and drew Henry's face to hers. "I love you," she said, kissing him passionately.

"I adore you," he answered, breathing heavy, and she smiled, leaning her head back against the grass as Henry's lips traveled down from her own onto her neck and shoulders.

* * *

Afterwards, they lay intertwined beneath the blankets, with their eyes closed. It seemed as though they were asleep, but they were not- they were just _feeling, _without the added distraction of sight. They felt their arms around each other, felt the others breath brush their skin, felt where their bodies were touching.

Eventually, they did fall asleep, completely alone in this park, but absolutely supremely happy in this alone-ness.

* * *

When Natalie awoke, it was still dark. She was laying on her stomach when she shivered and tugged the blanket around her, and looked to her left. She remembered Henry was laying there. He was awake, too, she saw, and staring at her. He reached over and brushed some of her stray curls from her face.

"I'm going to marry you one day, you know," he whispered with the air of finality in his voice. She looked away, feeling put on the spot.

"Is that a promise?" she asked, still not looking at him, trying to decide if this ruined the night or made it more romantic.

He shrugged. "Only if you want it to be."

She looked away, not answering.

"That's ok," he whispered, kissing her shoulder blade. "I wasn't asking you tonight." He laughed softly, almost imperturbably. "We have loads and loads of time..."

She smiled at that. "Days and days..."

"Years...?" he added, and she just sat up a little, tugging the blanket around her again, and kissed him on the lips.

"Years."

* * *

"What time is it?" she asked, sighing. She didn't want to leave, but she knew they couldn't stay all night. And she was getting cold. Well, she was naked but for the blanket. That might explain something.

Henry reached around and found his jeans, taking his phone out of the pocket. "Four thirty."

She sighed. "Wow."

He rolled back over. "Does 'wow' mean it's time for me to take you home?"

"No. 'Wow' means I don't want to go home, and I wish I could stay here with you forever."

"I'll take it," he said, kissing her again and enfolding her in his arms securely. "Then... wow."

"...But it also means that, no matter what we feel, we still have to go."

"Oh," he said, frowning. "Yeah, I guess you're right."

He sat up and found his jeans, slipping them on, she fumbled around, and then he handed her her shirt. As if on a second thought, he found his sweatshirt. Instead of just handing to to her, he slipped it right over her head. She wiggled her arms through the sleeves, and then smiled.

"Thanks."

"Anytime."

* * *

As he pulled up to her dorm, they both sighed. He cut the engine, and she leaned over to him.

"I don't want to go inside."

"I don't want _you_ to go inside."

"I'll miss you," she said.

"Me too... When can I see your face again?"

She smiled at his wording. "Um... well, I suppose we could go out tomorrow night-"

"Good. Great. I'll be here. We'll do whatever you want." He answered fast, obviously over joyed to be seeing her again so quickly. She couldn't say she didn't feel the same way.

She kissed him again, but this time did not stop for a long, long while. When she pulled back, it was only far enough to speak. "I love you, you know."

"I know that. And I love you right back."

"And... thank you. For making this night special. I know I'll remember this forever."

He looked into her eyes- the eys he loved so much- and answered. "I will too. Forever."

She reached for his hand, and intertwined their fingers. "Forever and forever..."

"Goodnight," he said, getting out of the car and walking her to the door of her building. "Goodnight, my love."

No one had ever called her that. Usually they just said 'I love you.' She realized she liked it.

"Goodnight right back, Henry." She decided to try it herself. "My love."

He laughed, ruffling her hair.

"Do you need you sweatshirt back?"

"No, keep it as long as you like."

"Good- because you aren't getting it back," she said, teasing.

"I was hoping you'd say that." He put his hand on the small of her back and kissed her again. Her lips were getting chapped from all this, but she didn't care. As she wrapped her arms around his neck, she thought of how she never wanted this to end. She wanted this with Henry, forever.

Remembered what he'd said tonight made her smile against his lips. She easily could have him, forever and forever. All she had to do was ask.

But for now, she'd take it one day at a time.


	8. A Girl with a Mother

**This takes place right after Dan and Di elope in Portland.**

**I own nothing!**

**Review, por favor. 3**

* * *

Diana was feeling especially alive tonight. She and Dan had just moved into their new apartment- well, if you could even call in moving in! Boxes covered every inch of their teeny new home- though no one could call it a home yet. The most homey thing was the mattress on the floor of their bedroom. They'd unpacked enough to cover the bed in sheets and a bedspread and retrieve their toothbrushes, toothpaste, and toilet paper. It was sort of invigorating- she felt so wonderful, living with Dan in this little place. They had barely any money, and had just come home from getting married... They were so _independent. _She cooked dinner that night- or rather made grilled cheeses and opened some Cokes. But you know what? Same thing anyway.

They were adults now, living together, married, making their way in their new home. Now, when she thought about the baby, she didn't dread it- it seemed natural. She could even admit it now- she loved Dan. It was true, and knowing this just made their life all the better. Young and in love, they would find their way together. Now, getting ready for bed in the run-down bathroom with some cracked tiles and a faucet that was a little too hard to turn on, she felt strangely excited. All this might have depressed her at one time, just been a characteristic of running off to get married at twenty-one. _You're too young, _most people said. But now, this struggling feeling felt romantic and wild.

She danced out of the bathroom in her nightgown and found Dan on their makeshift bed. She jumped right down onto the mattress and leaned over him, taking the book out of his hands and laying it on the ground next to him while she kissed him.

"Hi," he said in surprise.

"Hi," she smiled, kissing him again. "I am in _such_ a good mood right now."

He kissed her again before leaning back and resting his head against the wall. He looked at her with a curious expression on his face for a minute, brushing a strand of her hair out of her face, and frowning. "When are you going to tell your mom?"

She swatted his chest a little, laughing. "Stop it, silly! Way to ruin the moment." She ignored the expression on his face and leaned in to kiss him again. "We don't need to talk about this-"

He gently pushed her away. "Actually, yes, Di, we do."

She tried pouting, but he just ignored her. She sighed, audibly showing how annoyed she was, and then rolled away from him.

"Why do you always have to make things miserable? No wait- it's not you. It's me, right? I'm just too _wild_ or something, right?"

"No, Di- listen! I just think that she should know-"

"Dan, you _know_ how she feels about me. She doesn't understand me. When she hears about this, all she's going to say is something ridiculous like, 'Don't bother coming back,' or the like. I've told you this before- didn't you listen?"

"She's still your mom, Di. And she should know," he said with an air of finality.

Diana rolled her eyes. "Have you told _your_ parents?" She doubted it.

"Yes, I have," he answered immediately. "I wanted to pass on that my mother invited us to come back home- or, well, to their home- to visit next month. We can't go- I have classes to double up on and everything- but I wanted to pass on the invitation. You, of course are welcome to go by yourself."

"Goody-goody," Diana whispered in anger, but then she considered that for a moment. "You really told her?" Dan nodded. "And she wasn't mad?"

"Oh, well, she said all the usual things. We're too young, she's disappointed that we can't finish college like 'normal' people, and all that. But no, she's not too angry. My father didn't want to speak to me, but that's always been his way. He'll come round in the next couple weeks."

"And they know about the baby?"

"Yes, they know about the baby."

Diana bit her lip. "I'm telling you, Dan, you don't know my mother. Marianne already thinks I'm crazy or something."

Dan resisted the temptation to roll his eyes at Diana's old habit of calling her other by her first name, and instead rolled over to his side, and looked her deeply in the eyes. "We can do it tomorrow. I'll go with you."

"No," Diana said, "She doesn't like you at all anyway."

He raised his eyebrows, but Diana was already thinking about something else. Typical; her mind was flying over something else before she could consider what she'd said last.

"I'll go by myself. But she might kill me."

* * *

Diana smoothed her dress, hating herself for the butterflies in her stomach. She's tried to look nice, groomed her hair and checked her stockings- yes, _stockings,_ for God's sake- for any runs. But no matter how good she looked, it didn't keep her mother's eyes from scraping over her frame with keen, unwavering judgement.

"Hello," her mother said, smiling warmly. To Diana, it seemed wooden. "To what do I owe this surprise, dear?"

"May I come in?" Diana asked, and her mother stepped back from the door.

They sat in the living room, and Diana accepted the glass of lemonade her mother gave her. Of course- freshly made lemonade.

"How's school going?" her mother asked.

"It's... fine," Diana said honestly. She was quitting after this semester, but her mother didn't need to know that. Anyway, she'd resume with night school after the baby was born. Everything in her life was different now, because of the baby. Everything was categorized to "before the baby," and "after the baby."

Di picked up her glass in her left hand, and saw her mothers eyes bug out. _Oh, shit,_ she thought, cursing herself. She'd wanted to tell her mother first. She put her glass down, and her mother reached for her hand and snatched it up from the coffee table, examining her ring finger.

"What is this?"

"See, Mom, I came here to tell you-"

"Yes?" Marianne's eyes were piercing. Angry.

"I'm... married," Diana confessed, swallowing the lump in her throat. Why did everything she ever do seem to be a disappointment?

"You're pregnant, aren't you?"

Di closed her eyes. It was the only answer her mother needed.

"Of course. How did I not see this coming?" she exclaimed, giving a dry, humorless laugh. She stood up. "No- actually, I did see this coming. I thought it was that boy who was the problem, and how crazy about him you were- but no. No, it's always been you, Diana. You and your _impulses._ Nothing is ever good enough for you, is it?"

_What is she talking about? _Diana wondered, trying to tune her mother's angry words out, wondering when she could leave and go home. She tried. She failed.

"You are blessed with a brilliant mind, but throughout high school you're always pushing buttons. Your father said you were just testing things- being a teenager. We ignored it when you did some of those stupid things. Honestly- we know about the pot, drinking, parties, sneaking out, all of it. 'All part of being a teenager,' we said. You still got good grades, so we let it pass by. You get into a good college, we pay _every penny,_ but you can't just do things like everyone else, can you?"

Diana had no answer. _Is that a rhetorical question?_ she wanted to ask, but decided it was best to bite her tongue.

Marianne gave another dry laugh. "You know who I feel bad for? Not you- goodness knows, you'll find some way to make it through without giving anything up, because you're good at that- no. The baby, and your husband. Dan, right? Because I can see it now: he proposed because it was the right thing to do, am I right, Diana?"

Again, she said nothing.

"I am. But after the baby's born, you'll find something else that catches your eye, and you'll fly away. God knows if the baby's even enough to keep you tethered. Because I know this boy isn't. But if you can't think about him, think about the baby, because that's your responsibility now. You're a _mother_ now, Diana, and God knows you're not ready for it. But you have to be. If no one else- me, your father, your _husband, _can convince you to think of anyone else, at least let it be your child!"

Diana wanted to scream- she came here to do the right thing and tell her mother, and she's being judged like she's never been judged before.

_Maybe she's right,_ a small voice in her head said. _And that's why it hurts to hear it. _

"No!" she cried out, whether to her mother or the voice in her head, she wasn't sure.

She stood up, ignoring her mother's protests, and stormed out of the house without another word. She found her keys and got into her car, driving a few blocks away before pulling over to collect herself.

_I won't let her be right,_ she thought. _I will do this correctly- I won't run away from this. I won't run away from the baby. _

She thought about the vows she'd recited to Dan- even though she wasn't the type of person to take things seriously, she thought of the look Dan had in his eyes when he'd recited them. Final. Truthful. Honorable. He wasn't going to back out of this, she knew. And she would try the very best she could to give him everything she had. He deserved it.

She gulped. Her husband deserved it. Her baby deserved it. She's promised him. She'd promised _them._

* * *

"Diana! Come back!" she cried, but in vain. She closed the door slowly, and turned back to the living room, picking up the lemonade from the coffee table, where it left a ring of residue. Mechanically, she brought the glass to the sink and washed it, before taking a damp washcloth and cleaning the ring before it left a stain on the wood.

When this was done, she took her head in her hands.

Why could she never get through to Diana? Why did she have to say those things? How could she be so cruel?

Marianne didn't understand how she could have a daughter so unlike herself. She loved Diana dearly but could never quite understand her. She was always running fast, wild, free, and Marianne had always been contained, quiet, well-behaved. Did she resent her daughter for this freedom?

Maybe. But maybe she wanted her daughter to know the happiness that comes from being settled down, too.

She regretted her words; they were said in haste and she knew they cut deep and could not be taken back. But at the same time, she hoped some of it had sunk in. Because whether or not she had been a good mother to Diana, Diana had to try and be a good mother to her own baby, and a good wife to this Dan.

She had only met Dan twice. She seen him more than that, when she visited Diana at school, but was formerly introduced once. Another time, he'd gone out to lunch with Marianne and her husband when they dropped Diana off at school at the beginning of the semester.

She'd met her son-in-law twice. Tears leaked from her eyes- had she ruined everything with Diana?

She hoped not. Hands shaking, she went to the refrigerator and found Diana's number. She called it, and heard what she already knew. Diana had moved, and there was no new number available.

* * *

Two hours later, Diana arrived back at her apartment. She leaned against the door, closing her eyes, when the phone rang. She let it ring a few times, before the chiming became annoying and she answered it.

"Hello?"

"Diana?" her mother's voice came through the line. She steeled herself.

"How did you get this number?"

"I... called one of your friends and they gave it to me. I wanted to say that I'm... very sorry for what I said. I hope I haven't hurt you-"

"You _hope you haven't hurt me?"_ Diana said in disbelief. "Are you _insane, _mother? How could you _not_ have hurt me?"

The line was quiet for a long time.

"I hope you can forgive me, then," she said. "I am... very disappointed. But I want you to know that I think you have made the right decision, and... your father and I support you."

Diana twisted the phone cord between her fingers. "And?"

"And... that's all. But you and Dan are welcome to come over anytime you like... we would like to see you."

"Thank you," Diana said primly.

"No. Please, please visit. And if you'd like any kind of party to celebrate- the rest of the family might be put out they weren't part of the wedding." Marianne tried to hide that by "the rest of the family" she meant herself.

"No parties, mom," Diana protested. "You know that I hate parties."

"Right," she said awkwardly. "So... when was the wedding? Where?"

"It was last Friday, in Portland." It was Thursday.

"Ah. Rain. I think that's supposed to be good luck."

"Yeah. So, umm..."

"I should let you go, I suppose?" Marianne said, dreading hanging up: when would she speak to Diana again?

"I guess. Bye mom."

"Bye, Diana. I love you," she answered, but the phone line was dead.

* * *

Diana sat on top of one of the still-packed boxes and thought about that day.

Her mother had reacted exactly as she'd expected, at first. And then she'd apologized... but was it good enough?

Relationships were like people, Diana knew. That day proved it like nothing else: relationships were alive. When you did something to hurt them, they needed time to heal. But could twenty-one years of misunderstanding, repression, and bad communication ever be healed completely? Or would the relationship just... die? After twenty-one years of wounds, a person surely would, so why wouldn't a relationship?

* * *

**Nineteen Years Later**

She put her suitcase down next to her bed, the same bed she'd slept in as a teenager.

"Deja vous," she said out loud. There was a knock at her door, and her mother entered. Her hair was gray, there were wrinkles around her eyes.

"Wow," she thought, and Diana automatically wanted to counter with an argument. Reflexes, you know. But then Marianne continued. "I'm proud of you. You're a brave, strong woman, Diana," she said, and opened her arms to her daughter.

_Weird..._ Diana thought. They were grown women, who seldom embraced even when she was a child. But she obliged.

Diana didn't feel brave. She left her husband and daughter, and it took every ounce of strength she had to do it. She still loved them both. But she couldn't face another day with them... she had no strength left, no bravery.

"Thank you for coming here," her mother said into her ear.

She was then hit with a realization: what if her mother had never really hated her? What if, all this time, they'd just been on different frequencies, and her mother had loved her the whole time? She knew it was true. What if her mother had just been waiting for her to come home?

Diana thought of Natalie, and shuddered. Could she finally be a good daughter and come home, but still be a good mother to Natalie? To be a good mother, she had to _be there._ Involved, at least a little. Could she be both?

She didn't know.

She'd just have to figure it out.

* * *

**This is just from the line "a girl with a mother who just couldn't cope." I thought about how Diana's mother must have been, and imagined someone who like Diana, loved her daughter but didn't understand her. However, Diana's mother would probably have been someone quite stable and predictable, and that's why Diana- so unstable- would have been unable to be understood.**

**LEMME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK!**

**Thanks so much for reading.**


	9. Band Class in High School

**Hey people! I'm a band geek (and a choir geek) so I figured that, since I made Henry a band director, he needed a scene while he's teaching. I modeled this after something that actually happened to me, and the orchestra director at my school. It was very sad- the kids hounded him until he got very upset. **

**Poor Henry.**

**Obviosly I own nothing or I'd be dating Henry be now. Duh.**

**REVIEW PLEASE!!! Lemme know- am I writing too much Henry/Nat fluff? Because I personally believe that there can't be too much, but you never know...**

* * *

"Ok, guys, listen up," Henry said, tapping his baton on the director's music stand and stepping off the podium. He picked up a stack of pink flyers. "I'm not going to be here for the next few weeks- hey!" he said, actually raising his voice a little as the kids didn't stop talking. _Teaching high school is a bitch, _he thought to himself. "I won't be here next week, or the week after, but I'm coming back Tuesday. You'll still have band every day, and for those of you in jazz band, that _still_practices both Tuesdays and Thursdays, ok? Mr. O'Connor will be directing you," Henry said, referring to the percussion assistant.

The sixty-sum band kids looked up from taking apart their instruments and putting their music away and gave him confused looks.

"Where are you going for two weeks?" one girl asked.

"You can't leave us, Mr. Carter!" a boy, Jamie, said overdramatically, just trying to make people laugh. "We love you!"

Soon everybody was asking.

"Where are you going?" they all wanted to know. "Tell us! Tell us!"

"I'm, er, getting married," he said nervously, and began handing out the flyers.

"_What?"_ they said.

"You're kidding," one boy said. Henry even heard somebody start laughing. Ouch.

"Hey!" Henry said, offended. "Don't laugh! I am! I really am!"

Henry had a slight problem with maintaining authority in his classroom. With a bunch of sarcastic high school kids and a less-than-forceful personality, he wasn't exactly up to it. And his last comment, he realized, probably did nothing to help.

"We're not laughing _at_ you, Mr. Carter," a girl- Danielle- said. "We're laughing at the way you said it- like you were making it up or something! I mean, you didn't mention anything about it. At _all_."

He heard murmurs of agreement.

"Well, fine. But I'm not. And this sheet has all the info you'll need for jazz band for the next two weeks. I'm obviously not doing private lessons, though. I gave you my email, so if there's any problems, just write, but I don't know how much I'll be able to, er, check it-"

Somebody catcalled ferociously from the back of the room. A percussionist. _Damn those percussionists,_ he thought.

"You have to tell us more, Mr. Carter!" one of the flute players demanded, and her three friends- or cronies, he wasn't sure- giggled. Celia, Catherine, Nicole, and Katie. They made him nervous with their giggling and girly gossipy-ness.

Why did he take a job in high school? He was always the outcast in high school. He'd see the popular kids in this school and he still would be intimidated by them, until he remembered that he'd already been through college and didn't have to worry about them anymore. Band kids were usually not as hard to deal with, though. But sometimes...

"Tell you what?"

"_Well," _Jamie, the same boy who'd tried to make people laugh before began, "what's her _name?"_

"Her name's Natalie," he answered. Was he letting them control his classroom, or was this ok?

"That's a nice name," the kid said, teasing him. "How did you meet her?"

This Henry didn't want to go into. How could he retain the little respect he had in this classroom and say that he met Natalie in sixth grade, but didn't speak to her until junior year? Well, he'd leave out that part. "We went to school together."

"College?" someone asked, this time not in a patronizing tone, so he resumed.

"No, um... middle school and high school. We both played piano. But she plays classical."

"Is she good?"

"Better than me- she works in music business now."

"That's intense."

"Yep."

"So you guys dated since _high school?_"

"Yeah, I guess."

"Aww, that's so _sweet!" _Danielle said. "You're marrying your high school sweetheart."

Ok, this was just embarrassing. And furthermore, even though people often said that to him or Natalie- the high school sweethearts thing- he never thought it sat right. Natalie didn't mind it at all, when people said it to her. He supposed it was because 'sweet' wasn't exactly the best word to describe Natalie, especially in high school. So she wasn't exactly his "high school sweetheart," though he liked to admit that he was hers. But they didn't need to know that.

"Er, right."

"Did you guys go to college together?"

"No, she went to Yale, and I..." he pointed up to the BU banner that hung on the wall.

"How did you ask her?" Celia demanded, and everyone nodded in agreement. Henry blushed.

"Guys, you're going to be late for your next class-"

"No we won't. We still have five minutes. _Please tell us,_" she said.

Henry sighed. "Fine. We were watching a movie, and I put the ring in a bowl of popcorn she was eating, and then when she found it, I asked her to marry me."

"Was she surprised?"

"Well, sort of, but we'd been dating for like six or seven years, so..."

"Jeez," one kid let out, who Henry had seen date three girls already this semester.

"Can we see a picture?" somebody blurted out. Henry felt blood rush up his neck- not at the request, but at how fast everyone began hounding him. They kept giggling and laughing and he heard them all talking and it made him so nervous! He tried to make band fun, and usually he enjoyed it, but there were days like this- days when they just acted so much like the kids who scared him in high school- that he wondered why he wanted this job at all.

Why did they all have to agree? Everyone wanted to see Natalie's picture, and they were all asking for details... he just wanted to go play piano in some quiet room somewhere. And get away from these teenage hormones.

"We know you have one," somebody taunted. "You probably keep it in your wallet..."

_Damn it, how did he know?_

"Fine!" he cried, sounding absolutely defeated. "Fine!"

He took out his wallet and found the picture of Natalie that he kept there, and set it under the computer projector. "There."

"She's _pretty!"_ one of the flutists said. Flautist. Whatever.

"... Thank you?" Henry said. _Why did he respond? _

"Where are you going on your honeymoon?" A trumpet player, Joe, asked.

"Joe, _you can't ask him that!"_ a girl whispered, obviously thinking that Henry couldn't hear.

Maybe he should have said that he planned on getting mono over the weekend instead, and that's why he was going to miss two weeks of school. He doubted they'd notice that he came back wearing a wedding ring.

Worse than these questions, he knew, would be the ones he received when he returned. Oh, joy...

* * *

"Hey," he called into the apartment, dropping his keys down and stepping over a bunch of empty boxes. In the past few weeks, they'd bought a new apartment, sold their old, separate ones, and were moving everything in. Obviously Natalie- who only could have been home for about twenty minutes or so- had finished unpacking another five boxes. Jeez.

He made his way into the kitchen where Natalie was, leaning against the counter with a diet coke. After leaning over and giving her a quick kiss, he reached into the cabinet and found the Advil, taking out two tablets and swallowing them dry.

"Tough day?" Natalie asked.

"You have no idea. They asked me _questions,_" he said, shuddering.

"Oh, no."

"About you. And getting married!"

"No!"

"And they were acting like teenagers! And giggling and catcalling and hormonal and- I know!- and they wanted to know _everything_ and... and... and you're making fun of me," he finished, hurt by the amused look on Natalie's face. "Fine." He sulked away.

She laughed out loud and reached for his arm, pulling him back. "Get over here, you overgrown puppy. I'm laughing because you just turned twenty-five and you're acting like an old man."

"I'm not acting _old,_ I just didn't like high school very much, and even now that I'm out of it, there are days when it just all comes flooding back... the teasing, the sarcasm, the patronizing questions they asked teachers..."

"Ooh, poor baby," Natalie said, again amused.

"Hey!"

"Sorry," she said, wiping the smile off her face. "I'm not being a very supportive fiancee."

"No, you're not," he whined. "I just don't like high school."

"Well, be glad that _this_ time around, you're in charge. Don't let them get you down."

"Right!" Henry said.

"You're the teacher, they're the students," she said, her voice getting a little louder.

"Right!"

"And there's nothing they can say about you that changes anything. They can try to hurt your feelings, but you have to let them do that. Why do you care what they have to say? They're just kids. You're-"

"A man!" Henry said. Natalie laughed.

"Right."

He sighed. "Thanks for the pep talk, Natalie, but I think what I need is just a vacation from school."

"Well, you'll get one. Starting now, actually. But you _do_ have to spend some days of it with my family," she said, cringing.

"But not all the days... they're not coming on our honeymoon," he said, grinning and putting his arms around her waist.

"Thankfully. I think I'd die. I'd just about kill myself. But only if I got rid of them first."

"For once, regarding your family, I have to agree with your animosity and say that it's perfectly healthy. Your father is _not_ coming on our honeymoon."

He kissed her, and then she kissed him back, their arms wrapping around each other and holding tightly. She stepped backwards without breaking the kiss, and Henry leaned towards her as they both leaned against the counter top...

Just then Natalie's phone rang obnoxiously loudly, buzzing against the counter top next to them and blasting an ugly techno ring tone.

"Ah!" Henry cried in surprise and annoyance.

She picked up her phone. The caller ID said "Dad."

Before she answered, Henry muttered. "He's not coming, but he just might try. Nat?"

"What?"

"I think your phone shouldn't come, either."

She had almost opened her phone when the little tone sounded, signifying that she'd missed the call.

"Crap!" she said. She was about to redial when Henry's phone started ringing.

"Dan," it said.

"He must really want to reach us," Henry said.

"It's nothing important, he just wants to talk, I'm sure."

Henry answered, and then passed the phone to Natalie, who chatted for a few minutes, and then hung up.

"Henry?"

"Yeah?"

"Your phone isn't coming, either. There is no Dan involved in our honeymoon. No Dan, and _especially_ no Diana."

"Agreed. Or either of my parents."

"I somehow think you're parents won't be a problem."


	10. A Phone Conversation

Natalie dropped her back pack onto the floor and kicked off her shoes. She poured herself a bowl of potato chips and brought them to the kitchen table with her, retrieving her math book from her backpack. She took her cell phone out, too, and set it down right next to her, hoping for a distraction from the homework.

Ten minutes later, a distraction came in the form of the house phone ringing. Hopping up, eager to stop calculating interest rates, she picked up their ancient-non-caller-ID phone.

"Hello?"

"Natalie?"

She froze.

"Natalie? Are you there?"

A moment passed before she could answer. "Yeah. I'm here mom."

"Hi, sweetheart."

Her mother quieted, obviously not knowing what to say when Natalie didn't respond.

_Well, what did you think, mom? You **left** us last Saturday and didn't even bother to say goodbye to me. Do you honestly think that on Tuesday I'd already be over it? That maybe we'd finally get along?_

When her mother said nothing, Natalie responded, more as a reflex than anything else. "Hey."

"How are you?"

"Fine," Natalie said curtly, leaning against the wall and feeling awkward.

"That's good."

Silence.

"Look, mom, what do you want?"

"Honey, I just want to talk to you-"

"About _what,_ mom? About how you left without saying goodbye? How do you think it feels to come home and find out that you're mother is _gone? _You think I wanted that to happen? You think it's just all ok, because you needed to leave? Couldn't you have thought about _me _for once? Hell- not even like three hours earlier, you said that I needed to start thinking of my own happiness. Well, thanks a lot, mom, because you really kick started that one. I need to start thinking of my own happiness, right? Because _you _are doing everything you can to make sure it doesn't happen! Well, I think that this might have been the craziest thing you've done yet. Do you really believe that you're going to get better without dad? He's the only person that keeps you glued together, mom. Without him, you'd be dead by now," she spat out coldly. "God," she said, letting out a dry laugh. "Where _are_ you anyway? What are you even _doing_? Will you come back? Will I _ever_ see you again?"

Natalie waited after she let out the last of her angry words. They'd been stewing through her mind all weekend, and all day at school for the past two days. Once they were out, though, she didn't feel so good.

Her mother didn't respond. Natalie could hear her breathing on the other end, and her heart picked up speed. Did she say too much? She was _so_ angry, and finally talking to her mother seemed to be working. She felt a little bit better. And as much as she hated to admit it, she didn't want this to be the last time she spoke to her mother. _Hopefully she's not angry enough to hang up, _Natalie thought.

Finally, Diana began to speak again. Her voice was soft, not angry.

"I'm staying with your grandparents. My parents."

_Duh,_ Natalie thought. _Like Dad's parents ever want to see you again. They think the worst thing Dad ever did was marry you. _

"And, Natalie, I needed to do this. I know you're angry with me-"

"No _shit!"_

"And you have every right to be. If I were you, I don't think I could stand to be having this conversation. But please at least try to understand that I love you, and I love your father still. But a break for our family was the best thing for me, so I cold escape the memories. Maybe the best thing for you, too."

"A... break? As in..."

"As in I'm still your mother. I just don't live with you any more. But Natalie, I want to see you. Talk to you. I want to be a part of your life."

"Like you were for the past sixteen years?" Natalie snorted.

"Natalie.... I don't know if you can hear this now, but... I love you Natalie. And I always will."

"Ok," she said dryly, not quite sarcastically, but not accepting either.

The conversation came to a halt. Natalie didn't know whether to end it or not- they'd hit all the important points. She knew where her mother _was_, at least. Did she want to hang up?

There was a bit of fear that spasmed in her chest. True, her mother had said that she would talk to her again, but who could guarantee that? What if her mother just sort of fell off the map? Would this be the last time she talked to her?

"So how are you, Natalie? How have you been?"

_Since when do you give a shit what's going on in my life?_ she wanted to ask, but instead just said, "Fine."

"How was..." she knew her mom was wracking her brain to find something she remembered about Natalie's life. After a few seconds of silence, Natalie cringed. "That dance! How was your dance?"

"It's was good, mom-"

"Really? That's nice. I'm glad you had fun."

"Right."

"What did you do?"

"We danced," she replied sharply. "Ok, listen, mom. Are you going to call again?"

"Yes."

"You promise?" Natalie asked, trying not to let her worry bleed into her voice.

"Yes, Natalie. I promise. And..."

"Yes?"

"Tell your father I called. Tell him where I am, ok? But... ask him not to come see me."

_So now I have to do her bidding for her? _"Why should I?"

Diana sighed. "Well, I can't make you do anything, can I? But I just don't think it's the best thing for us now. I don't think all three of us should get together anytime soon. I'm just not ready."

_Like you ever knew what the best thing for us was, _she thought bitterly. "Whatever. I'll tell him, ok?"

"Thank you, sweetheart."

"So..."

"I'm glad you're doing well," Diana continued, and Natalie heard her transparent attempt at adding time to their conversation.

_At least she's trying,_ she thought, for once a bit pleased. "Yeah. I have a ton of homework tonight, though..."

"Oh, well, I should let you go then," she said, her voice dipping lower at the end. Natalie tried to harden her heart against it, but her mother's disappointment at the conclusion of their conversation actually made her feel some sympathy. Her mother didn't have many people to talk to. She was probably lonely.

_No, no,_ she thought to herself, but before she knew it, the guilt was pulling on her.

"Well, I can talk for a few more minutes," Natalie said, regretting the words as they came out of her mouth. Why should she talk to her? Shouldn't she never speak to this woman again?

"Oh!" she heard her mothers voice exclaim, brightening up significantly. "I don't want to keep you from anything..."

"No, it's ok. I don't have anything else to do tonight," she said. How could she deny her mother after she sounded, for once, so happy? But what could she talk about? What did she even _want_ to talk about? Thinking about piano just made her sick. She still wasn't able to get any real practicing in, after what she referred to as 'the jazz incident.' So piano was not a topic. And she wasn't exactly going to talk about her recent experiment with, er, exciting nightlife. So... "You want to hear about the dance?" she asked, hoping this would carry on their conversation a little longer.

"Yes," Diana said, sounding both genuine and interested. "Yes, I would."

* * *

That night over dinner, Natalie put down her fork and looked at her dad.

"Um, mom called today," she said, hoping to sound casual.

Her dad looked up in shock, his fork still halfway to his mouth. "_What?_ When?"

"Right after school," Natalie explained. "She's staying with her parents, and she wants you to know that she's ok. But that she doesn't want you to come see her yet."

Dan looked down. "Did she tell you why?"

"She said she wasn't ready to see either of us yet," Natalie said, shrugging her shoulders. "She sounded ok though. She actually listened when I talked to her."

"What did you say?" Dan asked warily.

"Nothing _too _bad. Once we started talking I, er... lightened up a little. We actually had a conversation. She asked about my life and stuff. I told her all about the dance."

"Well, she cares about you, Nat," he said, as though this was evident.

"Yeah, well, it wasn't always obvious," Natalie mumbled, picking up her fork and continuing to eat.

When she finished, she got up from the table and put her plate in the dishwasher. She was almost out the room when her father said something to her.

"So, she sounded good?" he asked, sounding both sad and like he was trying to hide his curiosity.

Natalie took a step forward and laid a hand on his shoulder. "Yeah. She sounded good."

"Did you talk to her for a long time?" he asked, again with the hidden curiosity.

"Well, like twenty minutes," Natalie answered.

Dan nodded. After a moment, he said, "You know, you never told _me_ about the dance."

At once she recognized that he was feeling left out. So. She finally has a good conversation with her mother and begins developing a relationship with her, and there you go- now the other parent wants in. Well, maybe this splitting up thing _was_ for the best.

"Er, well..." she began, sort of cringing. She repeated what she told her mother about the dance.

As she talked to her dad, and remembered her conversation with her mom, she thought about how her parents were separated now. There were plenty of parents who didn't live together. Henry's parents were divorced. It wasn't the _most_ normal thing around, but if this separation made it easier for her mom, then she could tolerate it. And maybe, if there were more days like this, she could start feeling sort of normal. Or at least not seriously abnormal.

Hell, anything was an improvement.

* * *

**I hope you guys liked it!**

**And I really hope I didn't make Natalie too friendly towards her mom... but I don't believe that she never spoke to her after she left until she went to college or something. In the musical, at the end, Natalie tells Henry that she's heard from her mother, so she obviously has talked to her and stuff. And seriously, her whole issue is about being loved, so when someone tries to love her, I can see her sort of opening up.**

**ANYWAY. Rant over. Lemme know how you liked it- please please please. I am desperate for some reviews because it's amazing to see the little alert email saying I have one.**

**PLEASE WRITE ONE! A nice long one. I don't care if it's mean.**

**And yes, I sound like I'm begging.**

**Please...**

**And this should have been at the beginning, but whatever: I don't own N2N, or Henry would be my husband by now, even though I'm 16. K. Byebye.**


	11. Sweet Dreams, Natalie

**So I know my last chapter talked about what happened at the dance (or rather, Natalie talked about what happened at the dance to her parents), but now I really want to write that chapter... so here it goes.**

**I know it's yet another chapter of Natalie/Henry fluff, but seriously: does ANYONE actually mind? Is anyone against this pairing? I think not. **

**Anyways... thanks for reading!**

**And I'm done with disclaimers, btdubs. Everyone knows I'm not Ton Kitt or Brian Yorkie by now, because I can hardly imagine Brian Yorkie sitting down and writing a story about how Henry proposed to Natalie with white cheddar popcorn...**

* * *

Henry held the door open for her, and followed her into the school. "I just can't believe you're _here,_" he said for what was probably the third time already, and they hadn't even gone into the dance yet. Still- she couldn't bear to make fun of how excited he was. Not after what he'd just said, about her possible insanity. HIs words kept running through her mind, and her stomach lurched just thinking about him. He'd said he loved her. Tonight was the first night that she actually believed him. All the memories from the past few months flooded her mind- the clubs, the drugs, meeting her parents, everything- and now she realized that what he'd said was true. He did love her.

She reached for his hand after he handed the chaperones the tickets and walked into the gym.

"Classy," Henry said dryly, eyeing the paper streamers and the colored flashing lights that attempted to make the gym look like something other than what it was.

"_I_ think it's nice," Natalie remarked, lacing an arm through Henry's.

He raised his eyebrows. "Well, well, well. Someone has come around," he said, smiling and grabbing both her hands, leading her towards the dancing.

"Maybe I have. Who knows?" she let out a laugh. "For now, everything seems ok."

"Hi, Natalie!"

She turned and saw a girl from her English class wave at her. She smiled back.

"You look really nice. I love your dress, it's so pretty," the girl said. Molly, her name was, Natalie remembered.

"Thanks," she said, slightly stunned. "Yours, too," she said out of reflex. When she actually did look at Molly's dress, it _was_ pretty. She just wasn't used to hearing other girls saying that she looked nice.

"I have to go meet my friend now, but it's nice to see you!"

"You, too," Natalie said with an idle wave.

She turned back to Henry with an expression of wonderment on her face.

"That was weird," she said, trying to sum up what she was feeling.

"No it wasn't. She said hello!"

"And that I looked nice," Natalie argued halfheartedly, trying to ignore how mask how good she was finally feeling.

"You _do_ look nice," Henry said, kissing her softly on the lips. "And don't be surprised when people actually like you- you're really not that scary," he said teasingly.

"You have to say that," she said, now really not wanting to argue. She just wanted to accept these compliments, but habits were habits.

"I have to say it because it's true. You're amazing, and I'm not the only one who sees that. People want to be your friend, Nat. If you let them," he said, giving her a look.

She blushed. She really hadn't let Henry be her friend lately, much less her boyfriend, even though he was really what she'd needed most. "I'm sorry for how I treated you. I was not a nice person," she said. She wanted to end the statement with "last week," or "for the past month," be she realized that for the duration of their relationship, she hadn't exactly been the best girlfriend.

"It's ok," Henry said. "You couldn't be nice to me until you started being nice to yourself. Which, I might add, is long overdue."

He leaned down and kissed her again, and this time she didn't let him pull away. As a song that she liked came on, the music blasting loudly throughout the gym, she led Henry further into the dance floor. They joined countless other couples doing what she'd always deemed completely cheesy, and began to slow dance. She'd never done it before, except once in middle school when this really awkward kid she didn't really know asked her to dance. They'd refused eye contact the whole time, and stayed about a foot and a half apart. When the dance was over, she felt the wet spots from his sweaty palms on her shirt. Gross.

With Henry it was different- but with Henry, _everything _was different. At first she felt like a loser, but then she just decided to forget everybody else and she leaned her head on Henry's shoulder, and he held her close to him. At the end of the song, they stayed put for a long time, even though a fast song that she hated had replaced the slow one. When she finally pulled away, she leaned up and kissed Henry one more time.

"Thanks," she said, meaning to whisper but having to yell over the din of the music.

"For what?" he said, really not knowing. How could he not know?

"For everything. For..." She realized then that how wonderful he'd been for the past few months wasn't a good deed. It wasn't him trying to be nice to her, or to help her out. That was just how he _was._ He was simply and purely _good. _"Thanks for being you."

"Thanks for being _you_, Nat," he said. "This year, even with everything that happened so far, has been so much better than any other, and it's because of you."

The words felt strange to her ears. Someone liked her just the way she was? She'd actually made someone's life better?

"That may have been the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me," she confessed.

"Aww, now I've turned you into a cheese-ball like _me!_" he said, smiling. "That's been my mission all along, you know."

She laughed, though she wasn't exactly sure if he was kidding.

"Now come on. Let's _dance!" _

She let him take her hand, and for once was not embarrassed when Henry started dancing. He was not exactly the smoothest dancer in the room, but she didn't care. She let go of all her self-consciousness, and for once began to have, sure, simple _fun._

* * *

"Oh my god!" Henry said, laughing hysterically. "I can't believe you actually did that!" he said, referring to how Natalie ordered both of their milkshakes and fries in perfect spanish, then turned around and asked the guy behind them in line for a nickel in french. She then accepted their orders in English.

"What?" she asked as they walked back to Henry's car. "Doubling up on languages lets you mess with people's minds!"

"That was great."

He started to drive her home, but then when they reached her street, she told him to pull over before they reached her house.

"What is it?"

She didn't answer at first. "I just don't want to go home yet."

He nodded. They sat quietly for a moment, Natalie wondering what disaster awaited her at home after one of the happiest nights of her life. Henry broke the silence with the slurping of his empty milkshake.

"Sorry!" he said, putting it down. She laughed.

"I forgive you."

"Hey. You're cool, you know that?" Henry said.

"Um... thanks."

"And who lives here, by the way?" he asked, jerking his head in the direction of the house they were pulled over in front of.

"Um... I don't know. Why?"

"Well, I was just picturing some old lady getting scared out of her wits by some randy, reckless teenagers idling outside her house."

"Oh," Natalie said, laughing again. "Yeah I guess we do look kinda sketchy."

"Not that a station wagon is exactly the sketchiest car around..." Henry said, and Natalie laughed. "Except I think I'm pretty cool, you know. Drivin' my mom's old car. I have the hottest ride in town."

"Duck!" Natalie shrieked, and he obeyed without thinking.

While they hid their heads under the dashboard, Henry whispered. "_Why are we ducking?"_

"Oh." She sat up. "I guess we don't have to... I just saw a car coming and I thought for some reason that we had to hide... I thought we were trespassing for a minute or something."

"Oh." Henry answered, and then laughed. "What the hell?"

"I don't know!" she said, swatting him on the arm. She leaned back, and sighed. "I guess it's time for me to go home, isn't it?"

"I don't want you too," he said.

"Me neither. But..."

"Yeah, I know."

After another moment of silence, Henry started the car again.

"Bye, Mrs. Natalie's Neighbor. I hope we didn't scare you too much!" he called after the house as they moved on towards Natalie's.

It was dark when he pulled into the driveway. It looked almost like no one was home, but she figured everyone had just gone to bed. _Here we go,_ she thought, looking at the simple, innocent looking house. _Back to real life._

She undid her seat belt, but Henry stopped her from opening the door. He reached for her hand, and ever so slowly drew in closer, until she closed her eyes and felt their lips meet. She wrapped her arms around him, and held him tightly to her, thinking that maybe if they extended this part of their night, then going home wouldn't seem so bad. If she had this to take with her, the rest of it would be bearable. When they broke apart, Henry whispered that he loved her.

Did she love him back? She wanted to say she did. She _felt_ that she did. But saying it right back to him felt forced. Fake. She couldn't bring herself to say it, even though for the first time, she thought that it could be true. Luckily Henry just kissed her again, and then got out of the car, interrupting her worrying process. _Pressure off,_ she thought.

She got out of the car then, and he walked her to her door.

"I had a really, _really_ good time," she said honestly.

"Me too!" Henry said, always enthusiastic. "I'm just so glad you _came!" _with that he put his arms around her, but he didn't kiss her again. He gave her a bear hug, lifting her off her feet in his excitement.

"I am, too. I'm glad I didn't miss this."

"So," he said. "Will you call me tomorrow or something?"

She smiled. "Sure. And I'll see you Monday."

Whatever happened at home, she had that to look forward to, at least.

* * *

But she didn't wait until Sunday to call Henry. A half hour after she got home, as she sat on her bed in tears, her dress folded over a chair and her shoes scattered on the floor, she reached for her phone and called him.

On the third ring, he picked up. "Hey," he said, his voice soft so as not to wake his mother. "What's up?"

"Henry," she said, trying not to sob. She covered her mouth with a hand, and tried to catch her breath as her nose ran and her tears rendered her vision useless. "Henry..."

"What is it?" he asked, worried now. Tears were obvious in her voice, she knew. Her throat was constricted and she croaked out the next words.

"She's gone."

"Gone?" he asked in a small voice, not needing to ask who it was.

"She left. Without even saying goodbye."

She couldn't contain her sobs anymore, and just hugged the pillow from her bed.

"Natalie... I'm so, so sorry. Do you need anything? What do you want me to do? I can come over, if you want- we can go somewhere. Take a walk or something-"

_It's two in the morning. You'd really come to my house now?_ she wanted to ask, touched, but didn't.

"No, no. I want to stay here... just stay on the phone with me," she said. "Just... talk."

"Ok. No problem, Nat. I love you."

"I love you, too," she said, and then sat up. Did she really just say that? It was so... natural. So easy.

Henry didn't answer for a second. When he did, his voice sounded happier than she'd ever heard it. Happier than when she'd agreed to go out with him the first time. "Thanks, Natalie. You know, everything's going to be ok. I _know _it will."

She had no idea if he was right or not, but for the time being, chose to believe him.

For the next two and a half hours, he told her that over and over again: it's going to be ok. She was going to be fine. He loved her. Finally, at four thirty, neither of them were speaking much. Her eyes ached from spilling out tears, and she needed sleep more than anything.

"Henry?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm going to bed now."

"Ok," he answered, a touch of relief in his voice. "Are you feeling... better?"

She gave a small smile. "Yeah. Yeah, I am. Thanks."

"Anytime."

"Goodnight."

"Sweet dreams, Natalie."


	12. Bad Dress Rehearsal, Good Show

**Hey guys. I know I already wrote another story about their wedding, but this has been turning around in my head and I wanted to put it down into words.**

**Hopefully you like it! If you do, then... you know. Lemme know. Or if you don't like it. Review it anyway! :)**

* * *

"Why do we have to have a rehearsal again?" Natalie wondered aloud in the car on the way to the church with Henry, her dad, and his mother and stepdad. With the wedding party already all arrived, they'd organized a carpooling system, which made everyone stressed out. Henry and Natalie were smashed in the backseat of the car with Richard, Henry's stepdad, and Irene, Henry's mother, riding with Dan in the front.

"Yeah it's not like we're going to forget what to say," Henry agreed.

"It isn't about what you _say,_" Dan explained. "It's more for everyone else who's in the wedding, so _they_ don't forget anything."

"It's very important," Henry's mother said. "It's a crucial part of the process."

"Hey, Natalie, don't interrupt the process," Henry said, stony-faced.

"But they've all been in weddings before," she protested.

"Nat," Dan said, "it's just something you have to do. You should be the most insistent, anyway- you're the one getting married tomorrow."

"Hey, I am to!" Henry piped up. "But seriously Nat. It's time to get into character. You have to start yelling at people and crying and being really grumpy. You haven't freaked out about the menu _once _yet, or even had a fit about the bridesmaid dresses. I'm not sure you even know we're getting married-"

"Hey. I've got this under control," she explained. "I mean, what's the point of freaking out?"

"Because that's what you're supposed to do. You're the bride."

"Henry, don't generalize," Irene corrected from the front seat. He raised his eyebrows at Natalie, and she stifled a laugh. He was constantly griping on about his conservative, traditional mother. Though Natalie liked Henry's mom- after all, she called once a week and at least acted like a mother to her son- she had to admit he was right. She was sort of straight-laced. Irene was already in a bad mood because Diana hadn't gotten to the hotel until that morning, and had delayed leaving for the rehearsal on account of 'misplacing' her dress for the evening. The two mothers weren't quite on par with each other.

She couldn't tell anyone that the reason she didn't want a rehearsal was that this was just one more opportunity for something to go wrong. For the last few weeks, everything had been going so well. And all day, her mother had interacted very well with everyone else. But what if she was granted one opportunity for everything to go right? What if there weren't any problems at the rehearsal, and then the wedding went completely awry? Why waste the good luck on the _rehearsal_? So yeah, she knew it was necessary, but that didn't mean she wanted one. She just crossed her fingers that nothing would happen the next day.

* * *

As it turned out, the rehearsal went off without a hitch., just a little bit of nerves from Henry's three-year-old niece, who didn't want to walk down the aisle all by herself. They decided they'd have Henry's sister- one of Natalie's bridesmaids- walk with her. Other than that, no issues. And, to Natalie, that was _not _an issue. On the way back to the cars so everyone could go to the restaurant, Henry reached for her hand.

"Hey- that wasn't so bad, was it?" he asked.

"No. It's tolerable," Nat replied. "But I'm more worried about tomorrow."

"Don't worry," he said flippantly.

"How _can't_ I worry? You've met my family," she said, rolling her eyes. "You should know. They're..."

"Crazy?" he asked, smiling.

"Yeah. Crazy."

"Your family is only as crazy as mine. It'll all work out, ok?"

She shurgged her shoulders, and while she pouted he leaned down and kissed her.

"Come on, we gotta go to our rehearsal dinner now."

They all piled back into the car, and after another fifteen minute ride, were at the restaurant. Smaller tables set for nine were set out for the wedding party and the guests to the rehearsal dinner. Nat sat with Henry, her dad, her grandparents, Henry's dad, and his sister, brother-in-law, and their daughter. To Nat's horror, she realized her mother was seated right next to Henry's mother at another table. Henry's straight-laced, conservative, suburban, linen-and-polo-shirts mother, seated right next to her incredibly _not _straight laced mother figure.

"Henry," she said, tugging on his sleeve. "There is no way this can happen..."

"Don't _worry, _Nat, everyone's on their best behavior."

"Can't we switch? Can my dad sit there instead of my mom?"

"Nat- my dad really likes your dad. Let them talk. It'll be fine, ok?" he said, giving her a reassuring smile. She smiled back, acting like it didn't matter, but kept stealing glances towards their mothers.

"Nat- calm down. Plus Richard's cool. He'll keep my mom in check."

"It's not _your _mom I'm worried about, Henry..."

"Just relax, ok? This is about you and me. Not our parents and _their_ issues. If you want issues, put my dad next to my mom. Then you'll hear some fighting," he said, but she just ignored him, watching her mother's every move.

For most of the evening, everything turned out fine. Her best friend from college- and also her maid of honor- made a cheesy PowerPoint with pictures of her and Henry. The pictures started with separated ones from when they were babies, but converged somewhere in the middle with all their high school photos. Natalie was glad that she'd kept in the picture with her flipping off the camera.

When the photos reached high school, their was an awkward picture of her on her first day of freshman year, followed by an equally awkward one of Henry. Her favorite from high school, though, was a picture that she'd never seen before. It was her and Henry sitting at her piano in her living room, their backs to the piano, both playing some four-handed duet.

"Your dad must have taken that sometime without telling us," Henry said. They saw a slew of high school photos, including senior prom (Natalie cringed at the extremely uncomfortable corsage-pinning picture), and graduation, followed by some pictures from college. Then came the "twin pictures" as they called them. Nat liked them so much that she had copies sitting in a joint frame on the mantle in their apartment, and had brought them to grad school with her. Taken three days apart at each other's college graduations, one with Henry kissing Natalie on the cheek while she was wearing her cap and gown, and then it's exact opposite.

Henry's friend stood up and began to make some speech, but her attention was diverted by the action going on at the table next to theirs. Her mother was muttering something to Henry's mother- Natalie couldn't hear what it was. She heard Henry's mom loud _shh,_ though. But Diana kept trying to talk to Irene.

_What does she want? _Nat wondered.

She just shook it off and looked back up as Henry's best man talked about how close she and Henry were. She couldn't concentrate as she kept hearing the distracting mutters from the table next to her. She caught her dad's eye, who sighed, shrugging his shoulders.

"It's ok, Nat," he said.

But what happened next wasn't.

Natalie looked back over at her mother, who was excusing herself and standing up from the table. She caught her foot on the leg of the chair and stumbled, reaching her hands out to steady herself. In the process, she knocked the glass of red wine right into Henry's mother's lap, ruining her mint green silk skirt.

Natalie closed her eyes and buried her face in her hands. _Why does something always have to go wrong?_

"I'm so sorry!" she heard her mother say. Her voice dropped below audibility, but Nat hear the tone: her mother was trying to crack a joke, make light of the situation. As always.

"Please, Diana-" Irene said curtly.

"I'm sorry, here- let me help-"

"_No _thank you, I'm _fine,"_ Irene said, dabbing her napkin in her water glass. Natalie exchanged a glance with Henry.

"She'll survive, Nat," he said.

"Are you sure?" Diana asked Irene. "I can get something to help-"

"I said I was _fine. _Please stop trying to '_help' _me!" Her voice rose in volume.

"Don't yell at me!" Diana said, panic touching her voice. By now other tables had gone quiet, and Nat, Dan, and Henry were looking around at each other, unsure of what to do. "I'm only trying to help!" Diana pleaded.

"I wouldn't _need _help if you could... if you could _control_ yourself!" Irene shrieked.

"Jesus," Henry said under his breath.

Diana pulled herself up with dignity, gave her a curt nod, and left the room. Almost immediately, Natalie stood up.

"I'm so sorry," she said, echoing her mother's words.

Irene said nothing.

"Here, let me get you something-"

"No, thank you," she said sternly.

"Irene, don't be like this," Richard, Henry's step-dad, murmured.

"Stop it Richard. I mean, the woman comes late, making us all wait up for her, then interrupts the dinner- it's so very rude. Don't these people know how to act in public?"

"Irene," he said. "'These people'? Don't be ridiculous."

"Please, I'm so sorry," Natalie said, near tears.

"Don't be," Henry said, coming up behind her. "You didn't do anything."

"Natalie," Irene said, exasperated. "Please just tell your mother that, next time she goes to an event, she shouldn't talk through someone else's speech, and that she should be more careful where she puts her hands, for God's sake-"

"Mom!"

"Henry, I'm talking to Natalie now," she said. "I'm sure, Natalie dear, that you would never behave like this, but in case you've never had the example, please know that how your mother has been acting through this entire weekend has been incredibly rude. Hopefully this won't happen tomorrow- does she do this a lot? I heard that sometimes she can act this way, but I've never spent exactly a long time with the woman-"

She continued on with her insensitive statements, but Natalie, in tears, had turned and followed her mother straight out of the room.

"Are you happy now, mom?" Henry said angrily. "You made her cry_._ Jesus Christ... You know, this isn't about _you,_ mom."

"Henry, _please,_" she said brusquely. "She was very rude-"

"And how is that Natalie's fault?" Henry said. "Even if her mother _was _rude, why did you have to take it out on Nat? Or make such a big deal about it? God- what you just said was much worse than anything Nat's mom did tonight. Do you know how nervous Natalie's been for weeks, trying to make things ok for you and the rest of our family?"

This time, Irene said nothing.

"Exactly. Now I'm going out to talk to Natalie, who didn't deserve to deal with your elitist crap tonight, mom." With that, he turned and left.

The lobby of the restaurant was empty, save the receptionist.

"Did anyone come by here in the past few minutes?" he asked.

"A few minutes ago a middle-aged woman came by and went into the powder room."

"No, not her... A young woman? Brown hair?"

"She left," the receptionist said, pointing towards the door. Henry raised his eyebrows. Where could she have gone?

He opened the door to the restaurant, and saw Natalie seated on the bench outside, her arms wrapped around herself looking out at the cars passing by on the street.

"Hey. Come inside, it's cold out here," he said. She looked up, shook her head, then looked away again. He took a seat next to her on the bench.

"You," he said, kissing the side of her face when she wouldn't look at him.

"Why does this always happen to me?" she asked. "What did I ever do to deserve such a fucked up family?"

"Nat," he said, sighing. "Do you really think all family's aren't fucked up? And in this case, my mom is so much more fucked up than yours."

Natalie nodded. "I didn't want to say it first, but you're right."

"That is what I dealt with all my life. And my dad, too, until he left. She was either blissfully ignorant about me, or nitpicking about everything... why do you think she and my dad are divorced?"

Natalie let out a dry laugh.

"I think she feels bad though. She has a heart, you know."

"I know she does. Her heart just doesn't gel with my mom's. Henry?"

"Yeah?"

"After tomorrow, can we move somewhere totally random, and never leave? Never deal with families again, and just live in a little house somewhere far, far away?"

He put his arm around her. "If neither of us had a job, then I'd say yes."

She groaned, but then sat up a little straighter. "I've been so stressed out. I was actually thinking a minute ago that now everything was ruined... but it's all ok, isn't it?"

"Yeah," Henry said. "It's ok."

They stood up and made their way back into the restaurant. Before they entered the room where all their guests were, Natalie stopped.

"How big of a fool did I make of myself, running out of the room like that?" she asked.

"Well, anyone who actually saw you leave probably also saw how bitchy my mother was being, so..."

"Hey Nat!"

Natalie looked up and saw her father coming towards them through the open door to the room they were using in the restaurant. "I was looking for you. I want to let you know that everything's ok."

"What happened back there after I left?" Nat asked dreadfully.

"I apologized to Irene for your mother, and Richard was talking to her, and she feels really bad, Nat."

_Good, _she thought, and Henry nodded at Dan, approving of what he said. Natalie didn't fight the feeling of déjà vous- mom messing up, hurting her feelings, her dad picking up the pieces, trying to appease everyone...

"I talked to mom, Nat, and she also feels horrible. But they're all back inside, and I think Irene wants to apologize."

Natalie nodded, but still looked nervous. _Will everyone be waiting for me to come back inside?_ she wondered, but took a deep breath. _After such a dramatic exit, you need a dramatic entrance,_ she told herself.

"Is my face red?" she asked Henry.

"You look fine. No blotching or anything."

"Good... OK. I can do this."

She and Henry followed her dad back into the room, where people either stared a little, looked away purposely, or didn't seem to notice her entrance at all. _This isn't _too _bad. _As they approached Henry's mother's table, Nat's heart picked up speed, but she kept walking forward.

"Natalie," Irene said, standing up. She looked embarrassed. Whether that was from the large red stain on her skirt or her behavior, Natalie didn't know. "I'm so very sorry. I never should have said those things to you."

Natalie just nodded.

"That wasn't your fault, and I took it out on you... I'm so sorry. You have my full permission to turn into- what do they call it? oh, right- a 'bridezilla' for ruining your rehearsal dinner." She sounded sincere.

Natalie gave a weak smile. "Thanks. I accept your apology... but you didn't ruin my rehearsal dinner. I've always been able to handle a little mishap here and there. I'm kind of used to it by now."

* * *

Back at the hotel, Natalie finished saying goodnight to everyone and began walking towards the elevators. Everything felt sort of surreal- it was hard to believe that it was her last night as a single woman. That she was getting married the next day.

"Natalie!" she heard, and turned. Her mother was walking towards her at a fast clip, obviously trying to catch up.

"Hey, mom," she said. Her mom started shaking her head.

"I'm so sorry, Nat- I just can't do anything right- I never got a chance to tell you before. I'm so damn_ clumsy-"_

_"_Hey, mom," Nat said, holding up a hand. "Don't worry about it. At all."

"You're not angry with me?" Diana asked skeptically.

"For once," Natalie said, laughing. "No. What happened tonight was completely random. It could have happened to anyone. And it wasn't a big deal at all. Henry's mom can just sometimes be a little high-strung."

"More like she has a stick up her ass," Diana muttered. Natalie raised an eyebrow warningly. "Sorry."

"I'm going to bed now, but just know I'm not mad at you. Something had to go wrong once, huh? It's a wedding. I don't think one has ever gone perfectly."

"I'm glad I got to be the one who messed it up," Diana said dryly. "But really honey. I know I haven't been the greatest mom in history- or even a _good_ mom- but I really do love you, and I want you to be happy."

"I am happy, mom," Natalie said honestly. "And I love you, too."

Her mother cracked one of the most sincere smiles Natalie had seen from her recently, and drew her daughter into a hug. "I can't believe you're getting _married!"_ she squealed.

_And I can't believe you're here, _Natalie thought. Things really had turned out well. In high school, if someone had asked Nat if she would invite her mom to her wedding, she probably would have said no. Or would have assumed that her mother wouldn't be around by then anyway. But here she was.

"Thanks for being here, mom. It... really means a lot."

"I wouldn't miss it," Diana said. "After all- you're the only one I've got. I can't miss the only wedding where I get to be mother of the bride!"

_You're the only one I've got, _Natalie heard over and over. She smiled. Maybe things were getting better with her mom.

Wait...

"Mom... just curious. What does your dress look like for tomorrow?" she asked, suspicious.

"Oh it's just _great, _Natalie. You'll _love _it!"

_Oh, no_.

Maybe Henry was right, and she had been too lax in her wedding plans...

"Mom..." Nat said, pressing the 'up' button on the elevator.

"Well, it's red-"

"Mom..."

"And it's cut to _here, _with some ruches here and there-"

"Goodnight, mom," Natalie said, and stepped into the elevator. So there would be some surprises tomorrow. Some things never change.

* * *

In her hotel room, she switched on her laptop and changed into her pajamas while it booted up. She logged onto facebook, and changed her status. "Getting married tomorrow!"

Three seconds later, an alert popped up. "Henry Carter likes this."

She smiled, then checked his page. From five minutes before, it said, "Whoa..... getting married tomorrow?! Sweet!"

She 'liked' it.

A message popped up.

HENRY: Hey. I know we're not supposed to be talking now- is this allowed?

NATALIE: Who cares? No one will find out.

HENRY: Are you ok???

NATALIE: If you ask me that again I may not show up tomorrow.

HENRY: !!!!!!

NATALIE: Kidding! I'll be there.

HENRY: :-)

NATALIE: ;-)

HENRY: OH WAIT- you have to hear what my mom said right after you went upstairs.

NATALIE: .....

HENRY: It's good I promise.

NATALIE: K. What?

HENRY: I never knew she was this oblivious. But she actually asked me if I needed to talk to my dad about any of the, uh, 'mechanics' for tomorrow night.

NATALIE: !!! NO WAY. SHE DIDN'T SAY THAT!

HENRY: She DID! It was amazing. I told her that I sort of knew most of the details already.

NATALIE: _Sort_ of... lol.

HENRY: But it was also totally awkward cause your dad was there and he winked at me. It was really weird.

NATALIE: Eeew I'm sorry.

HENRY: But that's not all she said... she also gave me a lecture about marriage (I'll spare you- I know you probably got one too) and then told me not to 'be alarmed' when I found tampons under the sink. 'They're perfectly normal.'

NATALIE: What did you say back???

HENRY: I told her that by now I sort of know you're a girl.

NATALIE: Good response. But doesn't she know that we live together???

HENRY: She chooses to forget.

NATALIE: Right...

NATALIE: Oh crap. It's already like almost midnight. Holy shit... I have to go to bed so I don't look scary tomorrow.

HENRY: As opposed to...?

HENRY: JUST KIDDING YOU'RE NOT SCARY AT ALL YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL AND I LOVE YOU!!!!

HENRY: 33333

NATALIE: LOL.

HENRY: Go get your rest. :) I miss you already...

NATALIE: Me too... :(

HENRY: :(

NATALIE: See you tomorrow. At our wedding. AHH THIS IS SO WEIRD.

HENRY: I KNOW! I can't believe this is finally happening! I've wanted to marry you since like seventh grade!

NATALIE: ....

HENRY: To varying degrees than I do now... I was still kind of immature then. Back in seventh grade, I don't think I could have handled the tampons under the sink thing.

NATALIE: Aw. I love you. Goodnight.

HENRY: Goodnight! Sleep tight!

Nat signed off and climbed into bed, feeling weirder than she'd ever felt before. Thinking back about growing up in her house, she remembered all the unhappy times. Her relationship with her family was better now, but she attributed that largely to the fact that she didn't live with them. But after tomorrow, Henry would be her family. Her 'immediate family,' as people said. It felt bizarre to be switching over like that, but she couldn't say she minded.

As she turned out her light, she hoped to God that everything went ok the next day. But hey- she remembered something her piano teacher once told her. "Bad dress rehearsal, good show."

She turned over and tried to fall asleep, knowing that whatever happened the next day, she could get through it.

* * *

**PS. Sorry that this chapter is so god-awfully long. I hope you're not bored by it, or think it's stupid or disjointed... ahh. **

**Anyways, the perfect place for you to tell me that, is... well, you know. :)**


	13. The Day We Met

She always came to class right before it began. With seconds to spare- not ever late, but definitely not early. She just beat the professor walking through the door, and would take her seat as the door closed. Dan watched her arrive this way Tuesday and Thursday at ten. He watched her during class, too- the way she'd take notes anxiously and exactly, obviously hanging onto everything their professor said. He personally hated the class- it was a study of mathematics and how it evolved through the years- but _she_ obviously didn't. She sat attentively, and when he thought of her, the words "smart as a whip" came to mind. Her eyes burned slightly- not angrily, but with a kind of passion he'd never seen before. It was intoxicating.

He didn't know her name. He scarcely knew her voice- she almost never asked questions, just listened. She muttered things to the guy sitting next to her- commentating on the class, it looked like. Dan wished he was next to her.

One Thursday in November, he woke with a horrible headache. When he stood, the room spun and he saw stars. _Shit,_ he thought. _There's no way I can go to class today._

He idly thought about the two hours of staring at the girl he would lose because he would be missing class, but he sat back down on his bed. Rolling over, he groaned in discomfort. He wouldn't see her till the next Tuesday. A whole week since he'd seen her last.

* * *

By Tuesday, he was feeling better. Fit and ready to go to class. Imagining what he'd missed from that awful class, he walked to the building. He didn't have any friends in the class and he needed the notes.

After class was over, it became apparent that he needed the notes- one day missed and he was already lost. After the professor dismissed everyone, the girl dashed out of the classroom as per usual.

Dan didn't let himself think about it, or he'd get too scared. He just ran right out after her.

"Hey!" he called. "Hey!" He wished he knew her name.

He finally caught up to her, and she turned to look at him. When she locked eyes with him, her gaze was sharp and cutting, but not cruel. More like it didn't miss much.

"Hi...?" she said briskly, raising en eyebrow. It took a moment before he realized what she wanted.

"Oh. Hi! I'm Dan. Dan Goodman," he reached out a hand, and she shook it. He tried not to look down and stare at their entwined hands. Instead he held her gaze a second longer than was necessary before continuing. "So I wasn't in class last Thursday, and I don't really know anyone in it. I was wondering if maybe I could see your notes?"

She bit her lip. "I have to run to a class right now- it starts in twenty minutes- and I don't like to lend my notes out to people..."

Dan looked at the ground. "Oh, sorry. Yeah. Well, ok... No problem. I'll just go ask someone else..."

"No, wait! It's ok. I can meet you to go over them tonight if you want."

Dan's spirits immediately went from dreary to sunnier than a perfect July day. "Great! Perfect! Where?"

"There's that burger place in the student center..."

"Sure. I'll be there. Is eight ok?"

"It's fine. See you then," she said.

"Wait- sorry, but, um, what's your name?"

She smiled. "I'm Diana."

_Diana,_ he thought, but she'd turned and started walking briskly away to her next destination. With her, she took a piece of him, and he knew he'd never get it back.

* * *

He sat at the table with his hands on his knees, checking his watch over and over. True, it was only eight o'clock now, but he'd been there for ten minutes already-

There she was.

He stood up, and waved so she knew where he was sitting. She nodded and sort of rushed over to him- well, she sort of rushed _everywhere._ She was like a whirlwind, affecting everything she passed.

"Hi," she said. "So I've got my notes here," she started before she sat down, words pouring out of her mouth as she took her coat off. Dan let one slip out a couple times, and soon became more and more comfortable. He copied her notes, but only could concentrate on the fresh smell of her hair mixed with her perfume as she leaned in to explain the lesson. His writing hand shook a little, making his notes sloppier than usual. He hoped she didn't notice.

But as time went on, they never ran out of anything to say. They talked about the notes, yes, but then they moved to discussing the class. She loved it, he hated it- he'd been right about that. Then they moved on to majors- they were both studying architecture. He was a senior, she was a junior but graduating a semester early. Why? She didn't want to be tied to her parents for any longer than she had to. That sparked a whole other discussion. He bought her a beer, and nursed one himself. They sat at that table for three hours.

* * *

He'd never met anyone like Diana before. She was the perfect counter to his reserved nature- she was _not_ reserved. She said whatever was on her mind and didn't care what others thought. Their attraction was undeniable- they fought to keep their hands off each other during the day, and every day after classes, would run to one of their dorms, lock the door, and rip their clothes off.

She was a force of nature. He was quiet and smart, someone who liked to make people happy. But yet, he thought they were perfect for each other. He loved her, and told her so as much as he could. He'd never been in love before, but now that he was, he felt like a stereotype. He wanted to shout it off the tops of buildings, tell anyone who would listen. That was one thing she kept quiet- she really liked him, but she never said she loved him.

Still, they spent every moment they could together. For four months, they were inseparable. They would meet up in the short breaks between classes to exchange a kiss and a few words. In the longer breaks, there'd be more kissing, less words.

Everything seemed perfect- he'd never been happier. For weeks, he thought of nothing but Diana. She fascinated him, and he had a faint obsession with her. Anything she did was wonderful, amazing, breathtaking... She was wild, and had no misgivings. Sometimes, her love of risk scared him a little, but she was invigorating and feared nothing.

* * *

One day, he was studying in his dorm when there was a knock at the door. He opened it, and there stood Di.

"Hey!" he said, slipping his arms around her waist and kissing her, pulling her into the room and shutting the door.

"No, not now," she said, sounding cold.

"What's wrong?"

She didn't answer. She looked away.

"I'm pregnant," she said after a minute, still not looking at him.

He had nothing to say at first. He didn't even know what it meant. But then he knew- would they finish school? He could- he had only a month or so left- but Di had a whole semester left... she couldn't stay. What would they do? Well, they'd find work somewhere, and make this ok. They could do it.

"I can't see you anymore," she continued. His heart skipped a beat.

"_What?_ Are you joking?" he exclaimed, astonished.

She looked at him for the first time, fire in her eyes. He'd seen it before, but now she was angry. She'd never been angry with him before.

"This can't be _happening,_ Dan. And I'm not going to be the stupid girl who got knocked up by her boyfriend in college, and then ran off to marry him. I'm just _not,_ because everyone knows how those stories end," she said, looking at him coldly.

"I'm not leaving you," Dan said softly.

"How would I know that now?" she challenged. "I know what happens- you're all gung-ho for awhile, but soon it becomes too much, and I'm left here alone. I might as well get a head start."

With that, she left his dorm, shutting the door behind her.

He shook his head. There was no way he was going to let this end this way.

"Di! Diana!" he called, but she didn't turn back.

* * *

Every day, she brushed past him when she went to her classes and ran out of them quickly when they were over. She wouldn't let him get one word in when he tried. Finally, after a week of this, he ran after her, reaching for the strap of her pruse.

"Get _off,_" she cried, shaking him away. "I told you before. Leave me _alone-_"

"You can't do this, Diana," he said angrily. Why did she think she was the only person calling the shots in this relationship? "It's my kid, too, you know. I'm still the father."

She didn't answer.

"I'm not going to leave you, Diana. I love you, and I love this baby. I think we can do it. I know you're not ready for us to be over."

He said he 'knew,' but really, he'd only hoped she felt the same way she did.

Diana let out a sigh, looking up at him. "Look. I don't want to end up like all the other girls, ok? But I'll give you a chance. I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow at ten. You can come, if you want. Meet me at my dorm at nine thirty."

He smiled hugely, grabbing her hands and kissing them. "Thank you. I won't disappoint you."

She didn't say anything, she just walked away.

He knew he had one chance- with Diana, one chance was one chance. He wouldn't get a second one. He buried his resentful feelings about her treatment of him, and walked back to his dorm. Little by little, he'd prove that he wouldn't leave. He'd be there for her no matter what. Forever.

* * *

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	14. Vices

When she was out late at night dancing, she felt like she was soaring above everything. She felt life pumping through her veins- not just blood, but some other energy flowing through her body, propelling her forward. Maybe it had something to do with the tiny colorful beads she popped into her mouth before she went out, and maybe it had to do with the flashing lights and thumping music. The crowd around her jumped and danced to the beat of the music, and she was in the middle of it all, anonymous...

"Natalie!"

OK, well maybe not quite anonymous. Henry was still here, trailing along behind her like a puppy. He said he wanted to make sure she got through the night ok, but it seemed more like he couldn't do anything alone.

"What?" she yelled over the music, not hearing her own voice. Henry pulled her close to he could speak into her ear.

"It's like one in the morning- can we _please_ go home now?"

She didn't answer, just turned around and tried to block reality out of her mind. School, her parents, life- she didn't want to worry about that. She just wanted to put this horrible pain behind her and feel alive, feel in control.

"Natalie!" Henry called again.

So he wouldn't stop- what could she do to make him stop? Unthinkingly, she turned around and covered his mouth with hers, kissing him more passionately then she'd ever done before. She didn't think about him, or her, she just thought of a distraction. Kissing him, he didn't have to be 'Henry,' her piano playing boyfriend who liked to smoke pot and listen to jazz music. He didn't have to be the same guy who thought it was totally fine to meet her crazy parents. He was just a boy, and as they kissed, she forgot that all he ever did was try to bring her back home, back to things she didn't want to see. She just held him tighter to her, and was glad when he held her right back, their bodies pressed too close, yet never close enough. She wound her hands through his hair, drawing him in even more, pleased when he put a hand behind her neck, drawing her closer yet. His other hand drifted down her back, and she just _felt..._there was no thinking, only the sensations brought by his hands on her body, the heat she felt against her skin and through her clothes. She brought her hands down his chest and further, across his stomach and down. Despite being surrounded by people, this anonymous attitude made her feel invisible, but finally in a good way. No one at the club noticed what they were doing, or cared. She found his hands and brought them up to her breasts, pleased when she felt his hands feeling her curves. Smiling against his kiss, she bit his lip playfully, then trailed her hand down until she reached the waistband of his jeans, pulling him closer by his belt loops, reaching her hand beneath his waistband, feeling his skin there. His hands drifted from her chest to her arms, and they closed around her elbows. Unsure of what he was doing, she tried to free herself from his grip, confused when he didn't let go. Suddenly, he was pushing her away, breaking their embrace and their kiss. He put his hands on her shoulders and held her about a foot away from him, looking at her with a mixture of disgust and shock.

"What are you _doing?_" he said, wiping his mouth. He reached forward and straightened the straps of her tank top. She pushed his hands away, mortified and sickened with rejection, humiliated by his protective gesture.

"What are _you_ doing?" she asked, hedging as tear sprang up in her eyes. "Don't you want to touch me?"

"Not like this," he said, a hint of disgust in his voice as he gestured to her. "I'm sorry I let that go on that long. I don't want _this_ you, Natalie. Where did you _go?_"

She knew he was right- she'd never been licentious or slutty, always hating the girls at school who wore too little clothing and used sex as a solution to their problems. And yet here she was, trying to ruin what she had with the one person that cared. Breaking down, she leaned into him, longing again for closeness, but this time she _wanted _his protection, wanted him to take her home. He hesitated before putting his arms around her- after all, was she just trying to seduce him again? But when he felt her crying against his shoulder, she felt him sigh and he resigned, holding her against him.

The sigh scared her. Was he getting tired of this? Was he going to leave?

When she wanted to party, she didn't want him around. He ruined the fun. But the thought of doing this without him... she couldn't imagine going through this pain without someone to lean on.

She couldn't look him in the eye, she was so embarrassed. And she still felt rejected, even though she knew the rejection was for the best. After all, would she ever have respected him again if he'd given in to what she'd suggested? If he'd kept touching her? If they finished what she'd started?

No. She would not have. And she would not forgive herself either.

"Let's go home," he said softly.

"I left my key. I can't get in," she realized.

"Crash at my place," he said, leading her towards the door after picking up their coats to fight against the cool January air. They got into his car, and he added, "There's a couch in my room."

She nodded, her head throbbing and her ears ringing. The silence felt like cotton stuffed in her ears after the cacophony of the music, and her head ached as though someone had split it in two. But she knew that wasn't from the music. Her eyesight was spinning, too, and she took her face in her hands, trying to get a handle on herself. What had she turned into? A drugged-up slut who hung out at clubs? What if Henry did break up with her? He had every right to- she wasn't exactly being a good girlfriend. All she ever did was drag him along as he watched her get wasted, and then he'd drive her home. Cover for her at school when people asked suspicious questions. What did she do for _him? _That was a question she couldn't answer, not just yet. Because even though she knew she gave nothing back, she wasn't ready to change. She had nothing to give. But if Henry did break up with her, would she stop going to the clubs? Or would she continue? What would she do then?

Back at Henry's house, they snuck into his room, and after she removed her shoes, Henry guided her into his bed. She felt awful- sick with shame and dizzy from coming down from her high. As she lay there, she wondered what was going to become of the two of them. She couldn't have him continue to watch this. It was embarrassing and terrifying. Though she needed nothing more than him, she couldn't let him continue to be with her. Not if this was all he ever saw of her. _Better to fall from grace alone than to take someone with you,_ she thought. Before she fell asleep, she vowed to stop dragging him to clubs with her. To do that, though, she'd have to disconnect everything. He couldn't practice piano with her in the mornings, or talk to her at school. They had to be over.

It wasn't what she wanted, but ending it herself would surely hurt less than if he broke up with her himself. And she couldn't take the shame.

Henry shook his head in disbelief, watching as she fell asleep in a matter of seconds. As he threw a blanket over himself on the couch, he looked at Natalie, laying on his bed, looking pale and unhealthy. He remembered her behavior from that night, and all the nights for the past few weeks. No matter how it sickened him to watch her do this, he knew he'd never leave her, simply for fear of what she'd do if she went out alone. Sadly, he marveled at how far she'd fallen in only a matter of weeks.

* * *

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	15. Dr Madden

"Natalie, I know you don't want to go, but you have to," Dan said for the final time. "Now get ready- we're leaving."

"Henry and I were going to a movie tonight," she sulked, glaring at her father.

"Well, he can survive one day without seeing you," he said, rolling his eyes. Natalie scowled. "Though I'm not exactly sure- are you two attached at the hip?"

She didn't answer, just stomped upstairs and gathered her cell phone and iPod. Grabbing her coat, she followed her father out the door.

"I've never met this guy," she said nervously. "So why do I have to do this again?"

"Dr. Madden said it would be a good idea for you to come in and talk about your side of the story with him. I've been talking with him lately, and he suggested this. I think it sounded like a marvelous idea."

"You know why he wants to talk with me, right?" she asked bitterly.

"Why?"

"Because he gets paid for another hour."

"Natalie..." Dan said, shaking his head. "Please just go in there with an open mind."

"Whatever."

They reached the building they were headed for, and parked. Together, they went up through the elevator and ended up on a boring landing with beige carpeting and matching sand colored walls.

"Lovely," Natalie said, eyeing the polyester furniture.

"Natalie," he warned.

She went up to the front desk and got the forms she had to fill out. She circled all the appropriate yes's and no's before handing the form for her dad to sign. She rolled her eyes when she saw him 'discreetly' scan his vision over the question asking whether or not she was sexually active, and then watched him scan over the question about whether she did drugs or alcohol. She'd circled 'no' on both- she was not _currently_ doing any drugs, and was glad. On paper, it made her look good, and it made things easier with her dad.

"So I'll see you in an hour," she said, standing up when they called her name.

"Ok. I'll be here," her dad said, opening a magazine.

Bitterly, she followed the woman at the desk into the back of the office, and then ended up in front of a door. 'Dr. Madden,' read the plaque that hung on it.

"You can go right in," the woman said brightly. Natalie smiled sarcastically, and opened the door.

A young, dark-haired man looked up from his desk, putting down his pen.

"Ms. Goodman," he said, extending his hand. "Take a seat."

She did as she was told. "Hey."

He smiled. "Hey. It's nice to meet you. I've heard a lot about you," he said with a knowing smile. She grimaced- how much did he hear? He looked through her papers calmly.

"You do know that everything you say here is confidential?"

"I do," she said. She wasn't an idiot.

"I just want to ask you, Natalie- have you been entirely truthful on these forms? I know your father had to sign them- did you possibly fudge the answers?"

She prickled instantly. Why did he instantly assume she was lying? He smiled at her again.

"Natalie. Tell me whatever you like. But I can't help until you let me," he said. "So just relax, and we'll chat."

He sat back in his chair as though demonstrating how to relax.

"I didn't lie," she said. "I don't know what my dad said I might be doing, but I'm not doing drugs or anything."

"Good," Dr. Madden said simply. His passiveness irked her. He just looked at her for a very long time.

"Ok, I'm not doing them _anymore._" She added.

"Even better."

"Much."

"Ah, I see," he finished, raising his eyebrows. "You do know that those kinds of.... remedies won't help anything?"

She looked away. "Yeah. I know. That's why I'm trying to stop."

"And your boyfriend... " he said, looking through the papers.

"Henry," she finished for him.

"Yes. Henry. Tell me about him," he said, looking very open to whatever she had to say.

She didn't know whether to trust him or not, so she decided to tell him simple things. "He likes piano."

"I understand you're musical?" Dr. Madden asked.

"Was," she finished.

"Oh?"

"I was musical. Until... Well...."

"Natalie, you can say anything in here. It's a safe place."

"See, it's kind of your fault, a little," she said, her eyes piercing. "I had this big recital. It was my audition for Yale, so I could get away and graduate early. And my mom _swore_ she'd be there. So did my dad. But when it was starting, she wasn't there. She was here," Natalie said, pointing at the floor of the office. "And the only person who was there was Henry... he's the _only_ one who's ever there. And... and... I couldn't help it. I fucked up."

"How did you... 'fuck up'?" he asked.

"I just couldn't get the sonata out right. My fingers didn't go where they were supposed to. All I could think about was how my mother never did anything she promised, and how I was always going along, doing what I was supposed to do. That's all I've ever done, you know? Get good grades, be the best piano player, the best kid I could be. I tried to be perfect, and I obeyed all the rules. And she did whatever she wanted, and never kept any promises to me."

"That must be difficult," he said.

"No shit!" she said, laughing bitterly. "So, like, I just snapped, you know? And I started screaming, and then I just started... improvising. It was so embarassing. And then I just started hyperventalating, and I got really dizzy, and then Henry came onstage and took my home. And I haven't played since."

"When was this?" he asked, concerned.

She shrugged, thinking back. "Like two and a half months ago, maybe?"

"And you used to play every day?" he said.

She nodded. "It's funny- I don't miss it. Yet. I have a feeling I might, though," she said. Just as she said it, she got a farmiliar feeling- the feeling that she wanted to play. Maybe she did miss it.

"Natalie. Tell me about how you're coping with your mother's absence."

"I'm fine," she said defensively. "It's not like she was there too much in the first place."

"Maybe not, but you can still miss her."

She shrugged. "I don't know. It's actually kind of nice. I mean, my dad was always more attentive, and now he's got even more left over attention for me. Plus I get to spend time with him now, because he's not using all his energy to take care of my mom, and that's sort of a relief, for him, too. Even though he misses her, I can tell that it's good for him to only have to care about himself now."

"So your relationship has improved?"

She thought of her snippiness from before, and felt bad. Her dad was only trying to help, and he wanted her to get better. "I'd say so," she remarked. "But it's not, like, great."

"How are your grades, Natalie?" Dr. Madden asked.

She looked away. "They're fine, now. They were bad for a couple weeks, but they're getting better again. Not as good as before, though. I used to be a straight-A student. Now, not so much," she said, ashamed.

"That's ok," he said. "You don't need to be perfect, Natalie."

She laughed bitterly. "You sound like Henry."

He raised his eyebrows. "Oh?"

"Yeah! Like, he's worse than my dad. Seriously, all he ever used to say is that I don't need to be perfect, and that I should make mistakes. It was like he wanted me to mess up or something. And then, after I snapped, it was like he wanted me to be perfect again."

"What d oyou mean, you 'snapped'?" Dr. Madden asked.

"Well..." she said. "So I'm not doing drugs anymore, right? I sort of was... for awhile."

"What kind of drugs?"

She shrugged dismissively. "Nothing too scary."

Ok, that was a lie.

"Well... maybe that's not true. I kind of stole my moms stuff. And I would go to parties and stuff. But I'm ok now," she said defensively. "That's like, so over."

"And Henry didn't push you into this?" Dr. Madden asked.

"Oh, my God. No. I mean, he smokes pot and stuff, so I thought like 'I'll do that, too.' And then it just spun out of control... But it wasn't his fault. It was annoying at the time, but he really wanted me to stop the whole time."

"You shouldn't ever do something because your boyfriend is doing it," he said.

"Duh. Doesn't mean it's not difficult to ignore, though. So today, I'm supposed to be out with him, and my dad dragged me here to talk about this stuff. But you know what I just realized?"

"What, Natalie?"

"I shouldn't here. Because, no offense- you seem like a really cool guy and all- but you're not really helping. And that's not your fault. I'm sure you're a great therapist. But I think I need to talk to my mom about this whole thing, you know? Talk it out with her? Because just telling you how I feel... It's not like you were the one who set the house on fire when I was twelve, or had the habit of coming into school in your pajamas."

"No, I can't say I did that," he said. "But sometimes I third party's opinion helps."

"Sometimes," Natalie said, reaching for her coat. She extended her hand. "It's nice meeting you, Dr. Madden. I hope I don't see you in the future."

"You still have twenty minutes-"

"That's ok," she said. "This was a good talk," she finished, nodding her head.

"It was. It was interesting to hear your prospective on things-"

Natalie smiled. "Glad to help. If you ever want to hear any of the wacky stories about her, just call. I'd be glad to share. Until then, well- see you around. Or not."

She nodded, and then left the office, walking out into the waiting room. She cringed, remembering her dad was still there.

"Hey," she said, and he looked up, surprised.

"I thought you weren't done until-"

"I'm not," she said. "But I think I figured out what I want to do."

"Natalie, you should listen to what he has to say-"

"Dad? Can you take me to see mom? I just want to talk to her. And I think I have to do it now, before I lose my nerve."

They drove over to her grandparent's house, Natalie constantly thinking of things to say to her mother. She alternated between feeling extremely angry about all that had happened, to sadness, to confusion. When she got out of the car, she had no idea what to feel.

She rang the doorbell, and held her breath when the door opened. She found herself face-to-face with the woman she'd spent sixteen years trying to impress.

"Hey, mom," she said weakly.


	16. Visits from Mom

**Hey guys- sorry for the long wait! lack of inspiration, I guess... Anyway, enjoy!**

* * *

"Nat," Dan said, hanging up the phone and calling up the stairs.

"Hold on," she said into her cell phone, sitting up on her bed. "What, dad?"

"Can I talk to you for a second?"

"About what?" she asked. She was in the middle of a conversation- did she really have to interrupt it?

"Natalie, come downstairs. It'll only take a minute."

"Fine," she called, then picked the phone up again. "I'll call you back, Henry. Father calls."

Taking the stairs two and a time, she landed on the first floor with energy, looking her dad expectantly in the eye.

"Well?" she asked rudely.

"Be polite," he said, and she rolled her eyes. "Nat, tomorrow night you need to be home."

She laughed. "Um, dad- tomorrow is the first day in three weeks that I've had free! It's _Friday, _and for weeks I've had to practice and I've been busy with auditions and college apps and service hours. Seriously? Why do I have to stay home?"

"Your mother's coming over for dinner," he said simply. Natalie was quieted immediately.

"Why?" was all she could ask.

"She wants to see you."

"I saw her like, two weeks ago."

"Natalie, it was over a month ago. And you always see her in tiny little incriments of time- after a recital, or you meet for lunch and find an excuse to leave after barely an hour- she wants to come over and actually spend an evening with you."

"Are you going to be here?" Natalie asked. Dan nodded. "Is that going to be awkward?"

He held up his hands. "I've dealt with so many awkward situations that I'm immune. So tell Henry you can't go out tomorrow-"

"How did you know-"

"You're not that hard to figure out, Nat," he said, smiling.

With a grunt, she dragged herself upstairs, making a show of her annoyance at the situation.

She called Henry back, and answered his "Hello again!" with an overdramatic sigh.

"What's up?"

"So tomorrow we can't go out, because my dad wants to play happy family. My mom's coming over for dinner, and I have to 'spend time with her.'"

"Ok," Henry said. "Are you free on Saturday night then?"

"Ok?" Natalie said icily. "_Ok? _This is not _ok,_ Henry!" she spat.

"Ok..." he said, more slowly this time. "What's isn't ok about it?"

She grunted. "I don't know! But this certainly isn't!"

"Ok," he said. She made a face even though he couldn't see her, and he laughed. "Sorry. I just wanted to say it one more time to annoy you. So what's so bad about your mom coming over?"

"Well, it'll start out fine, because she's actually been pretty normal every time I've seen her. But see, when _she's _normal, my dad's not. He'll, like, start crying or keep mentioning how nice it was when we all used to be a family. He's totally still in love with my mom. And if she _isn't _ok, then the whole evening will be devoted to her problems, and dad will go right back to fixing them, and I'll be ignored, and then we're right back where we started."

"So keep your phone on. If it gets too awkward, text me or something and I'll show up and pretend you left your textbook at my house. Actually, you _did-_ I have it right here and I've been meaning to give it back to you-"

"Thanks, Henry," she said. "But I think I can handle it. It just sorta sucks."

"Life sucks. Then you die," he said.

"Great," she moaned. "Anyway... sorry about tomorrow night."

"I can survive on my own for one evening, Nat," he said, jokingly. "So lemme know how this goes. I'll see you at school tomorrow."

When she hung up, she flopped back onto her bed. This was so weird- she had no idea what to expect.

* * *

At six on Friday, Natalie waited nervously and kept checking the windows to see if her mom had come yet. It was weird- she dressed nicer than usual, as though she wanted to make a good impression. This whole thing felt so formal, even though for the better part of her seventeen year life, she'd lived with this woman.

"Hey," Natalie said, crossing her arms over her chest and nodding, trying to cover up her awkwardness.

"Hi, Nat," her mom said, her smile easy and relaxed, almost too open. She looked healthy- her complexion was flushed, her hair shiny, she wasn't too thin. Natalie didn't knwo whether or not she wanted her mother to benefit from leaving the house, but benefit she had.

"Want to... sit down?" Natalie couldn't get over the awkwardness of the situation. She felt like a hostess, but was she? This woman lived in this very house for years; does the fact that she moved away make her a stranger?

They sat in the living room, and then Dan joined them, bringing in two glasses of white wine and a soda for Natalie. Nat's skin prickled oddly- while they lived together, there was never a day when the three of them just sat on the couch and _visited _together, simply to talk and catch up on the things. She was always on the go, running between activities, and her mom... well...

For awhile, things were awkward. Actually, things were awkward all night. They ate dinner much to formally, filling each other in on everything that was happening in their lives, being too polite and never interrupting or bumping elbows. The closest any of the three got was when she hugged her mother goodbye on her way out the door.

* * *

"So, how'd it go?" Henry asked when he picked her up the following night.

"It was totally weird. It felt like when my grandparents would come over- the house was spotless, we acted all formal and weird. She felt like a guest or something."

Henry nodded. "I totally get that. When I was twelve, the year after my parents' divorce, my dad came over for my birthday dinner. My parents didn't argue or anything, but the whole night was just _so_ bizarre."

"Yeah- except my dad still totally loves my mom, and that's really awkward too. He misses her so much, it's ridiculous. And it's not like I can talk to him about it, you know? That would just be weird," Natalie said. "Once in awhile, I just wish things would get back to normal. And then I remember that nothing was _ever_ normal. But still, when she was home, everything was less confusing. I still had a mom _and _a dad. Plus, they're not divorced or anything, so I don't get a normal excuse for not having two parents. Who wants to say, 'my mom moved out for medical reasons'?" she shook her head.

* * *

She couldn't say when it happened, exactly. But as time went by and she saw her mother more frequently, she became more comfortable with their more distant relationship. They no longer seemed to be mother and daughter- more like aunt and neice or something. They were close, but they were not connected in a strong, tangible way. Their relationship became more friendly, less personal.

It came to be that when natalie was going to meet her mother, she did not dread the day. She would be excited, and wanted to hear what her mother was up to. She wasn't constantly scared for her mother's life, or worried about what she would do to mess everything up. The whole her mother had created in leaving was closed up- her father, Henry, and some friends from school grew around the absense, and she felt like she had a family. And her mother was still _there,_ she just wasn't in Natalie's daily life anymore.

Still, Natalie missed her. She never thought she'd admit it, but she wanted her mother to come home again.


	17. After Graduation

As they lay together, breathing heavy, he wondered what the future had in store for them. Two days before, he'd graduated, and had stayed to see Natalie's graduation. They were both moving back home for the summer before they both went off to grad school. This time they were both going to BU, and were to share an apartment. But as he watched her lying next to him, her skin soft against his and her eyes closed, he wondered if that was enough. He never wanted to be with anyone else. He loved Natalie more than he'd ever loved anyone or anything. He'd been in love with her- to varying degrees- since the sixth grade. And here she was, lying next to him after they had just made love, still perfect for him. He wondered if now was the time to bring it up.

Yes, he thought. Yes it was. As if on cue, she opened her eyes, and he smiled at her.

"What?" she asked.

"I thought you were asleep… you're adorable when you sleep."

She blushed and hid her face in the pillows.

"Nat?" he whispered. "Natalie?"

She looked up, cuddling closer to him.

He put a hand on her hair and let it slide down from her head to her shoulders to her back, and then around her waist.

"Will you marry me?"

Her eyes snapped open.

"_What?"_

He tried not to take her harsh tone as a rejection. "I asked if you'd marry me."

She looked at him, eyes wide, for an immeasurable moment.

"You want to marry me? _Me?"_

"Yes," he said, honesty on his face. "I love you more than anything, Nat. I don't ever want to be with anyone else. Those two months we broke up last year were possibly the worst of my life. Then, or junior year of high school when I just realized that I was in love with you, and at the same time I was so scared you'd kill yourself-"

"Can we not talk about those times, please? They're not my favorite memories either," she said, looking away. "I meant… you'd trust _me_ to be your wife? I'm fine now, it's true… but what about five years down the line? What if we have kids-"

"Great. I'll love them too-"

"That's _not_ what I meant! What if I can't take it? What if I let you down…?" she asked, fear in her voice. He put his arms around her, and held her close, turning onto his back so she was lying on top of him.

"Then I'll be there for you, every step of the way. I love you so much, Natalie. I believe that you _can_ handle this, for one, but if you can't… well, I promised you once that I'd always be here for you. And it's still true. No matter what," he said but she was already shaking her head.

"Henry. _Henry._ I don't want you to. I don't want you to end up like my father, throwing everything away for me. I love you too much to let you do that. I don't want to ruin your life by becoming your wife-"

"But you'll ruin it by _not_ marrying me?" he asked, seriously worried now.

"Henry- it wouldn't _ruin_ your life-"

"Natalie. I'm not trying to pressure you. But yes it would. I want this, us, you forever. I want you when you're sad, angry, and yes- crazy, because it's better than not having you at all. You're the one person for me, Natalie, and I know there's no one like you in the world. I want to come home to you every day, and to sleep next to you every night. I want to plan everything in my life with you. I want for everyone to know how much I love you, and I want for everyone to know that I've chosen someone, that I've found the person I'm meant to be with. I wake up every day and feel thankful that I know you, Natalie, and I've known you for such a long time. Some people never meet that person, Nat, and I'm so lucky to have spent even this much time with you. But I want it all… if it happens, I want us to have kids. Our kids. And we'll raise them well and we'll do it together. And I think you can do it. I _know_ you can."

She looked away. When she looked back, he saw there were tears in her eyes.

"Natalie!" he said, taking her face in his hands and kissing her. "Did I upset you?"

"No… it's not that. It's just…" she wiped her tears. "I want all that. I want it with you. You're right… we're so lucky to have each other. And I'm thankful for you, too. I want what you want." She let out a sob. "Even the kids. I can see our kids, Henry. Not exactly, but I can see us having kids. And you'd be a really, really good father. I just can't believe you want all this with me. Me, the messed up, damaged goods. I'm worried I'd disappoint you somehow. Or make a mistake with our child. I couldn't stand that."

She laid her face against his chest, hiding her crying eyes. She wouldn't look at him, so he just talked to the ceiling.

"Nat, we'd have to take it one day at a time. But who doesn't? I just don't think that, given all that we have together, we should just throw it away because we're scared. I know I'm meant to be with you, somehow. I'm willing to risk possibly being hurt for a life that is worth so much more than any disappointment. _You_ are worth a few bumps in the road, Nat. No- you're definitely worth much, much more than that."

"I love you, Henry," she said.

"I love you, too."

"And… I think I'm willing to take a risk. As long as you're with me, every step of the way."

"I promise I will be."

She leaned up and kissed him. "I couldn't see myself with anyone else. Who else can make me laugh about the dumbest things? Or pull conversations out of thin air? Or manage to say all the right things?"

"Aw, Nat, you're making me blush."

"I'm serious."

"I am, too. Does this mean…?"

"It means that yes Henry, I'll marry you."

He let out a sigh of relief, and then smiled, and not being able to help it, laughed out loud. He hugged her so tightly that she had to remind him that she needed to breathe in order to make it to the wedding, and then he kissed her until neither of them were breathing too well.

"I love you so much, Nat."

"Me, too, Henry. Me, too."

"Want to see something?" he reached over the side of the bed and found his jeans, pulling a box out of the pocket. He rolled back over next to her. "Here. Look."

She smiled, her heart picking up speed. _This is really happening,_ she though and opened the box. The ring inside was perfect. It was a plain silver band with a small round diamond set on it, held with tiny silver webbing. Very simple. Probably the simplest ring one could have, but to her it was beautiful. She didn't need anything fancy.

"It's beautiful," she whispered, leaning over and kissing Henry. "Thank you."

He took the box from her hands and removed the ring, slipping it onto her finger. When it was in place, he squeezed her hand. She looked down at the sparkling adornment that she would wear for the rest of her life, and smiled.

Perfect.

The next morning, when Dan arrived to load the car and drive home, Natalie already had all her sheets and dirty clothes in the washing machine downstairs, and she and Henry were finishing up packing, while eating all the remaining food in her apartment.

"Hi, Dad!" she called when he stuck his head in to the door. "Come on in!"

Henry turned off his iPod from the speakers. "Help yourself to the contents of Natalie's refrigerator," he said, pointing to a half-filled bottle of Sprite, two apples, and a yogurt. "We've already eaten everything else."

"I thought you went home, Henry," Dan remarked casually while pouring himself some Sprite.

Henry caught Nat's eye, and she shook her head slightly.

"I wanted to help Nat finish packing so you two could get out of here early. Miss the rush and everything."

"That was nice of you," Dan said, picking up a box and stacking it with the others by the door. "What's left?"

"Just the clothes and my sheets in the dryer. I think everything else either came with the apartment or is packed," Natalie answered.

"I'll go check around," Henry said, heading out the door that led to the kitchen and bedrooms.

Natalie sighed stretched, and sat on the ground (the only place to sit, really), and began taping up a box that held her books. Her ring caught the light, and, forgetting her dad was there, she idly looked at it and smiled.

Dan was watching her this whole time, and when she looked at her hand, his eyes followed hers…

"Nat?" he asked, and she looked up.

"Yeah?"

"Do you have something to tell me?" He pointed at her hand.

She looked at him, and then down at the ring, and then back up. "Yeah. Um…" she couldn't help it. Her happiness came through, and she beamed. "Henry and I are getting married!"

_Thank goodness,_ he thought. He knew for the past year or so that this was bound to happen sooner or later. He couldn't be happier. "Congratulations!" he said, hugging Natalie. "When did this happen?"

Surely it had to have been either this morning or yesterday. He would have noticed if she was wearing the ring a graduation- well, _someone_ would have.

"Yesterday, right after everyone left."

He realized that Henry probably never left her apartment, and that was why he was still here this morning. Oh, well.

"That's great, Nat. Wonderful."

"I know," she said dreamily. Natalie- dreamy. He'd never seen her this happy.

"I think we've got everything!" Henry's voice came through, and he as back in the room. "I didn't see anything lying around."

"Henry!" Dan called overzealously. "Congratulations! Welcome to the Goodman clan!"

_The Goodman clan?_ Henry wondered, but just went with it. Natalie just shrugged her shoulders. Dan stood up and acted all father-son, slapping him on the shoulder and weird stuff like that, which Henry figured Mr. Goodman felt obligated to do, whether he wanted to or not.

"So, why didn't you two tell me sooner? Why did you spare the news?"

"We didn't _spare _you the news," Natalie said. "You got here, like, five minutes ago. And we sort of didn't want you to-"

Henry gave her a look. "We wanted it to be a surprise!"

Dan rolled his eyes. "It wasn't really a surprise. I've been hoping his would happen ever since you two started dating!"

"Yeah, me too," Henry said. Dan laughed. Natalie didn't.


	18. Dresses, Dropped Pencils, and Crushes

**Hey guys... sorry for the lack of updates. Here's Natalie in Middle School!**

**I really liked writing this age for her. Let me know if you like it, too, because it's a fun age to write. Everyone is awkward anyway, but with her... I liked writing her having the same worries as everyone else, and having to also deal with her life at home. Let me know if you like it, PLEASE. Especially this time, because this is kind of new for me.**

* * *

Natalie walked home from the end of the block where the bus dropped her off, opened the door and dropped her backpack onto the floor.

"I'm home!" she called. As usual, no one answered. She didn't expect anything back, but it still felt good to yell that, as if someone actually cared.

She walked further into the house and saw her mom laying on the couch with a washcloth over her eyes.

"Hi, mom," Natalie said tentatively. "Are you... ok?"

"I have a headache," Diana said. Natalie sighed. Maybe this wasn't the best time to bring it up. But her mom removed the washcloth from her face and looked at her carefully. "Do you need something?"

"Um, kinda," Natalie said, shifting her feet. "See, it's like May 15th today and everything. And the eighth grade graduation is in two weeks, and all the girls are supposed to wear sun dresses. And I still need one."

"Don't you have that yellow one you wore to your cousin Steve's wedding?" her mom said.

"Mom... it doesn't fit anymore. That was a year ago, and I grew. Please? Danielle got a pretty light blue one and she showed it to me. And all the girls have nice dresses and clothes and they always look so pretty and I never do."

"You are pretty, Nat," Diana said distractedly.

_Yeah, right,_Natalie thought. Andrew, the boy she liked, never seemed to notice. He was always talking to the pretty girls whose breasts were already grown, their hair was always smooth and shiny and never frizzy, and who didn't have braces. They all looked so sure of themselves al the time, with their white teeth, laughing and saying witty things that seemed to out-of-reach for Natalie. She could never be cool like that. But she could try to be pretty. The other day, she'd stared at herself in the mirror, and realized she wasn't bad looking. As long as she put a little more effort in, maybe Andrew would notice.

"Mom," Natalie sighed. "Please?"

"OK," Diana said, smiling warmly. "How about we go to the mall on Saturday? We can go to Macy's and Nordstrom and go out to lunch after."

Natalie's face broke out into a huge smile. "Seriously?"

"Yep. It's a date."

* * *

All week, Natalie looked forward to spending Saturday with her mom. Though when her dad asked her if she was excited to go, she just shrugged and said, "Yeah. Sure, I guess. I mean, we're just buying a dress." But on the inside, she was counting down to Saturday. She even put it on her calender, circling the word "mom" twice.

For the rest of the week, Natalie washed her face extra carefully to get her skin clear and pretty like the other girls. By the time the graduation rolled around, her skin might be almost flawless. And if she smiled the right way, you could almost forget she had braces.

On Friday, she walked home from school instead of taking the bus so she could stop by the drugstore. She bought a hair straightener and this goopy cream to flatten out her frizz. She decided she'd get up extra early on Monday and make herself look like the other girls. She had her outfit all planned, too: her favorite, cute jeans, her new sandals for the summer, and a purple tshirt that made her eyes look extra brown and deep looking. They never had that much money for her to buy new clothes or anything because of all the medication and therapy her mom needed, but with some scrounging, she could look like the other cute girls.

On Saturday, she woke up and got ready. When she putting on her shorts, she even felt a few butterflies. _What the heck?_ Natalie thought. _I'm only going to hang out with my _mom, _for goodness' sake! I shouldn't be this excited._

She ran downstairs and quickly ate her cereal, then sat on the couch and watched some tv until it was ten o'clock, an acceptable to time to go the mall. She heard her parents talking upstairs, but no one came down. She tried to tune them out, and just concentrated on the cartoon on tv. But at eleven o'clock, she started getting antsy. Her mom had said they would go out to lunch- it was eleven, and they lived a good half hour from the mall. To go shopping, and then go to lunch, well... they'd have to leave soon, wouldn't they?

So she turned off the tv and walked upstairs.

"Mom?" she called. "Hey mom!"

But they didn't answer her- she reached the landing, and saw that the door to her parent's bedroom was ajar. She peaked inside, and saw her mom sitting on the ground in her nightgown, her hands bleeding, in tears. All around her was shattered glass. Nat looked closer, and saw a picture frame and a loose photograph scattered on the ground as well. She knew the photo well- it was of she, her mother, and her father, taken when she was about six. She had a big red velvet bow on her head in it.

"Di, here," her dad said, reaching to help her mom stand up amidst the glass.

"I...I..." her mother said, sobbing uncontrollably. "I can't be a part of this family anymore."

"Diana, I know things are hard. But I love you- Natalie loves you, we want you here-"

"No!" her mom cried, pushing him away. His shoes crushed more of the glass into the carpeting. "You don't understand what it's like, to go through life in this hellhole. I hate it here. I just hate it!"

Natalie stepped away from the door, and walked downstairs, blinking tears out of her eyes.

"I'm going for a walk!" she called to her dad, who she knew wasn't listening.

"What?" he called, distracted. Obviously.

"I _said_ I'm going for a walk."

"Oh- ok honey," he said, and then she heard the low mumble of his voice, resuming his comforting of his wife.

Natalie opened the door, and left the house. She knew her mom didn't exactly mean what she'd said- she sometimes said things like that when she got angry with her dad. Natalie said horrible things when she got mad, too. It wasn't a good habit, but she knew lots of people did it. It wasn't that. Hearing her mom insult their family wasn't the worst part. She simply couldn't shake the image of her mother's bloody hands, sitting in the middle of a pile of broken glass. Somehow, she knew other family's arguments didn't have images like that.

An hour or so later when she returned home, she found her mom at the kitchen table, her hands bandaged. She didn't say anything about going to buy a dress, so neither did Natalie. Nat just pored herself a glass of lemonade and went up to her bedroom. She found that if she didn't quite breathe too much, she could zip up the yellow dress from her cousin's wedding. It was a little too short and it was too tight on the top pinching under the arms and creating a kind of muffin-top around the neckline and the back, but it would have to work.

* * *

On Monday, Natalie got up extra early like she told herself. She straightened her hair and made it pretty and shiny, and wore the outfit she'd picked out. She put on some lipgloss and even a touch of eyeshadow. Taking a last look at herself in the mirror, she smiled.

"You, Natalie, look pretty good," she told herself.

Before math class, she clutched her books excitedly. Andrew was in math with her, and he sat two seats in front of her. She had to pass by his seat to get to hers, and she could just imagine it- he'd double take, then pretend he didn't notice. But before long, he wouldn't be able to contain it, and he'd get up from his seat, kneel down next to her desk, and ask her to go to a movie. It would be perfect.

She assumed her best not-caring face, and walked into the room. Though it was hard, she refused to look at Andrew until the last possible second. She chanced a very blasé glance his way, but was disappointed. He wasn't even looking at her. He was talking to his friend, Eric or something. Natalie angry sat down, her stomach dropping.

Then, she realized there was, indeed, a God. Andrew dropped his pencil, which rolled right towards her desk. She leaned down at just the right moment and picked it up, giving her best charming, hiding-her-braces smile, before straightening up and giving it to him.

"Thanks," he said distractedly, without even much of a smile. Then he turned back around. Natalie's heart fell.

When she got home that day, she showered right away and let her hair go curly again. She'd never do something that stupid again. He was obviously an idiot and would never notice her.

No. He wasn't an idiot. She was just not very pretty, and there wasn't a reasonf or him to pay any attention to her. What was she thinking anyway? She must have been looking in a trick mirror or something, because when she looked again, she found herself to be quite ugly.

* * *

The next day when she walked into math, she didn't look at Andrew again. But this time, it wasn't because she wanted him to notice her ignoring him. It was because she didn't want to see him ignoring her. She opened her workbook to the page that their homework had been on, and started checking it with the answers on the board.

"Oh. You're hair's back to normal," she heard a voice behind her say.

"What?" she asked, turning around. This really skinny kid who never said a word- like, _ever_- was the one who'd spoken. He looked down immediately afterwards.

"Nothing. I just said... you're hair's all curly again. Like usual."

"Yeah? So what?" she asked rudely. She knew she wasn't exactly being nice, but did he really need to kick her when she was down? She knew that pretending to be pretty was a stupid idea- she just wasn't pretty. But who was this kid to have to point it out _again?_ She'd gotten enough of an idea yesterday, thank you very much.

"Well. I don't know. It just was weird, straight and everything."

She glared at him and turned around.

* * *

Henry spent the entire week cursing himself after that. Why was he so stupid?

When she came into class with her hair straight, he'd immediately thought it looked dumb. In a cute way, but dumb. Her curly hair was so pretty. Why would she change it? Then he saw how she'd blushed when that jerk Andrew dropped his pencil. That's why. She wanted him to notice. And he didn't.

And so when it was back to normal, he'd planned what to say. 'Your hair looks so pretty like that.' He wanted her to see that he was cooler and nicer than Andrew- he noticed her every day. And he thought her hair looked much prettier when she didn't change it.

Instead, he'd just insulted her by accident. But when she looked at him like that, her gaze intense and lazar-like, it made his heart beat fast and he couldn't think. She scared him so much!

So he decided to keep his comments to himself for awhile.

* * *

**Again, PLEASE REVIEW THIS CHAPTER. Let me know what you liked/didn't.**

**Thanks! **


	19. It All Seemed to Make Sense

**There's so many of these going around, but I wanted to write me own version. Lemme know if you like!**

* * *

"Are you sure we can handle this?" Natalie asked for the thousandth time, a hand on her stomach as Henry drove to the doctor. "I mean-"

"Natalie, I know we can handle it. We both want this." He took her hand and held it comfortingly.

She didn't know if he was right. She was three months pregnant, and still unsure about it all. She and Henry had been married three years, were financially stable, and as a result of a series of late night conversations, had decided to have a baby. Even though it had been planned, fear had still filled her when she found out that she was pregnant. With a child, she was one step closer to the horror that her mother had lived. Now, she worried daily for her health and often woke up in the night, terrified about impossible accidents that could happen to the child as it grew up.

"We're going to be fine, Natalie," Henry said.

"Can you believe we've lasted this long?" she asked pensively. He glanced at her, smiling.

"Why? You getting tired of me?"

She smiled back. "Definitely not. I meant that it's kind of amazing that we've been together this long- it's so lucky that we met each other when we were so young... you really were the best boyfriend ever," she complimented.

"I tried," Henry confessed. "I knew it was the first step to _this_," he said, acknowledging their interlocked hands. "I knew you wouldn't marry me without some serious persuasion first. You were kind of hard to get to back then, you know."

She rolled her eyes. Henry had a knack for drawing attention to her angry, negative personality. But he also had a knack of being extremely positive- sometimes it was annoying, but usually it just served to balance them out.

They arrived at the doctor, and filled out the usual forms for the usual checkup. With baited breath, Natalie waited for the doctor to tell them that the baby was sick, or turned over in the womb, or that she had somehow had a miscarriage without knowing it. She only breathed out when she heard the words she'd been praying for. "You and the baby seem wonderfully healthy. Keep doing what you're doing, and check in with us in the next couple weeks."

* * *

Their journey had not been easy. Natalie had never ever wanted children. She had been dead set against them- not because she didn't like them, but because she didn't want to put herself in danger of becoming what her mother was. More than that, she didn't want to give her child the same youth that she'd suffered through.

It had been tough on her and Henry- he hadn't really cared until the were going to get married. But after their engagement, they sat down to figure out some goals for their lives. They had one discussion about it that turned quickly into a fight- he said he's always seen himself having children, and he didn't know if he could give that up. But he also said he couldn't see himself with anyone else. Natalie asked if he could trust her with children- he claimed he could.

It had been bad- he'd called her selfish for thinking only for her own problems, and forever taking this opportunity away from the both of them. She said _he_ was selfish because he was willing to bring a child into the world and risk it having a horrible life. In the end, after many tears, they'd agreed to bury the issue and not reach any definitive agreements on it. Natalie said she would think about it, but she couldn't promise anything. They'd discuss it again in a few months.

Periodically, they checked in with each other, and for awhile, nothing changed. They had more fights, and it had been the biggest problem with their engagement.

"I'm not going to marry you until this is resolved," Henry said gravely.

"So you won't marry be unless you get your way?" she asked, appalled and annoyed.

"No," he said, clenching his fists in frustration. "But I'm _not_ going to marry you when we're disagreeing about something as big as this."

Inside, they were voicing more concerns that neither would say: Natalie didn't want to end up like her mom. She was afraid she'd mess something up. And she did not want to lose her sanity, and become the frightening, unstable woman who she'd been embarrassed of throughout her childhood. And really, Natalie did want children. But she couldn't stand for her child to be embarrassed of her.

Henry, on the other hand, was thinking something poisonous and destructive to their relationship. Deep down, he thought that it was time for Natalie to make a sacrifice for _him._It wasn't like he regretting anything he did for her, but he was always the one being supportive, the one helping her out. Thus far, he hadn't asked for anything, and she'd been everything he'd ever wanted and more. It wasn't like she was taking advantage of him or anything, but he just felt like he should be able to have a say in something this huge. And he'd always helped her through everything before, and it had all turned out ok. Who's to say that if she did have children, she would lose her sanity? There was no guarantee. Hell, she was saner than him most of the time anyway. He was resentful, because he truly believed she would be fine, and she was taking this away from him.

Eventually, their concerns came through to each other, and they started talking. Henry said there were some things he just didn't want to compromise on. But he would be willing to take it one step at a time- they could just begin thinking more seriously about having children. Natalie admitted her fears. They made a few appointments with a councellor, asking about the safety and mental risks on Natalie- in the end, Natalie wasn't so scared.

And here they were, pregnant.

* * *

Six months later, she was sitting in a hospital bed between contractions, trying to keep herself from having a panic attack.

"What if he's got six fingers on one hand?"

"He'll be a fantastic piano player," Henry said calmly. "Just breathe, ok? He's healthy-"

"He was healthy in the last ultrasound, which was _two weeks ago!_ What if something happened since then? Don't you _care-"_

"Natalie."

"Sorry," she said. "I'm doing it again, aren't I?"

He smiled. "It's ok. We've got awhile though, like the nurse said. Let's see what's on tv. Ooh, look- Seinfeld. Have you seen this one?"

Natalie bared her teeth. "Henry. Do you _honestly _think I want to watch _Seinfeld_ when I am about to give _birth?"_

He flipped the tv off. "Sorry."

"Sorry," she said. "Stressed."

"It's all good. Me too."

* * *

Henry couldn't describe exactly what he felt when he heard his son's cries for the first time. He lost grip on reality, and everything in the world seemed to shift. The nurse handed the red, squirming child to Natalie, and as he leaned over her and gazed into the face of his son he could only describe it this way: everything fell into place. He sat on the bed next to Natalie, next to his family. She had the same look on her face- almost religious worship, tears in her eyes. She looked at him, her eyes huge and disbelieving, and he kissed her.

"Look at us," he said.

"All three of us," she said, her voice cracking.

He put his arm around her, and touched his son for the first time. He stroked one of his fingers against the baby's tiny fist. As gently as he could, he touched one of the minuscule fingers. He looked so _fragile._ Henry was terrified of breaking him.

"We did it," he said gently, tears now forming in his own eyes.

Natalie sighed in relief. "He's perfect."

"You're perfect."

* * *

Two and a half weeks later, Natalie answered the door, letting her mom in.

"Hey," she said, rubbing her eyes.

"Hi, sweetheart. You look good- healthy. Now- where's my grandson?" Diana asked.

"He's asleep," Natalie said, motioning to the baby blanket spread in the middle of the living room floor, the little boy in the green onesie right in the middle. "So let's try not to change that."

They sat on the couch in silence for a few minutes. Henry was out buying groceries. After she'd delivered the baby, her parents and Henry's parents had come to the hospital to meet him. But her mom wanted to come up again and spend the afternoon with Natalie and her grandson.

"When does Henry go back to work?"

"On Monday," Natalie said. "The school gave him three weeks, which is nice. And I have off until June, which is perfect. Once I go back to work, Henry's off for the summer. But we haven't decided if I'm going back full time or not."

"You tired?" Diana asked. Natalie sighed, smiling, but rubbing her face with a hand.

"People say it's tiring- but I didn't even expect it to be half as hard. And Henry hasn't even gone back to work yet- that's going to take some adjusting. But it's so, so worth it," she said, smiling. She'd been feeling so euphoric ever since the baby came.

"Do you need any help?"

Natalie froze, plastering a friendly but non-committal smile on her face. "Er, thanks mom. But I don't think so." _The last thing I want to do is leave my child in your hands, _she thought. Then she saw her mom's face fall ever so slightly, and her gaze drop to the floor. Natalie then felt bad, so she decided to share some information to level the ground. "Henry's mom called today and asked if we wanted her to stay with us for a few weeks, for when he goes back to work."

"Oh. That's nice of her," Diana said. She didn't really like Henry's mom, and hearing this made her jealous.

"I said no."

"Oh," Di said, smiling. "Good for you!"

"Yeah, I was thinking... I don't need that much help. And I'd rather not have to worry about keeping the house clean or looking nice." She tugged the bottom of her well-worn Yale tshirt. "Plus... he's my child, you know? And I don't really want anyone else raising him. Henry and I want to do it ourselves, figure everything out. Maybe we'll need help down the line, but we need to start out on our own. And... I want to be his mommy. I don't want to share him just yet."

This last bit she added quietly, almost to herself, as she stared fondly down at her sleeping son. She blinked tears from her eyes- she was crying so much lately, it was ridiculous. She laughed at herself a little and wiped her eyes, and then noticed her mother was crying, too. Tears were streaming from her eyes as she looked down at her grandson. Gently, Natalie leaned to the ground and picked him up.

His body felt so wonderful against hers- his tiny, warm little form resting against her chest, his head against her neck, his fuzzy hair tickling her, and his baby smell so comforting.

"Do you... do you want to hold him?" Natalie said, a little reluctant. She didn't want to let him go.

Diana shook her head, trying to get a hold of herself. "No, I- I shouldn't."

Natalie's heart broke a little then. Before, she couldn't exactly understand the pain her mother must have gone through. She didn't know the sheer power of the connection she had with her child- the love and protectiveness she felt. Anything else paled in comparison. Her mother's story touched her for the first time, and she felt empathy.

"No, really," Natalie said, meaning it this time. "I want you to hold him." She met her mom's eyes. "I trust you."

Diana stopped crying, shocked. Her daughter smiled warmly at her, and for a moment, all their past and their difficulties fell away. They were just mother and daughter. Nervously, Diana held out her arms, and Natalie passed off the warm bundle that was her son. He was still asleep, just letting out a few sleepy gurgles when he was jostled a little in the exchange. Diana was lost in her past then, but in a different way. She knew that this was her grandson, but it brought back memories. Wonderful memories- not harmful ones. Holding a child can do that to you- touch your heart in a way you never deemed possible. She was hoodwinked by him already- this little guy already had her wrapped around his finger.

Natalie smiled, sitting back against the couch. She watched her mom for awhile, a little edgy, but soon enough she relaxed. She was holding the little boy like he was made of glass. She was so careful. The look of adoration in her mother's eyes was touching.

"He looks like you," Diana said. "But I think he has Henry's eyes. What do you think, Nat? Nat?"

But Natalie had fallen asleep.


	20. The Other Family

**After a long time of no inspiration, I just got a slew of it! So, here's so daily updates for awhile. Or well... after this one, I have another to write. Thanks for reading. Reviews, please? :) Can you tell me what your favorite part was? I would love that.**

* * *

On a Sunday and right before she was planning on leaving to go home for Thanksgiving Break her freshman year, Natalie's cell phone buzzed in her pocket.

"Hello?"

"Hey sweetheart!" Henry said. "How are you?"

"I'm good- just finishing up a paper for my business class."

"Didn't you tell me that was due at the end of the semester?"

Natalie stacked some of her books onto her desk, trying to determine which ones she would need during the week off. She balanced her phone int he crook of her neck and shoulder. "Yes."

"So why are you finishing it now?"

"So I can enjoy the feeling knowing I am done with something that everyone else is still griping over. Anyway. What's up with you?"

"I just got home today, and I was calling to see if you wanted to have Thanksgiving dinner with my mom and I. I think my grandma is coming, too. It shouldn't be too threatening."

Natalie thought about it, and it sounded ok. Henry's family was pretty low-key. They lived in a tiny house on the other side of town from Natalie, just he and his mom and his sister, though his mom lived alone now that he was in school. His sister had moved to Colorado after graduation though, and seldom came home. She'd recently started dating again, but was very quiet about it. They really didn't have any money, but she was so dignified and high-class that you never would guess. And it gave Henry a work ethic and an appreciation for things that other kids just didn't have.

"I'll have to talk to my dad. What time are you planning on having dinner?"

"In the evening- I can pick you up around five."

"Well, we usually have this awkward Thanksgiving lunch thing at one with my dad's parents, so it should be fine. Sounds great! I'll call you when I get some more details."

"Sure- see you soon. Love you and have a safe drive home. Don't roll down the window for any car jackers or rapists."

She rolled her eyes. "Thanks. Love you too."

* * *

On Thanksgiving, she dressed in a simple, nice-looking but casual dark blue dress. Everything with her dad had gone fine- she'd eaten with her family, and Henry was coming to pick her up. When he pulled up into the driveway, she ran out. They'd already seen each other that week, so there was no huge meeting scene, but Natalie was still happy to see him.

"Hi!" she said, jumping into the car and leaning over to kiss him. She was surprised when he looked less-than excited to see her. "What's wrong?"

"So my dad called this morning and blew up at my mom because he said that he never gets to see me anymore, and demanded that I eat dinner with him. I got on the phone and told him not to take this out on her, because I'm eighteen now and it's my business who I spend my holidays with. But he wouldn't give it up and, long story short, he's going to be here tonight. At my mom's house, eating with us."

"Ok," Natalie said. "Just relax. I'm sure it won't be as bad as you think."

"You've only seen my dad a couple times- you don't know how he gets. Sometimes he can be cool and everything, but when he doesn't get his way, he turns into a complete asshole. And my mom turns into a bitch when she gets around him- _not_ that I blame her. He walked out on us when I was six-"

"Henry," Natalie said, putting her hand on his shoulder. "I know. I know what it's like to have sucky parents, and have their problems take over everything. Especially holidays. They're always the worst. But I'm sure it'll be ok."

"You say that _now..._" he grumbled. "I just wanted this to be nice. You know? And now, my grandma's not coming. She's spending Thanksgiving at my aunt's house. She dumped us."

Natalie laughed. "It's not so bad. Look, if it sucks, we'll just go get a milkshake somewhere, ok?"

They reached Henry's house soon afterwards, and got out of the car. A shiny black BMW was in the driveway in front of the little brick house, the porch slightly sunken in, the wood damaged. It was modest, that was for sure, but Nat loved that Henry didn't ever look ashamed of what he and his mom had- or _didn't _have. He'd always said that he'd respect her more for raising him than he'd ever respect his dad, however much money the man had.

They entered the house then. "Hi!" Henry called. "Natalie and I are here."

"Natalie!" she heard Henry's mom say, looking a little strained as she came out of the kitchen, a dishtowel tucked into her skirt. She hugged Nat and smiled at her. "It's so good to see you again. How are you?"

"I'm fine," Natalie said. "Thanks so much for having me. Here, I brought cookies," she said, handing Henry's mom the platter.

"Oh, you're so sweet. I'll put them in the kitchen."

"Do you need any help?" Henry asked.

"Nope, we're just about set here. Thanks honey." She retreated back into the kitchen.

To the right was the living room, and Henry and Natalie walked into it. A large man was sitting on the couch, and he rose to meet them. Right behind him was a slight thirty-something woman with a well-cut red dress on and sleek hair.

"Hi, dad," Henry said warily. Then he stepped forward, obviously unsure of whether to give a handshake or a hug. His dad drew him into a gruff embrace, slapping him on the back a few times.

"And your lovely lady," he said, extending his hand to Natalie. "Nice to see you again. This is Bridgett, my girlfriend," he said, putting a hand on the lower back of the woman. She smiled very warmly at them both.

"It's so nice to finally meet you!" she said, and shook both their hands. Natalie chanced a glance at Henry, who's face was pale. They sat down on the couch, and the two of them were grilled about college for awhile then.

"So, Yale, huh?" Henry's dad said. "Wow! Henry- you never told us she was so smart!"

"You never asked," Henry muttered.

"Music _and_ business, huh? Now _that's _marketable. Henry- think of what she could do! That's a moneymaker. A business degree is always a good place to start. Now, music education- that's important too, I suppose. But in the long run, well, we'll see who ends up making more money!" He sounded so condescending- as though Henry wouldn't even make a living, and also that it would be ridiculous for Natalie to make more money than her boyfriend. She was offended on both counts.

"Some of my music teachers have made the biggest impact on my life," she said bravely. "I don't know where I'd be without music."

"Huh," Henry's dad said, not really interested.

Nat looked at Henry, who was looking very uncomfortable.

"I'm going to see if your mom needs help, Henry- want to join me?"

"Yes," he said, hopping up as though he were burned. "We'll, er, be back," he said to his dad.

When they reached the kitchen, Natalie turned to Henry.

"You didn't know he had a girlfriend, did you?"

"_No idea!" _He said. "I've never heard anything about her before. Not that I talk to him much. And did you hear him in there? 'Something marketable, Henry, money, Henry, business, Henry!' God!"

"OK. Just take a deep breath." Natalie turned and smiled at Henry's mom, who had an understanding look on her face. "Can we please do something to help? Like, _anything?"_

_"_Why don't you pour water into the glasses," she said to Natalie, "and you can open the wine."

"Good idea. Thanks," he said.

* * *

Dinner went reasonably well, though it was awkward. Henry's dad made many a passive aggressive comment about his major, and ignored Henry's mom altogether. When Natalie tried to talk, she was talked over. When Henry tried to bring his mother into the conversation, she didn't want to say anything. Meanwhile, Bridgett sat there looking as though she wished she'd never come. Natalie couldn't say she blamed her. She was going through the same thing, although at least she could say she was not with the one causing the problems of the evening.

It wasn't until after dinner that the problems started. Natalie was helping Henry's mom with the dishes, and Bridgett, Henry, and his dad were in the living room. Nat could hear his dad's booming voice coming through.

"I'm just trying to say that you're not ever going to make any money. Do you want to live like _this_forever? In a shithole of a house without any money?" he said.

"Well I sure as hell don't want to live like you!"

"Jesus Christ... And that girlfriend of yours-" Natalie flinched. "- do you really think she's gonna stick with a screw-up like you? _Music education-_ what the hell is that? If I were her I'd have gone off long ago- so maybe she isn't as smart as she looks. Does she know you're not going anywhere? _Not_ too surprising- failed classes in high school, it's only a matter of time before you start blowing off college, too..."

This continued for a few minutes, until Henry stormed into the kitchen, obviously wanting out. But his dad followed, now directing his arguments to his ex-wife.

"And are you paying for all this? For him to waste his time?"

"That's none of your business," she said, her back straight and her chin high. "I'm sure not getting any help from you, despite your Big Company."

"What in the hell?" he said. "I sent money every month until-"

"Like hell you did!" she said, drying her hands on a dishrag and throwing it onto the counter. "I had to scrape for _everything _for twelve years- but I don't regret any of it. I'm just glad I didn't rely on you for anything, because you _never came through for any of it!"_

"You're just the same as you always were," he spat at her. "Self-riotous! You never did anything wrong, did you? You were _perfect,_ weren't you? Perfect, my ass! You were a bitch-"

"Dad!" Henry yelled, cutting through the argument and looking far angrier than Natalie had ever seen him. "Shut the _fuck_ up and get out!"

"Don't you dare talk to me like that-"

"You don't have any right to be here, ok? Don't barge in here and start giving everybody advice, because no one wants to hear it. Just... leave."

Henry looked him seethingly in the eyes for a minute, and then stepped back, taking Natalie's hand. She squeezed it, wishing with everything in her to disappear at the moment. It was obvious she wasn't supposed to see this.

A minute later, Henry's dad was leaving. His date or girlfriend or whatever slinked out the door after them. _I bet **that **relationship lasts about as long as it takes for him to drive her home,_ Natalie thought.

Once they were gone, Henry's mom dissolved into tears.

"That man is so... cruel!" she said, wiping her cheeks. "He thinks that he can just tell everyone what to do, and that the things he says don't hurt anybody. It's just... it's awful."

"Mom, it's ok. He's just an asshole, and that's it-"

"I feel sorry you never had a good father, Henry. I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry you were raised the way you were."

"Mom- I had you. And so I made it through ok," he said, smiling at her. It was one of those moments that made Natalie really, really glad she had someone like him.

His mom turned to her. "I'm so sorry, Natalie sweetheart. I didn't mean for it to be like this- I just thought it would be nice to see you... and you're as much as part of our family now as anyone. Though, I don't know if you'd want to be, after tonight."

Natalie stepped forward and put a hand on her shoulder, then reached forward to hug her. "It's nothing I haven't seen before. Or... well... I've been through my own crap. It's nothing to be embarrassed about. Just be glad you're not part of the Goodman Family Christmas."

Henry's mom laughed.

"I should take you home," Henry said.

"Thanks for everything," Natalie said once again, and then they were leaving.

* * *

"I'm so, so sorry," Henry said once they were out the door. "Jesus Christ- that was horrible. The worst Thanksgiving ever."

"It's ok," Natalie said.

"I guess you can see now- my family is as fucked up as yours. We're even."

She laughed grimly. "We've both got one stable parent, deserted by the other... your mom, my dad..."

Then her eyes widened, and a thought came into her mind- Henry's mom, her dad, single stable people...

"No!" Henry cried. "Eew! That would be too _weird-_just- no. No, no, no. That would make us some weirdass incestuous step-siblings or something. Gross!"

"I didn't suggest anything," Natalie said, throwing up her hands innocently. "Besides, I don't think they'd get along to well anyway. Your mom might have started dating again, but I think it'll be awhile before my dad does."

"He's still not over her?" Henry asked sadly. Nat shook her head.

"Well... if he feels for your mom anywhere near they way I feel about you, then that's understandable."

Natalie smiled sadly. "I love you, you know that?"

"That's all I ask," he said innocently.


	21. Just Lucky, I Guess

"Ready?" her mom said, more brightly than usual.

"Sure," Nat said, yawning. Getting up for school really sucked, she decided.

They got in the car, and she threw her backpack in the back seat. She fiddled with the radio a little, before turning it off and deciding it really was too early for music anyway. The drive was boring- she'd taken the same one every day in fifth grade, sixth grade, and now it was two months into seventh. As bored as she was, though, she didn't miss her mom driving right past the school.

"Mom!" Nat said, sitting up straight. "You just missed the turn!"

"Relax, Nat. You're not going to school today."

"Mom- you can't just _do _that! I have a book report to present today!" She did! She'd read _Gone with the Wind,_ and had this fabulous book report planned out. She had easily read the most difficult book of anyone in her class, and she had been looking forward to her teacher's reaction for weeks now.

"You can present it tomorrow," her mom said. "I'm sure you're teacher will be fine with that."

Natalie just sulked. "So what are we doing, anyhow?"

"I was thinking we could go out to lunch."

"Mom," Natalie said in a low, monotonous voice that she hoped to project all the angst of a teenager into, even though she was still just twelve, "It's eight o'clock in the morning. No place will be open to serve _lunch!_ Jeez."

"I'm sure we can find somewhere."

* * *

After an hour of driving around, it was confirmed that there weren't any places to go eat lunch.

"Well I'm not hungry anyway," Di said.

"Duh. We just ate breakfast."

"Why don't we go to the mall?"

"And do _what?_" Nat snapped.

"Shopped! What's so wrong about playing hooky one day and taking my daughter out shopping?"

Natalie said nothing. _Fine,_ she thought.

* * *

The day actually began to look up from there. She and her mom actually had a real conversation as they picked through the racks of jeans.

"So I think I might really want to do this piano thing forever," Nat said as she pulled yet another shirt over her head in the dressing room.

"You don't have to decide now, honey. You're only twelve-"

"But mo-om, I need a head start! There's a million other white girls like me from an upper class suburban neighborhood who also played piano-"

"You sound like a statistic book. Now come out and show me."

Natalie emerged from the dressing room, and shrugged.

"Oh, that's so _cute_ on you!" Di exclaimed. "Turn around for me."

Natalie did, secretly happy with all this attention.

"We definitely have to get that."

* * *

A few hours later, they walked to the food court in the mall. Nat had her bags in her hands- a new pair of converse, jeans, and two new tops. She'd stopped asking her mom if all this was ok after the sixteenth time.

"I'm your parent, Natalie. I can take you wherever I want. This is perfectly allowed. Now, what do you want for lunch?" Di asked. "I'm thinking... chocolate. Let's get ice cream!"

And again, Nat just went along with it. They ordered large chocolate sundaes with hot fudge on top and chocolate sprinkles, declaring it Chocolate Wednesday. Nat giggled when the man behind the counter handed her the sundae- it was so ridiculous!

After they ate, they continued shopping for another hour or so, until school would nearly be out. Diana checked her watch, and put a hand to her hair.

"Wow! Time flies. C'mon honey, we have to go home now."

"K," Nat said, throwing away the soda she was carrying. When she turned her back, she heard her mom's voice again.

"You've got football practice in half an hour, and you're going to be late."

Natalie froze, and she got that familiar frozen feeling inside of her, when she knew something was wrong and there was nothing she could do.

"I know how hard you've worked, and if you miss practice today the coach won't let you play in the game! And I've been meaning to ask you about your math grade- do you really think your father and I didn't notice that it slipped down to a C?"

Natalie shifted her weight from foot to foot, totally unsure of what to do. She felt like she was intruding on something private, even though it was her own mother. She'd seen this many times before, but her father had always been there. He always knew what to do in these situations, and he had always been the one to put it right.

"Mom," Nat said softly. "We have to go home now."

Her mom didn't even look at her. She was intently focused on something invisible to her left.

"No, I promise I'll talk to him first and he won't be mad at you. Of _course _he loves you- he's just got a funny way of showing it. But don't think that doesn't mean I'm not upset with you- you have to finish off eighth grade strong, and enter high school like the achiever I know you are. Don't you want to graduate cum laude? I know you can, honey, you're such a smart boy-"

"Mom!" Natalie cried, reaching for her mom's arm. Diana looked at her distintly, then plastered on a warm but stranger's smile on her face.

"Do you need something, little girl?" her mom asked, looking concerned. "Did you lose your mom?"

Natalie froze- _Yes, I did,_ she felt like screaming. _She's completely lost in her own mind and I have no idea what to do!_

"No, mom- mom it's _me!"_ Nat cried.

"Honey, I'm sorry, but I'm not your mother. I can go ask security to call your mom up, though. Gabe- Gabriel," Diana said turning to the invisible boy on her left, "Can you go run to that customer service desk over there and ask for some help?"

"No- stop it!" Natalie said, tears coming from her eyes again and the volume of her voice rising. A few people had stopped around them and started to stare. "Mom- it's Natalie, it's me, it's _Natalie!"_ she screamed. She put her hands on her mother's arms and shook wildly. She was no longer scared, she was also angry. "He's _dead_ mom, Gabe's not here! He died _years_ ago!"

"Stop it!" Diana screamed. "Stop!" she pushed Natalie away and wrapped her arms around herself, shaking horribly. "You don't know what you're saying- he's, he's right there getting help," she said, pointing to the customer service desk.

"No, he's not," Natalie said, matter-of-factly and coldly. "He's nowhere. He's dead and I'm here and you can't see that!"

"_Shut up!" _Diana screamed. "I don't know who you are, you horrible child, but I'm not going to listen to your cruel words!"

Natalie took a step back, sobbing. She turned to run away, and a kind looking woman stopped her.

"Honey, do you need some help?" she asked, in the exact same tone that her mother had just used.

"No- no I'm fine."

"Is that your mother?" the woman asked, looking wary.

Natalie nodded sadly, embarrassed. She could feel the woman judging her mother, and even though she hated her, even though she wished that _this _woman, who looked perfectly, wonderfully _normal _was her actual mother, Natalie still felt the urge to protect Diana.

"She's sick- she's not dangerous or anything. But she's sick and I need to fix it! I need to get her home, to my dad- my dad. He'll know what to do! But, oh wait-" Natalie remembered something. "He's in the city all day, I don't know what to do, I just don't know what to do," she said, losing control and on the verge of hysteria.

The woman looked overwhelmed, but nonetheless put a hand on Natalie's shoulder. "Honey, don't worry. Now let's try to get you and your mom some help, ok?"

Natalie nodded, trying to regain control of herself. The woman went to the customer service desk, and then two security men were escourting Nat and her mom into a little room on the other side of the mall. Her mother had stopped screaming now, and was dreadfully quiet. Her eyes were darting and she was still shaking profusely, looking terrified.

"What's your dad's phone number, honey?" a large woman asked Natalie.

She gave it, but told them, "I don't know if he'll be home."

Twenty minutes later they were still waiting when Dan rushed into the little room.

"Diana, Diana," he said, getting down on his knees in front of her and taking her face in his hands so her eyes met his. "Love it's me. It's Dan. It's going to be ok. It's going to be ok."

Diana closed her eyes, and silently cried, resting her head on Dan's shoulder.

"The girl said he was dead. Said my baby was dead! She's wrong, isn't she Dan? He's right here!"

Dan glanced at Natalie, his eyes wide with fear. "It's time to go home now, Di. C'mon, Natalie."

* * *

Once they reached home, Diana had regained her bearings and her grip on reality.

"I don't know _what _you were thinking," Dan said to Diana, livid. The three of them were sitting in the living room. "I'm at a meeting with a client in the city today when the school calls wondering where Natalie is. I say, 'she should be at school, her mother took her in this morning.' But Natalie _wasn't there._ I was worried, I thought something happened- but when I called the house, you were gone, too! I left work and was calling and driving all over hell looking for the two of you. Do you know how scared I was? How could you be so irresponsible?"

"I just wanted to have a nice day with my daughter, Dan. Stop acting like my father," Diana said.

"That's what _Saturdays_ are for, Di, and I'm not acting like your father- I'm acting like Natalie's father who was terrified about where she was all day. She needs to be in _school. _And what would have happened had I not gotten the call from the mall? You're just lucky you weren't _arrested. _Do you know what could have happened? If you'd done something worse, they could have taken Nat away from you, we'd have been investigated for our parenting abilities-"

"Dan, you're exaggerating."

"No, I'm not- she could be put into foster care-"

"Maybe that's what I want!" Nat cried, standing up and clenching her fists. "Maybe I don't want to live with you two. It's always about _her,"_ she spat, pointing at her mother, who flinched. "I think I'd be happier somewhere else." Then she ran into her room.

Di and Dan stood there in silence, staring after her. Then, Di sighed.

"She has every right to think that. I would hate having me for a mom, too."

"Don't say that, Di. I'm sure she loves you. You're just not like all the other mothers-"

"No, Dan. Just stop. Don't make excuses for me anymore. I'm not healthy, and I'm not attentive to her, and I can even forget she exists. What kind of mother forgets that her own daughter exists? I don't want you trying to fix everything anymore and cover it up with lies, pretending everything's ok. Because I'm _not _ok."

Dan had nothing to say. He just nodded, and then went to talk to Natalie.

Diana sat alone on the couch for a few minutes, staring at her hands and hating herself.

"The worst part of it all is," she began, speaking so quietly to herself. "I know how wrong it is. I know I've snapped. I can feel the shame and I know I'm not acting normally. I think of what I should do, and then I do something else. There's this demon that's controlling my every move, and turning me from a sane woman to a woman who forgets her daughter. And when I wake up, I feel all the pain it leaves behind..."

She sobbed into her hands, and felt a hand on her back. She looked up, and smiled. He was giving his usual half-smile in his comforting way, his blue eyes sad.

"It's ok, mom. You're not as bad as everyone says. You're really not. You're too hard on yourself sometimes."

"You're a sweet kid, you know that?" Di said. Maybe everything wasn't so bad- after all, there were no repercussions from the day. No legal matters to take care of, no injuries.

"Exactly, mom. That's what you've got to think about. Everyone's ok, and Natalie will be better soon. She dramatizes sometimes. And dad likes to make mountains outta molehills- seriously, it wasn't that bad. I was there, remember? I saw the whole thing. Nat'll get over it. She's probably just jealous that I came along on her shopping trip."

Di smiled. "You're right. She'll be ok. We'll all be ok."

Sometimes he knew just the right thing to say to put her back on track again.

"How'd I ever end up with a son like you?" she asked in wonderment. Whenever she felt like she was losing it, he'd remind her that she was perfectly normal.

"Just lucky, I guess," he said, smiling.


	22. Diana

Natalie dropped Lucy and Andrew off at the elementary school, and then drove back home to work. She spent a lot of her time working out of the house nowadays, because most of her work was organizing meetings. She met with people outside, of course, but this way worked out best. She could be with the kids and still keep her job full-time.

The house phone rang at eleven, and she got up to pick it up. The caller id said it was her dad, which was strange, because he never called during the day.

"Hi, dad," Natalie said. "Is everything ok?"

"No," he said. "No... it's not. It's your mom. She's..."

She heard his voice break then, and heard the tears behind it. "She's gone," Natalie finished, remembering when she'd said those words eighteen years ago after the high school dance.

"Yes."

"How?"

"Apparently she had a stroke. Uncommon, because she wasn't that old, but she's been unbalanced ever since she'd been put on so many heavy drugs, and her blood wasn't quite right... She died this morning, suddenly."

"I'll come over. Let me just call Henry and sort out the kids- when is the funeral?"

"Probably this weekend sometime... I haven't thought about it yet."

"Just give me a couple hours and I'll be there. And dad?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you ok?"

He was silent for a long time. "Sure, Nat."

When she hung up, she called Henry right away. It was only eleven o'clock, and he was still teaching and knew he would be for another hour. She smiled when she heard his voice mail:

"Hey, it's Henry. Not here right now, leave a message and I'll call you back-" the ending was cut off, because while he'd been recording it, he and Lucy were in the kitchen together. She was about to pull a cake in a big metal pan right off the counter, and he'd hung up his phone right away to stop her.

"Hi, Henry. It's me. So... God I don't want to say this in a voice mail, but I don't know when you'll be able to call me back so I'll just tell you. My mom died today, and I need to go to my dad's... There's a lot of stuff to talk about, so please just call, ok?"

When she hung up, she didn't know how long she had to wait. She called her boss and told her that she'd be taking the rest of the day off and the next two days because of a death in the family. She packed a suitcase and laid out some clothes for Andrew and Lucy, their nice clothes and clothes to wear during the rest of the weekend. She couldn't leave until Henry was back from work, and he usually got home around 5, depending on how many private lessons he taught after school.

But at noon, the door opened.

"Hey," he said, walking right up to her and wrapping her in his arms. "Are you ok?"

She nodded into his chest, glad that he was there. "Thanks for coming home."

"What else could I do? How are you doing?"

She looked up. "I'm... strangely ok. I haven't cried yet. Is that bad? Is something wrong with me?"

"Nothing's wrong with you, honey," he said, and hugged her again. "What can I do?"

"The funeral's over the weekend... I was going to my dad's now, actually. Can you pick Andrew and Lucy up from school? Andrew was going to have a play date with Katie Schmid, so can you call her mom? The number's on the refrigerator. I left some clothes out for them on their beds, but you still need to pack their toothbrushes and things like that. Oh, and can you call the hotel near my dad's, and get us a room for the weekend? Right, I forgot to tell you to bring them up to my dad's... well can you meet me with them as soon as you can? And-"

"Nat," Henry said. "Don't worry about it. I've got it. School's out at 2:30, so we'll leave from there. Are you ok going by yourself? Do you want to wait and come with us?"

She thought about it- being with her five year old daughter and seven year old son sounded at first therapeutic... until she remembered they'd be on a car trip, and they'd be grumpy and nightmarish. They would be better behaved with Henry, anyway, who was the 'fun one.'

"No, I'll be ok. I need some time to think."

He nodded, and kissed her. "Well, call me when you get there, ok? We'll probably be there around five."

"Ok. I love you," she said. "And thanks."

"Don't thank me- it's our job to be here for each other. Have a safe trip, and I love you."

"Tell Andrew and Lucy to behave themselves, and that I can't wait to see them tonight."

And, once they loaded her suitcase in the car and she'd kissed Henry one more time, she was on her way. Her eyes felt dry, and she felt abnormally calm about the entire experience. All the way to her dad's, she was in control.

_It was bound to happen sometime,_ she thought. _You knew she wouldn't be around forever. Maybe that's why you're not too upset. Or maybe you're just an ungrateful bitch of a daughter._

She wasn't even distracted. In fact, she found herself turning on the radio at one point, and turning the music up too loud like she couldn't do when the kids were in the car. But when she pulled up in front of her dad's apartment complex, she instantly felt guilty. She hadn't even seen him yet. She got out of the car and went up to his floor, taking out the key. When she came in, she knocked on the door frame.

Dan was seated in a chair, his shoulders slumped, with a handful of pictures in his hands. When he looked up, Nat saw her dad's face was streaked with tears.

"Oh, dad," she said, and went over to give him a hug. He embraced her and sobbed into her shoulder like he'd never done before. She'd never been good at comforting people- Henry was always better at it (though she didn't think that her dad wanted Henry to comfort him).

"She was so fantastic," Dan said. "She really was the smartest woman I ever knew- until you came along, Nat," he said with a smile. He picked up a photograph Natalie had never seen before. It was obviously her dad and her mom, but they were younger than she'd ever seen them. "This was in college, right when we started dating. God..." he didn't finish, just kept looking through the pictures, flipping from ones she knew to numerous ones she didn't. She saw a couple of her mom holding a bundle in a blue blanket. She looked away, on principal. It seemed private, somehow. That part of their life was one she was never part of, or welcome in.

Her phone rang then, from Henry. She realized she'd forgotten to call and tell him she arrived.

"Hey," she said. "Sorry- I just got here."

"It's ok. I was just calling to tell you that we might not be able to make it up tonight."

"What? Why?"

"Luc just threw up," he said, sounding tired. "In the car. So I took her home, and I took her temperature... she's got a little bit of a fever."

"Is she ok?" Natalie _hated _when her kids were sick. She wanted to be home with her daughter, but knew she couldn't leave her dad either.

"She should be ok. I gave her a ginger ale and she's on the couch now- I think she'll be fine. She's just overwhelmed because you're not here and grandma's dead and she was going to have to spend two and a half hours being good in the car-"

_Grandma's dead. Grandma's dead,_ she heard over and over. Lucy and Andrew's grandma was dead. Different perspective, and one that hurt more.

"Ok," Nat said, thoughtful.

"If she feels better we might leave a little later- around four or so. Otherwise, tomorrow morning. She's going to feel better though- she's not that sick."

"K. I'll see you guys tomorrow then- don't worry about getting up here right away, let her sleep in her own bed."

"How's your dad?"

"Not great," Nat said. "But I'll call you tonight, ok?"

"Oh, he's right there with you, isn't he," Henry inferred. "I'll talk to you tonight. I love you."

"Love you too. 'Bye."

"'Bye."

* * *

She didn't feel like calling the hotel, so she put up the sheets on the foldout couch in the living room of her dad's apartment and stayed there. After she made her dad take a shower and she cooked him dinner, then forced him to sit down and eat it, he seemed to be doing a little better.

"I hadn't seen her in over a year," Dan said sadly. "We just didn't keep up- didn't have a reason to, once you were out on your own and you didn't need us anymore... I wish I had... I never stopped missing her, not for one day. Then the hospital called this morning... and all I could think about was how much time I've wasted."

"Maybe she needed to be on her own. She never really was, except for these last few years- she probably liked being independent."

"I would have known something was wrong. If there was something wrong with her, I was always the first one who could tell. As soon as she left, she started having medical problems again- stuff I could have prevented. I would have brought her to the hospital! I've been good at seeing when there's something wrong, ever since... Other people ignore it, but I always know. Since he died... I always... knew," he said, breaking down into sobs. Natalie didn't know what to do.

"I still loved her, for eighteen years after she left, Natalie. I still love her now," he said, crying. "What am I going to do?"

* * *

Henry arrived the next day during mid-morning, and it actually helped Dan a lot to have the kids around him. Gave him something to do, something to distract himself from the pain. She and Henry went to her mom's place and started going through her things. They boxed up old books and bedding, and Natalie was going through a closet when she stumbled upon a taped-up cardboard box.

"Help me with this," she called, because the box was really heavy. Once they got it out of the closet, they opened it to find it stuffed with baby blue things. A blanket, numerous stuffed toys, and lots of framed pictures (which added to the weight). On the top was an old music box.

"Oh," Nat said, tears pricking her eyes for the first time. "It's him. This is his box." She slid to the ground, and looked through the things inside of it. Tears slid from her eyes unconciously, and she finally allowed herself to miss her mom. "She's back with him again, where she always wanted to be. I guess that's a good thing, for her. She never was happy here anyway."

* * *

A few days later, they had the funeral. Dan still couldn't get through an hour without tearing up, and many people at the funeral home kept talking about what a tragedy this was. In truth, it was bogging Natalie down. She excused herself from being a hostess for a minute, and went into a private room.

_Why does that upset me?_ she wondered. _Because I think she might actually be happier up there? Away from all the pain? So I think anyone who thinks this is a tragedy is wrong?_

"Does that make me cruel?" she wondered aloud, and then jumped. She realized she actually wasn't alone. A good-looking blond man around her age, who was starting to lose his hair, was in the room as well.

"Oh, sorry," she said, "I'll just-"

"No, no, no," he said, smiling charmingly at her. "You're really not intruding. I just came in here for some quiet."

"Oh," Natalie said. "Are you sure I'm not...?"

"No, you're fine," he said, leaning back against the wall lazily. "She was a great lady, wasn't she?"

"She really was," Natalie said. "I mean, she really had a tough life. But she was a fighter, all the way through. She never gave up."

"Not once."

"I wish I could be that strong," Nat said. "I didn't always see her as a strong woman, but thinking back, she was the strongest person I ever knew."

"I bet you're pretty strong," the man said, smiling. "To have grown up the way you did."

"Sometimes, when I was a kid, I used to really resent her illness and how much energy it took. But now I realize all that energy was what kept her alive- there really wasn't any other way." She didn't know why she felt so comfortable with this person, who she had never seen before. She wodered if it was betrayal, to say she was resentful of her mom. But she got the feeling that, had Di been there, she wouldn't have minded. She didn't even bother to wonder why this person, whom she had never met, knew how she grew up.

"I just needed a minute back here," Natalie said. "All those people were overwhelming."

"I had to get away from it all myself," he agreed, nodding.

"Away from... what all?" Natalie asked.

"The funeral, everyone crying, talking about the tragedy of it all..."

"Yes," Natalie agreed.

"I used to be selfish, when I was younger. I always treated my mom like she had no one else to care about but me... I thought she always wanted to be around me. I grew out of it, though, once I got older. I let you spend some time with my mom... I think it really helped their relationship."

Natalie looked at him carefully.

"And honestly," he continued. "I think that after all the fighting mom did, she's still happier to be up there. She can rest now, you know, Nat?"

Natalie took a step back, looking into his blue eyes that were so familiar...

"Sorry. I forgot... you haven't exactly met me. I know we haven't had the best track record in the past... but I wanted to pass on that mom loves you. She always did."

Natalie's eyes widened, but she couldn't make herself answer.

"And no, you're not going crazy. I just like to look out for you, is all. I still do watch over you, in fact. Hey, I wanted to pass something on- that flute teacher at Henry's school? Yes, she's flirting with him, like you thought, but you don't have to worry about anything. He's just as in love with you as ever. Doesn't give her the time of day. I can tell- as a guy, I know when a guy is interested or not. And he is not interested- I'd kill him if he was. Pardon the pun," he said, winking.

"How did you know I was worried...?" she asked, fearful.

He shrugged. "I'm just good at reading you, is all. Had a lot of practice back when you refused to talk to me. Can't tell you how long I've waited for this- though I get the feeling that you're going to start ignoring me again after tonight. But I wanted to say that I do love you, Nat, and I'm sorry I made things difficult for you. I just... wanted my mom back."

"Gabe," Nat whispered.

He shrugged again, humbly. "Love you too, sis."

She smiled. "And, well, I guess I'm sorry for hating you. Sort of. You did kind of ruin my life, so I do have something of an excuse."

"Yeah, goes with the territory of being your older brother. I have to make adolescence hard for you."

She gave him a strange look- this really was too weird to be true.

"Anyways," he said, taking a sip of the champagne in his hand, "I should get back to the party. Lots of condolences to accept. See you later," he said, and excused himself.

A minute later, after collecting herself, Natalie left the room and went back into the party, thoroughly expecting to find the tall blond man she'd been conversing with in the room. But he was nowhere to be found.

* * *

**I hope you like this, guys... I thought it would be funny to have Gabe losing his hair... haha, small victories. :)**

**Reviews, please!**


	23. Running Away

When Natalie got home from school on a Friday, she was glad to have a calm night at home. It was already almost six, because she'd stayed after school with Henry and practiced for awhile. But she was in for the night, and for once was glad about it- it had been a long week. She decided to watch a movie and order pizza and just relax.

She had settled into the couch to watch some tv before she ordered the food when her dad came into the living room.

"Hey, honey," he said distractedly. "Get ready- we have to go soon."

"What?" she asked, not paying too much attention. "Go where?"

"Your mom's," he said, picking up some stray papers, pens and books from off the kitchen table. "We're going over for dinner, remember?"

"No," she said, raising herself off from the couch and looking at him with an annoyed expression. "You never told me that! And I don't want to go."

"Sorry!" he apologized. "But she's looking forward to seeing you. I just got off the phone with her and she said she'd dying to see you again- how long has it been since we last-"

"It's only been two weeks, dad, so I think she'll live. I don't want to go! I've been studying for my history test, practicing for my recital next week, and getting ready for the ACT all week. I'm _tired. _I don't want to go!"

"You're going," he said, and that was that.

* * *

Natalie was decidedly miserable entirely through dinner. For once, her mother didn't make any mishaps, but the whole ordeal was less than fun. She was exhausted, and totally pissed off at her dad for making her do this.

On the car ride home, her dad started fiddling with the radio, and Natalie reached over and promptly turned it off.

"I want quiet. I'm so fucking tired and you made me go this stupid-"

"Natalie! Your mother wanted to see you tonight, and you're too selfish to give up your precious time-"

"You didn't even _ask_me!" she yelled. She was maybe way more pissed than she should have been, but her fatigue contributed to her mood. "You never ask me! You just drag me around doing things for mom, and you always have! Everything's always about mom, isn't it? Even after she left you! You still do everything for her, and it's not like she even cares!"

They had arrived back home then, and he stopped the car abruptly.

"That's it," he said, and she knew she'd gone too far. But she was so mad at him for always dragging her along in his attempts to make her mom feel better, and she was sick of it! "I don't want to hear another word out of you, Natalie-"

"Fine!" she screamed, getting out of the car and running inside.

She ran up to her bedroom and slammed the door, and fell onto her bed, seething. Her father did not come in to say anything or continue the fight, but she was still so angry.

Around eleven, she decided she was sick of it all. Why did she always have to do what her dad said? Why did everything always have to be about mom?

She wanted her dad to worry about her for a change. So without any planning, she grabbed her coat and quietly sneaked out the front door, just like she used to last year, and started running down the street in the pouring rain.

The night air was freezing- it was November. It was dark, and sort of creepy outside. She didn't have her phone, and she didn't want to go back to get it. Same with the car keys- she should have thought this through. Where would she go?

It only took her a minute to decide- Henry lived only about two miles away. She'd go there.

* * *

The house was dark when she arrived- she didn't know what time it was, but she'd gotten lost on the way do to the dark. She knew his mom went to bed early, so she didn't want to ring the doorbell.

Instead, she went around to the side of the house where she saw a light on in Henry's room.

She climbed up the tree next to the house and then stood on the slanting roof, which led right up to his window. She looked inside his room, and saw he was on facebook on his laptop. She tapped on the window, and then giggled when he jumped about five feet in the air.

He opened the window and let her in- she was shivering and her teeth were chattering.

"What's going on?" he asked her, concerned.

"My dad and I got into a fight, and I just ran off-"

"You _ran_ here?"

"Yeah," she said. "It's not that far."

"It is in the cold and rain," he muttered.

"Can I stay?"

"Of course," he said. "Does your dad know you're here?"

"No. And I don't intend on telling him, either."

Henry looked at her with his eyebrows raised, but then shook his head and didn't respond.

"Do you want to take a shower or something and warm up?"

She thought about it- the hot water sounded good, but the bathroom was right next to Henry's mom's room. Turning the lights on and the shower would probably wake her up.

"Thanks, but I don't want to bother your mom. But, er, do you have something I could wear?"

"Oh, yeah," he said, and opened his dresser, giving her a sweatshirt and a pair of gym shorts.

"Thanks," she said. She was about to go change in the bathroom, but then realized that that would defeat the purpose of not showering- she'd probably wake his mom. So, she'd have to change here. "No peaking," she warned, but knew he probably would anyway.

She rolled her eyes, and changed, glad to have warm clothes to wear. She hung her wet clothes over his closet door, hoping they would dry by morning.

"Thanks for letting me stay," she said as they climbed into his bed.

"No problem," he said, wrapping his arms around her. "It's what I'm here for."

She smiled, and fell asleep. Henry idly thought about setting an alarm so that Natalie could be awake, dressed, and gone by the time his mom woke, but he didn't finish the thought before he fell asleep.

* * *

The doorbell awoke Henry the next morning. He turned over and looked to see the clock- it was only eight. What was wrong with whoever was at the door, coming at _eight o'clock in the morning?_

He rolled back over noting that Nat was still asleep, tossed an arm around her, and tried to fall back asleep.

He heard his mother's voice floating up the stairs, and it kept him from falling asleep.

"I don't think she's here. No one was here when I went to bed, I would have known, I didn't hear anyone come in..."

_Oh shit._

_"_Nat wake up," Henry said, shaking her.

"No," she whispered, and tugged the blankets around her.

"Seriously- you have to get up. I think your dad's here."

"Shit!" she exclaimed, bolting out of bed. She ran over to where her clothes were hanging, and they were still cold and damp. Anxiously, she looked at the window and contemplated sneaking out that way, but she sighed. It wasn't worth it- he'd find her eventually, and she figured she'd get in less trouble if he knew she was somewhere safe than if she was somewhere dangerous. She'd wanted him to worry, but she didn't want to get in trouble! She was dead, running away would drive her dad crazy, and she would probably be grounded for the rest of her existence. She really, really didn't want to get caught.

Then they both heard feet coming up the stairs.

"Fuck," Henry swore under his breath.

"Henry?" his mom said through the door. "Mr. Goodman is here and we need to talk to you."

Henry looked at her as if to say, 'well, that's it! We're busted and you're dead.'

_No I'm not, _she thought, and grabbed her clothes from the top of his closet door, and shoved herself inside of it. Then she coughed, and reminded herself never to go into a boy's closet ever, ever again. It seemed like Henry put all of his dirty laundry and shoes in here unceremoniously.

"Come in," she heard Henry say. "Hey Mr. Goodman," he said. "What's going on?"

"Honey," his mom said, "Have you talked to Natalie recently?"

She hadn't gone over her plan with him, and so she silently begged for him to cover for her.

"Not since yesterday after school," he lied smoothly. She breathed out in relief. "Why?"

"Well, when I woke up this morning she wasn't home. Her bed was made and everything- I think she ran away last night. But she left her phone at home, which is strange," he said, sounding worried. Natalie's stomach clenched with guilt.

"Ran away?" Henry exclaimed, playing his part well and sounding concerned. "Why would she do that?"

"We... er... got into something of a fight," he said. Natalie's guilt left and she found herself angry again- there he was, covering up what was going on, saving face, making their problems sound like non-issues. Like always.

"You're sure you haven't heard from her?" Henry's mom asked, sounding very concerned. "I can't imagine where else she would go, since she's always here... Henry, who else would she go to?"

This time, he hesitated, and for good reason- if Natalie hadn't come to Henry's house, she would have nowhere else to go. It wasn't like she had a huge wealth of friends at school who she would feel comfortable enough with to crash at their houses. "I... I don't know," he said, sounding stressed.

"Oh, God," her dad said. "I feel horrible. This is all my fault- if we hadn't fought last night- no... no, this was long in coming. I deserve this... But I could have _sworn_ she would be here."

Henry didn't respond. He started feeling awkward, stuck in his lie- if this was a real situation and Nat had really gone missing, he would offer to go look for her. But now, if he did that, it seemed like it was only a cheap lie. He knew where Nat was, and he didn't want to prolong Mr. Goodman's anxiety- he couldn't imagine how scared he was.

But if he lied and said he would go help find her, he could wait until his mom and Mr. Goodman left, sneak her out into his car, and drive her home...

But then she'd be stuck and would have to think of a story about where she was, which was very difficult indeed. And if she said she was anywhere other than Henry's house, she would get into even more trouble. Maybe it would be better to just...

"I already called her mom," Dan said. "She hasn't seen her. I'm so scared, because she didn't take her phone and the car is in the garage. She can't be too far, because she would have to have gone on foot, unless she called someone... unless she didn't plan on going anywhere, and someone..."

Henry shuttered, knowing what Dan was thinking.

"Did you look through her recent calls?" he suggested, knowing this was a completely unhelpful bit of information and feeling guilty about it.

Natalie made a face in the closet, pissed that Henry was suggesting her dad go through her phone. This was starting to majorly suck.

"No, I didn't," Dan said, and took her phone out of his pocket. "I brought it with me, I thought it might help... I don't know why I thought it would... It says she hasn't called anyone since she called you Thursday night," Dan said, sighing. He put his head in his hands. "I have no idea where to go from here."

"What can I do?" Henry said as Dan stood up.

"Stay here, I suppose, and keep your phone on in case she tries to call you from somewhere else... but for now, I don't think there's anything to do except go to the police. I didn't want to do that, because it seems like she's really missing," his voice broke on the last word, and Henry saw how hard it was for him to maintain control. He was terrified about losing Natalie, and it was hard to watch, especially knowing exactly where she was. His insides twisted with guilt. But he couldn't let him go to the police, not if he knew full well where she was!

_Sorry, Nat,_ he thought.

He sighed, and stood up, going over to his closet and opening the door.

"C'mon out, Nat," he said. She gave him a look of absolute hatred, and he regretted his decision immediately. Would she ever speak to him again?

Both his mom and her dad were giving them both livid glares.

"_Why_ did you lie, Henry?" his mom said, sounding curt and patient-less.

"Natalie!" her dad yelled, his face red. "Do you know what you put me through?"

"Yes," she jibed. "And you deserve it. It was kind of the whole point."

"I didn't want to rat her out," Henry said, trying to make it sound like it wasn't lying at all.

"But you did anyway," Natalie said, glaring at him.

"Don't be mad at him, Natalie," her dad said. "_He_ did the right thing. Not that he should have lied in the first place-"

"Oh, fine, just side with him!" she yelled.

"I don't want to argue again," her dad said. "We're going home."

Natalie glared at Henry one more time, and his insides shrunk. "Thanks a whole lot," she spat out.

"Sorry," he said in a small voice, grimacing. She just rolled her eyes and looked away.

"Thank you," Dan said to Henry's mom. "I'm sorry to put you through this."

She smiled empathetically. Dan just shrugged and escorted Natalie out of the room.

Henry smiled innocently at his mom, hoping he wasn't going to get yelled at. Of course, he was wrong.

"Henry, why did you lie?" she said again.

"I told you! I didn't want to rat her out!"

"Fine- but why did you say she could stay here anyway? You must have thought about how scared her father would be-"

"I didn't, actually," Henry said. "She was really upset. They got into a huge fight or something- she didn't say much, but she ran here, mom, and she was freezing... and I didn't think. Wouldn't you rather she was here than somewhere else? She was not going to go home, she was too pissed for that. If I didn't let her stay, who knows where she would have gone?"

His mom sighed. "I guess you're right. But couldn't you have called her dad, or told me? That way he wouldn't have worried. Henry, you two can be so stupid sometimes."

"I know," he agreed. "It was dumb."

"Besides- I'm not exactly happy you had your girlfriend in your room all night," she said sternly.

"Mom!" he groaned. "Don't even go there."

She raised her eyebrows. "At least you did the right thing now. Just never do it again."

"I don't think she's ever going to speak to me again, so that won't be a problem," he said bitterly.

* * *

Natalie didn't speak to her dad the entire car ride home, and when she got out, she attempted to go inside and right up into her bedroom, but her dad stopped her.

"Not so fast. I need to talk to you."

She rolled her eyes. "Fine. What do you want?"

"I want to you know why you did that!" he exclaimed.

"I was pissed!" she said, pointing out the obvious.

"So you ran away?" he asked. "That was a stupid thing to do, Natalie. Do you know what could have happened to you-"

"At Henry's house?" she said sarcastically. "Yeah, I know. It's so frightening there. His mom might bake brownies at me or something horrible like that."

"Natalie, watch your mouth," he said. "I had no idea where you were."

"That was the point!"

"Don't you realize what a bad decision that was? What if I had to call the police?"

She shrugged, trying not to show that she saw his point and knew he was right for yelling at her.

"Whatever. I'm sorry."

"I'm just glad you're safe," he said, and dropped it.

* * *

Henry tried calling Natalie all day on Saturday and Sunday, but got no response. At school on Monday, she ignored him thoroughly, even in math class, when they had to sit next to each other. She just stared straight ahead at the board, ignoring the notes he tried passing her.

_She must be really pissed, _he thought.

After school, he cornered her by her locker.

"Nat, please just listen-"

"Look, Henry, stop it, ok?"

"Are we back to this?" he asked, noting how dumb this was.

She rolled her eyes.

"Just go away. You ratted me out! What do you expect?"

"I kept your dad from calling the police about where you were! We both know that if you got caught by the police, you'd be in a hell of a lot more trouble now. If he found you at my house, it wouldn't be as big of a deal as it would have been if he found you somewhere else."

"And we both know you only told him because you were sucking up and it makes you look better to have told the truth," she said cruelly.

"No," he argued. "But I know how much it sucks to think you're lost, think you're gone doing something stupid. Remember last year, Nat? Remember how you were high every night, and I had no idea where you were?" She averted her eyes. "You probably don't remember it as well as I do. But I know it sucks. And your dad was going through that, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. How long are you grounded for, anyway?"

She shrugged. "He didn't say that I was."

Henry raised his eyebrows. "Seriously? You're pissed at me, and your dad didn't even ground you?"

"Henry," Natalie whined. "Please shut up."

"Fine," he said, walking away.

She sighed, regretting how mean she had been already. She knew he'd only been trying to do the right thing, and he was right- she wasn't even in that much trouble. If the police had caught her, or if she'd had to make up another story other than being at Henry's house, she'd be in so much more shit right now.

"Henry, wait!" she called.

He turned, eyebrows raised.

"Do you want a ride home?"

He smiled a half-smile. "Sure."

"No problem."

* * *

**Thanks for reading everyone! Love to hear your thoughts!**


	24. Busted

Henry was pissed. More pissed than he'd been in a long time. It was three am on a Saturday night. Ordinarily, most teenagers would like to be out late on the weekend, but three am was a little excessive. And seriously, he'd been up at six this morning taking the SAT. And before he'd dated Natalie, he'd liked to have some nights at home, watching tv or youtube videos. Practice guitar or piano, maybe playing video games. Lately, there had been zero WoW time.

And at first it was ok, all this time with her- hanging out with her was so awesome for awhile. But now, it was starting to suck. Following her around at clubs, watching her destroy her body with drugs and get into dangerous situations with the people dancing. Plus, after he'd spent his entire evening following her around making sure she didn't OD or get raped, he was stuck with a wasted girlfriend who couldn't even close her own car door.

"God, why do u always have to follow me?" she'd say when she was less far gone. Just far enough to be pissed that he was watching her drug intake. "You're such a buzzkill."

"I'm trying to keep you alive," he'd say, and she'd roll her eyes.

"I wish you'd find something else to do. You don't want to be here- fine. Find something you want to do, I'll be fine without you."

She didn't even want him there anymore. Did she even want to be his girlfriend? Did she even care about him? When he took a step back from the situation, he realized she was a complete psychobitch to him. But he couldn't bring himself to be angry with her about it. She was going through so much, her life was hard, and after all- he'd been the one to suggest the drugs. So it was his fault. He should help her out of it.

He was exhausted, had a splitting headache, and was sick of watching that guy eye Natalie like she was a piece of meat. So he stood up and walked out onto the dance floor, dizzy from the flashing lights, and put a hand on her arm. "We're going home," he said simply. He ignored when she argued, just escorted her right out of the nightclub and started driving her home.

* * *

**That Same Night**

Diana was laughing- Dan loved to watch her laugh. They were walking on a street alone, and he was so overcome by how much he loved being with her. Her presence was beautiful, so infectious. They were joking and talking, and her smile was so bright.

"I love you, Di," he said. She just kept smiling. Her smile was bright now- too bright. Her teeth shone, there was something electrical about her.

She started to shake, but continued to smile as she let out a high, keening screech of pain. She was shaking violently now, and sparks were flying. She was short circuiting. There was buzzing, and the sound of power being blown.

"Di?" he cried, but the electric shock had killed her.

Dan woke sharply, covered in sweat.

_It was only a dream,_ he tried to tell himself. _The procedure is really very safe._

He tried to shake off his fear, but it lingered. He turned on a light, glad to see the room flooded with color. His breathing eased. He'd been having dreams like this almost every night, and usually just turned over and went back to sleep. Tonight, though, he couldn't quite calm his heart down. He knew he'd need something to help him sleep.

He decided to go downstairs and get some water, thinking a walk through the calm quiet house was put him at ease. He didn't flip on the light in the kitchen, just felt his way through the familiar rooms and filled a cup with water. Then he made his way into the living room, sitting quietly on the couch and peering out through the curtains. The moon was out tonight, and the weather was calm. They lived in a very populated area, so the stars were never very bright, but the moon was shining brilliantly enough to make up for it. He smiled, overcome by a feeling of calmness. Di was going to be alright- this treatment was the best there is. She was getting the help she needed, and in a week she'd be home again. Natalie was calmly asleep upstairs, and soon their family would be together again.

The three of them. _Just_ the three of them.

He sat back in the chair and closed his eyes, feeling fatigue once more. He was about to go upstairs to sleep when headlights flooded into the room. At first he thoughts it was someone just coming down their street, but then the car pulled into their driveway and parked.

Who could be here at three in the morning? What could they want? A bad feeling seeped through Dan's stomach. He stood up, looking out into the yard as he heard car doors slam. But the headlights had temporarily blinded him, and he couldn't see the outside. The window was just black.

Then he heard a key scrape in the lock, and voices.

"Shut up!" came a whisper from a voice he knew well. "He's gonna hear me."

"I said _promise me," _came another voice.

"Sure."

"Sure what?" the voice said.

"Sure, I won't do this again tomorrow. Whatever."

"Do _what?"_ Dan said, flipping on the hall light and turning to look at his daughter and her boyfriend. Dan was livid. He glared at them, shocked that he was watching Natalie sneak into the house with this good-for-nothing kid. _Natalie!_ He'd never imagine she would sneak out, but lately she was acting up. Giving him a lot of trouble with language, arguing more... it seemed to happen ever since she started hanging out with the kid.

He took in the scene more, and then narrow his eyes.

"Natalie. What are you _wearing?"_

She looked down at herself questioningly. What she was wearing was a short black skirt that clung to her and a skimpy top without sleeves- covered by this Henry's jacket. Something he would never let her out in. The clothes, not the coat. He wondered protectively how Natalie had come to be wearing Henry's jacket, though.

"Where were you?" he growled. Natalie shook her head, and he noticed her expression. It was cloudy, not coherent, and she wasn't looking at him. She took a step and stumbled, and Henry grabbed her arm before she fell.

"Dad," she said, and sighed.

"Are you _drunk?"_ Dan exploded. "Close the door," he ordered to Henry, who obeyed, looking like a deer in headlights.

She was shaking, her eyes darting, her hands unsteady and she was still unable to stand properly without leaning on Henry.

"Are you _high?_" Dan amended.

"Fuck..." she said under her breath. Her head hurt, she didn't want her dad screaming at her, this wasn't what her family needed right now, and it was all Henry's fault. She just knew it was his fault. And why was her dad awake anyway?

"Mr. Goodman, it's my fault," Henry said, and she looked at him like he was crazy. How did he know that's what she was thinking? "I.." He didn't know how to finish. He didn't want to say 'I gave her the drugs,' because, well... he didn't want Mr. Goodman to like turn him into the police or think he was a dealer or something. But what else could he say? "I dragged her out with me tonight."

"Really?" Dan said, already doubtful. "This was your idea, to get high?"

"Yessir," Henry said, steadying Nat, who swayed dangerously.

"You wanted to get my daughter completely wasted, and stay totally sober yourself?" Dan said. It was obvious the kid wasn't on anything. He was looking him in the eye, standing straight... he wasn't messed up tonight, at least. "You wanted to go have some fun, and just watch someone _else_ get high?"

"I... I, um..."

"You're lying, that's what," Dan said. "I want one of you to tell me the truth right this minute. Sit down."

He led them inside, and Henry helped Nat into a chair. Dan looked at her, and quickly gathered she wasn't in any shape to talk tonight. It twisted his stomach, watching her completely gone this way. She was drowsy and out of it and not anything like the daughter he knew.

"Wait here," he said, looking at Henry warningly. "I'm going to bring her upstairs. I still want to talk to you, though."

Dan helped Nat up the stairs and into her room, where he glared at her as she slipped her shoes off.

"Look, Dad," she slurred, and he just shook his head. She flopped right down onto the bed in her clothes, and then he left, still shaking his head.

Back downstairs, Dan entered the living room massaging his temples.

"Look, kid," he said. "I'm tired. My wife is- well, I'm sure you know what's going on. I can't sleep. And then I come downstairs to find you towing in my daughter, who's completely fucked her brain up," he said, not bothering to mind his language. "Not to mention she's been God-knows-where for God-knows-how-many nights this week. Just explain it to me- anything, so I can go to sleep."

Henry took his head in his hands. He wasn't going to rat Nat out to her dad, not completely. She was busted for tonight, that's for sure, but he sure as well wasn't going to tell him how long this had been going on. "She's been really stressed, that's all. And so tonight she finally caved and wanted to have some relief from all the pressure. She wanted to go out somewhere and just forget everything, party. I didn't think it was a good idea, but I went along anyway to make sure nothing bad happened. Things got out of hand, so we left. Neither of us knew how those clubs work or anything- she's never done anything like this before. That's all." It was almost true. A month ago, she'd never done anything like this before. And everything else was true. She _was_ stressed and _did_ want to relieve the pressure.

Dan didn't answer, just sighed for what seemed like the thousandth time. Henry was wondering if he was going to get a neck ache from all the head-shaking he was doing.

"I can't deal with this now," Dan said, thinking of everything that was happening with Diana. Why did Natalie have to mess herself up _now_? He had so many other things on his mind, urgent things that could not be put aside. "Just.."

"It won't happen again," Henry said, hoping to God it was true. Dan stood, nodding. He felt guilty about it, but he was sort of relying on this kid to make sure nothing happened to Nat, because he knew that he wasn't capable. Not now, anyway.

"I'm going to bed. I'm just glad she's home safe."

"She's always safe with me," Henry said sincerely. Dan shook his head again, really not able to take any more of this teen angst.

"Fine."

* * *

In the morning, Natalie fully expected a lecture and a punishment. Her head felt like it had been split in two, she had about a hundred texts from Henry waiting to be read, and she did _not_ want to deal with her dad yet. But her headache won the battle, and she needed to go into the kitchen for some advil.

Her dad sat at the table reading the newspaper. Or pretending to. When he said nothing, she kept her silence too. She felt her father's eyes on her when she opened the medicine cabinet, and rolled her eyes. Did he seriously think she'd go popping the pills the very next morning, right in front of him? She conspicuously took advil, turning the bottle so her could read the label from where he was sitting. But still, he didn't say anything.

After she drank some water to down the pills with, she turned and looked at him. He looked up, nodded, and then went right back to reading. Nothing. He said _nothing._

Though she didn't want any punishment, she was kinda pissed that her dad didn't care. Nat stormed upstairs, slamming her bedroom door and regretting it instantly when her head throbbed. Her dad still didn't care. He was probably already thinking about her mom, her problems already forgotten.

"We're going out 2nite," she texted Henry.

"No," she got back quickly.

"Well then I'm going w/out u."

* * *

Henry groaned, rolling back over in bed and turning his phone off. He tried to convince himself that he wouldn't go after her, that he'd just let her go alone. But it didn't work.

He could really hate her sometimes.

* * *

**Please write a review if you liked this, or if you didn't! I haven't heard much from the recent chapters that I published and I'd love to know what you thought of any of them. Let me know, and also tell me if there's anything you want to read about! Thanks so much!**


	25. Rock Music

"So I'm totally gonna fail this," Henry said, slamming his history book closed. "Why did I take AP? Like... dumbest decision ever."

Natalie shrugged, busy reading. Henry flopped onto his stomach, rolling a few inches closer to her. She was chewing the end of her pencil in concentration, not looking at him. They were laying on the floor of her bedroom, and he put his arm around her. Nothing. So he tried kissing her.

"Ow," he said as she shoved him away.

"We have a test tomorrow that neither of us are ready for!" she said, disgruntled. "We want to do well, don't we?"

He just raised his eyebrows.

"You know what helps me study?" he asked.

"Pot? Or sex?" she said sarcastically.

"Hey!" he said. "I've barely come on to you today, like, at _all._ But yeah... I'm thinking that I'm stressing for this test too much."

"Yeah. You're really killing yourself," Natalie rolled her eyes.

"Shut up!" he said. "So I think I'll take the edge off."

"Before you get all high and stinky, can you go into the kitchen and get me a red bull?"

"Sure."

"Help yourself to anything," she said as he got up and left her room.

Secretly, she smiled. He was like, almost cool. And he hadn't run off when he found out about her mom a few weeks ago, which was seriously a plus.

* * *

"I'm blue, daba dee daba dye, daba dee, daba dye, daba dee daba dye..." Henry murmured to himself as he went down the stairs. He walked down the hallway and went into the kitchen. "Oh. Hey, Miz Goodman," he said. "Nat just wanted something to drink."

"No problem," she said dreamily.

Natalie might think her mom was nuts and horrible, but Henry liked her. She was very... chill and off the hook. Like sometimes she said the weirdest things, and it was totally awesome. Last weekend she'd come home with takeout from like, every Chinese place within ten miles and made them try all the different kinds of veggie fried rice. Who wouldn't want a mom like that?

He opened the fridge and looked around until he found the red bulls. He pulled two out of the plastic rings, and was about to shut the fridge when Mrs. Goodman started talking again.

"I bought some lunchmeat, hun," she said.

"Hmm?" Henry said, who hadn't been listening and didn't catch what she was saying.

"Oh, not you Henry. Help yourself, though."

He shuffled his feet awkwardly. "Ok." He was about to try and leave when she turned in the direction of the sink, about four feet away from him, and said something else.

"Practice ran late tonight, huh? Dad and I will be there on Friday, you guys had better play well." She laughed at what had obviously been a joke.

Henry really, _really_ wanted to leave now, but didn't want to seem rude. God, why wasn't Nat here when he needed her? Talking to your girlfriends parents alone wasn't fun anyway, even when they weren't being... weird.

"Henry, Natalie says you like music. Have you ever heard Gabe's band play? They're really very good. He plays the guitar."

"Of course he does," Henry said, almost rolling his eyes. Natalie said her brother was perfect, in her mom's eyes. So, like _duh_ the kid played the guitar- probably wasn't that good, either. Henry thought it was super annoying how almost every guy thinks they can play guitar, just because they can strum. "Electric or acoustic?"

"Oh. Both!" she said. "He's been taking lessons since he was in the fourth grade."

"Whoa there," Henry said, rolling his eyes. Like playing both kinds of guitar- they were the same after all- made you cool. "But he doesn't bother with that tab stuff, right? He reads music?"

"Oh yeah. Really, I always look at he and Natalie's music and I have no idea what it says- honestly, I can't imagine how they do it! It just looks like gibberish to me, but they seem to be able to read it like words. I don't know how Dan and I ended up with such musical children, neither of us had a lick of training in our lives."

"It gets easier once you learn. You have to practice it like anything else," Henry said conversationally. "I was in piano lessons in first grade, and that's when they taught me to read music. Like, the staffs are pretty easy once you learn. They use those things... numeric devices? No, fail..."

"Pnumonic devices," Mrs. Goodman volunteered.

"Yeah, those!" he said, smiling. "They make learning the notes when you're a little kid so much easier."

"I'd imagine so," Mrs. Goodman said. She turned her head to the space by the sink and appeared to hear something. Henry, for some reason, didn't mind so much. Everyone at school was like, all the same. It was kinda cool to see someone different. And her world couldn't be that bad, could it?

"That's a wonderful idea!" she said, smiling. "You'd like that, wouldn't you, Henry?"

"Um. Sure," he said nervously.

"Natalie would love it for her boyfriend and her brother to get along. Gabe, when does your band practice this week?"

Silence.

"Henry, you should go over there and play with them a little, I'm sure it would be fun. They'd love you, I've heard you and Natalie play together, you're very good."

"Wow, thanks!" he said, smiling. "You really think so? I mean, I just play on the side a little."

"Oh, sure! Why don't you go to see their band play on Friday? Natalie was going to go any way, we were going to go as a family to see Gabe play, but you two could go together. They play- what kind of music is it you play, honey?" she asked, turning away again. "Right! They're playing Pink Floyd and some of their originals at their concert. God, I used to love Pink Floyd..."

"I don't know..." Henry said. "I always thought their drugged-out stuff was pretentious. Like, it's what everyone else was doign at the time, but they thought it made them special or something."

"Oh, what do you know? God, I must have been in middle school when I first got into them... You had to be around when they first got popular," she defended.

"Sure," Henry said, rolling his eyes. "Next it'll be the Beach Boys..."

"No, I was never into them," she said, not realizing it was a joke. "But do you think you can come? I'm sure Nat would love if she didn't have to sit with her parents!"

"No." Henry turned and saw Natalie standing in the doorway. "We can't."

She looked furious. She glared at her mother, and then at Henry.

"Sorry, I've taken forever," he said, gesturing the the red bulls and hoping to distract her before she got mad at him. "Let's go finish studying."

"I'm not really in the mood," she said stiffly.

"C'mon, Nat."

"Just go away, will you?" she said.

"Natalie, don't be rude," her mom corrected.

"Mom, I seriously don't want to listen to you right now... And Henry, I wasn't kidding."

He put his hands up in a gesture of surrender, and left the kitchen.

"Mom, seriously? Did you have to do this in front of him?" Natalie said. She didn't wait for her mom to respond before she was out of the kitchen and up the stairs to her bedroom. Henry was in there, putting his books in his backpack.

"I said, get out!" she said.

"Nat, just getting my books," he said, treading carefully and trying not to upset her. "But really, it didn't bother me."

"I _know _it didn't!" she said, very upset now. "Can't you see why that's a problem? Just... go away, ok?"

"I don't want to fight-"

"Then please go home," she said, more gently. "I don't want to fight either... but we will if you don't... I just want to be left alone, ok?"

"OK," he said. "Really. It wasn't a big deal."

"Sure," she said.

"Pick you up tomorrow?"

She nodded, and turned away.

"See ya."

As soon as he left, Natalie threw herself onto her bed. So, Henry comes in to her family and talks to her mom like, four times. Then he can sit down at the kitchen table, see right into her world, and have a better conversation with her than Natalie's had in her entire life. Nat turned over and closed her eyes tight. Did her mom really care so little about her that she can talk to Henry, this kid she barely knows, more than her? And what was so special about him that he could understand her so quickly?

_Henry understands everyone,_ she thought, annoyed and jealous of him. _He understands you. More than you like._

She heard footsteps on the stairs, and in a way only people living together can, she knew it was her father.

"Dad, mom freaked again," she said.

"Natalie!" he said, opening her bedroom door. "Don't be so blunt."

"Well, what do you want to call it? She saw him in the kitchen and started invited Henry to some concert..."

She watched her dad rub his temples.

"That has to be so embarrassing," he said, and she almost felt relief. So he was, for once, thinking of her, and how horrifying it would be for your mom to have one of her episodes in front of your relatively new boyfriend. But then he finished his sentence. "... for her."

Natalie glared at her father. "Yeah," she said sourly. "She must be mortified."

* * *

**Hey guys! I know I haven't updated in... like... forever. But here's a Christma update! Merry Goodman Christmas!**


	26. Silence

Let's all think for a moment of how 'Next to Normal' changed us.

A moment of silence please.


End file.
